Hard to Concentrate
by CGarman
Summary: SEQUEL TO COFFEE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER! As marriage starts being the next step Bella and Edward decide to take a step back from the norm. Joy, heartache, and love! All Human.
1. Universally Speaking

**(A.N. Well everyone, here it is! The sequel to Coffee Makes the Heart grow fonder. Posting wont be super frequent but one every two weeks or so should be the norm. I am writing two stories including this one so be patient with me. Thanks so much and I hope you enjoy this first chapter! If anyone wants me to make a playlist for this one please tell me and I will. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer- Not my characters!**

"We were sitting around in the living room, eating leftover spaghetti, during the black out. We had candles lit all over the place, but the mood in the room wasn't super romantic.

"We were talking nonstop, conversation just flowing. It was just a really good day with him. We were just having one of those nights where we couldn't get enough of each other. When you look at each other and realize how amazingly lucky you are to have that person, and how incredible it feels to be in love with them, but at the same time it's so casual and free feeling that it doesn't overwhelm you.

"So I bent down over the food and had another bite from the plate we were sharing and when I looked up there was a little white jewelry box opened up in the middle of the coffee table. The way the candles cast the light over the diamond made it look even more perfect. When I looked up at him he was just smiling contently at me. This is the point I realized I still had a long noodle hanging out of my mouth, so I slurped that up really quick and wiped away the sauce on my chin. He laughed, before he got up, walked around the coffee table and got on one knee next to me, grabbed my hand and said, '_You are everything in my life. When you smile I smile, when you laugh I laugh and when you cry it breaks my heart. I don't ever want to lose you, so I hope you will agree to spend your life with me.'_ "

You could feel the anticipation as we all sat around the table. Listening intently, so as not to miss a single moment of the tale that in its own right sounded like a fairy tale. Silence rang so thick with the anticipation that you could hear a needle drop. I, myself, found it hard to grasp the reality of it.

"So at this point I could feel tears streaming down my face as I stared up at him with wide eyes. He casually reached over and took the ring from the box before grabbing my hand and said, '_Alice, will you marry me?'_ "

She held her hand out to Rosalie and me, displaying the rock that looked like it would make tiny little Alice topple over. Her smile stretched across her face, threatening to tear it in two. Her tiny squeaks of excitement sounded as we grabbed her hand and inspected the beautiful ring that would forever link her to the man she loved. I couldn't be more happy for her.

Jasper of course called me and told me he was planning to do this so I could help him with choosing the ring. I wasn't much help. He picked it out all by himself after my only opinion was that the shiny little rocks attached to shiny silver bands was probably the best way to go. Of course when he finally found the ring and called me over for my opinion I was speechless. That's right, not a single smartass remark left my lips. There was nothing I could say. The ring screamed 'Alice!' He said that my reaction alone told him he had the perfect ring. He had also made a trip to Forks, under the pretenses of a trip to LA for a business thing, and formally asked her father for permission to ask Alice for her hand in marriage. Obviously he got the ok.

The excitement of the whole thing about drove me over the edge. Every time I was around Alice I had to make a point to not smile like a madman, and the fact that Jasper was going to do it when it felt right, instead of setting up a big extravagant event made the anticipation unbearable. I didn't know when I would get that phone call from a screeching Alice telling me she was getting married. But I kept the secret. If I hadn't, Jasper would have killed me.

The real thing that killed me was that I had to keep the secret from everyone. I couldn't tell a soul, lest the information was leaked to someone important. Edward, though he had his suspicions, well, more that he knew without actually knowing, got the idea when Jasper asked me to hang out for a day without anyone else. A normal boyfriend might get jealous, but not my Edward. He hit the nail on the head with the first guess and I of course had to feign ignorance. Edward would just smile at me, highly amused by the obvious torture the secret was causing me, and ask if Jasper had asked yet every time we were around each other. It was hard not to spill the beans, and even harder not to kick him in the shins when he teased me about it.

But now Alice was officially engaged, and that meant I could officially talk about the subject that had been trying to rip its way out of me for close to two months now. Never in my life had I ever thought that I, Bella Swan, would want to have a girl talk about things like this, but low and behold the day is here. I smiled brightly at Rose and Alice.

"I'm so glad I can finally talk about it now!" I sighed with relief. They both stared at me confused until comprehension dawned on them. I just waggled my eyebrows in response.

"You little SNEAK!" Alice screeched, swatting my arm. "I can't believe you kept a secret like this from me."

"What did you expect me to do?" I asked, indignant. "You really would have preferred if I came up to you and spilled the beans, so that Jasper couldn't surprise you with the great, romantic blackout proposal? Yes, I believe me telling you instead of Jasper asking you would have been a much better story to tell your future children. You're right Alice. Will you ever forgive me?"

Rosalie smiled proudly at me, then stared at Alice as if daring her to deny my perfect logic. And it was perfect. Jasper did a good job! Any girl would just be happy to get such a good guy, especially such a good-looking good guy. But to top it off, lets add romantic and hopelessly in love. If I didn't have what I consider an even more perfect boyfriend, I might be jealous. Thankfully, Edward has all of those qualities, and then some.

"Fine." Alice said in defeat. "Still, I can't believe he told you."

"WHY NOT!?" I asked offended. "And he didn't just tell me, I helped him pick out the ring." I wanted to stick my tongue out at her and shoot a 'so there' her way but I held back, deciding to play the mature hand instead.

Alice smirked at me then smiled brightly as she gazed down at the ring. "And what a perfect ring it is." She said happily. "I knew there was no way a guy could pick out such a beauty, though I have to admit I am even more surprised that you of all people did. You are pretty much as bad as men with this kind of stuff."

I started to defend myself but then, when I thought about it, I realized she was right. I sighed and shrugged giving her a small nod. "I actually wasn't much help." I admitted. "He picked it out, then called me over to look and then WALA! Big shiny rock on your tiny, little finger. I was really just along for the ride."

"That's sounds a little more believable." She said still gazing at the ring. "Well Rose, any advice?"

Rose and Emmett had gotten married earlier in the summer. She had been a Mrs. for nearly two months now and she seemed to be handling the change very well. She and Emmett both seemed even more in love than before, which is hard to believe.

Their wedding was not only beautiful, but also the most fun I have ever had at an event I had to dress up for. Getting to see Edward in a tux only made things better. Their actual ceremony was short and sweet. Emmett looked incredibly handsome, and of course Rosalie was the most beautiful woman anyone had ever seen. Her dress was elegant, yet form-fitting enough to show off her amazing body. She looked like a modern day princess. In fact the actual ceremony was very extravagant but in an elegant way. It screamed Rosalie. Big, but not too big, with lots of dark red roses to set the mood. The reception, on the other hand, had Emmett written all over it. From the big, and I do mean big, dancing area, to the classic rock streaming through the speakers. Oh and did I mention the limbo pole? The reception was just a big party.

"What about you Bella?" Rosalie asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. I stared at them confused. I had no idea what they were asking.

"What…" I said lamely.

They just rolled their eyes. "Bel-laaa!" Alice's whine emphasizing the syllables. "Pay attention would you!?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sure." I said with a dismissive wave of my hand. "Now what was the question?"

"We asked when you and Edward were going to tie the knot." Rosalie snickered. I stared up at them from the muffin I was picking apart with wide, confused eyes.

"I don't know!" I said quickly. "Why in the world would I think about that?"

"Well, you and Edward are going to get married someday," Alice said, trying to get me to grasp something I wasn't quite catching. She sighed. "Why prolong the inevitable? Think about it. The sooner you get married the closer you are to your fiftieth anniversary."

I cocked my head and stared at Alice, trying to figure her out. "Do you really think like that?" I asked. I had never really thought about Edward and I getting married. I mean, I assumed that someday, but I have never imagined the actual ceremony. Alice and Rose stared at me like I was an alien.

"You seriously never thought about what your wedding is going to be like? What would be the perfect ceremony for Edward and you?" Rosalie asked looking truly curious. "You never thought about your wedding day when you were little, thinking prince charming would be your groom?"

"Well I guess." I said slowly. I felt my eyebrows draw together, as they looked at me expectantly. "I mean, I think that, yeah, someday Edward and I might get married. I'd hope if I ever get married it's to him. And you know, the whole, saying 'I do' thing."

"That's all you have thought about?" Rose still looked completely baffled by my total lack of interest.

"Well, no actually I kind of was thinking about one thing." I said. They both leaned in closer, excited to get a glimpse into the wedding plans in my mind. I leaned in closer to them and smiled. "Well, ever since the thought of marriage entered my mind, I always thought about how, maybe, I could skip the whole walking down the aisle thing, and possibly the first dance. Dancing all together actually can just be cut from the whole reception. That is if we even have a reception."

They both slumped at my confession. Their mouths hung open in complete shock. "What in the hell is the matter with your mind?" Alice always had such a way with words. She thumped her finger against my temple to emphasize her annoyance.

"Nothing! What?" I couldn't imagine why we were talking about me getting married someday, in the distant future when Alice was sitting there with a rock resting heavily on her finger. I swatted Alice's hand away, stopping the persistent, and slightly painful, poking. "You both know that I have issues with balancing, and well, walking down the aisle, with everyone watching me, in what I'm sure will be heals, is just the perfect recipe for disaster. And dancing. I would probably look like I was having a seizure. No good, my friends. Besides, I hate being the center of attention, especially with such a high risk of falling to my death. Skipping the reception would just be easier."

"Edward doesn't know what he got himself into." Alice muttered. I rolled my eyes and threw a piece of muffin at her.

"You know Edward will want to have a big day of declaring his love for you when you guys get married." Rose said as she sipped her coffee. "He is very into theatrics."

"Why are we talking about this?" I said bitingly. "Alice is the one who got engaged, not me! Why am I being interrogated when we have a perfectly good bride to be, who probably had her whole wedding planned long before Jasper even proposed?"

Rose smiled and looked at Alice in question. Alice sat in her seat, not making eye contact with either of us, while she fiddled with the straw in her drink. When she finally looked up she just smirked.

"Fine! I admit it! I have had my wedding planned since I was ten." With that she pulled her industrial sized purse from the back of her chair and yanked a thick binder out of it. She set it on the table with a thud. "You are both going to be my maids of honor. Rose, I believe you will have to do most of the duties that the maid of honor has because, let's face it, Bella just doesn't have the drive." I thought about being offended by the jab, but couldn't really argue with that. Plus, that just meant I wouldn't have to deal with all the wedding stuff that would bore me to tears. Alice gave a single nod as if to say 'that's what I thought' when I shrugged at her statement. "This binder has everything you will need to know. Everything. All you have to do is follow the binder and you will be fine."

Rosalie just stared at Alice like she was crazy. "You two are as different as night and day. Polar opposites. How you are friends has to be one of the great mysteries of the world."

"Naw," I said offhand. "Us awesome people have to stick together."

Alice giggled and gave me a high five. "And we are definitely awesome."

When I got home I could hear music coming from the guest bedroom. Edward was playing the piano. I loved coming home to him playing. I walked to the guest room, kicking my shoes off on the way to quiet my approach, where the door was left ajar and poked my head in quietly. I preferred watching him play when he didn't know I was there. The way he moved as his hands glided over the keys was incredibly sexy especially with how passionately he played. My favorite, though, was when he would stare off as though he was daydreaming as he played flawlessly, occasionally closing his eyes. I smiled as I opened the door wider and leaned against the wall as I listened quietly. He turned his head slightly, and smirked. I was caught.

I walked over and put my hands on his shoulder, running them down his chest, and hugging him. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and sat next to him, straddling the bench so I could face him. He continued his playing, but now had a big smile on his face as he flowed flawlessly into the song he had written me more than a year earlier. My lullaby.

"So, is it official yet or do you have to continue acting as though I am completely oblivious." I sighed heavily and kept my smile back. I pressed my lips together and stared defiantly at him. He smiled that beautiful crooked smile at me. "What? So now that you get to tell me, you won't? Seems a little masochistic to me."

"He asked her last night." I admitted with a smile. Edward smiled widely and looked over at me. "It was very romantic, the way he did it. It's hard to imagine something like that actually happening other than in a fairy tale. I couldn't imagine a more romantic way to be proposed to."

Edward stared at me with his eyebrows knitted together with a smirk on his beautiful lips. "You sound kind of like a girl." He said amused. "Who would have known that Bella Swan would be so taken by the thought of a fairy tale worthy proposal?"

"Not you too." I whined.

"What did I say?" He asked as he wrapped up my lullaby.

"Alice and Rose already gave me the third degree on marriage, and then were all offended by what I actually have planned out for my own wedding." I said shaking my head. "Seriously, I don't get it! Alice is sitting there with a big shiny rock on her finger talking about the proposal and then I get interrogated about marriage. Has the whole world gone BONKERS!?"

Edward looked away from me, down at the piano with an amused smile playing at his lips. He rested his hands in his lap, then turned to face me. He looked at me skeptically. "You've thought about those things? About marriage, the actual wedding?"

I shrugged and nibbled on a hang nail that had been tormenting me for the past three days. "Just little things."

"Like what?" Edward pressed, swatting my hand away so I couldn't chew on my nail anymore. I sighed and felt my shoulders slump. Why did everyone want to talk about this stuff?

"Well, like, not wanting to do the whole walking down the aisle thing and not dancing at all."

"Whoa, whoa." Edward said, holding his hands up and looking at me confused. "You think you are going to get out of walking down the aisle? You think I won't make you dance with me? Are you crazy?"

"With you?" I whispered, smiling. "Really?"

"Of course!" Edward scoffed. "Who else would you marry if not me? Don't you want to marry me someday?"

"Well, yeah, someday." I said with smirk. "I just didn't know you thought about that stuff."

"I don't usually, and I certainly don't have the ceremony planned out as I'm sure Alice does, but there are a few things I imagine." I waved my hand gesturing for him to continue while trying to sneak the antagonistic hang nail back to my mouth. Edward held my hand down when he caught my attempt. "Well for one, I fully look forward to that moment when I am standing at the altar waiting for you, then seeing you in your dress for the first time as you come into view escorted by Charlie. And of course our first dance." He sighed as he picked up my hand, and played with my fingers idly. "The two things I look forward to most, and you want to cut them completely out of the whole thing." He shook his head in disbelief.

"Well, thankfully we don't have to worry about that for awhile." I said with a smirk. "Maybe by the time we get there, to that point in our relationship, I will have changed my mind or at least talked you out of needing them."

"You're going to have to change your mind, because my mind is already set in stone." He said pulling me closer to him. "I will require that both of those things happen."

"We'll see." I said, standing from the bench. "Maybe by the time we actually get married we will be so tired of weddings we will just take a trip to Vegas and have a quickie wedding. That way I could wear tennis shoes and jeans!" I stopped and looked at the ceiling thinking about how that particular scenario would work then smiled widely down at Edward, who was still sitting on the bench. "OOH! Edward let's do it that way! Can we?"

Edward shook his head and buried his face in his hands. He let out a sigh and pulled me to him, sitting me on his lap. "Bella, I don't care how much you beg; when I marry you I am going to do it properly. It may not be for awhile, but I am certainly not going to be married to you by some guy in an Elvis costume."

"Oh Edward," I sighed resting my head on his shoulder, "They don't _all_ dress like Elvis. I have even heard you can go to a drive through at some. I wouldn't have to walk at all then."

"I love you Bella Swan." Edward said simply. For some reason I took that as a hell no to the drive through wedding idea.

"I know, a lot of people love me." I said as I lifted my head off his shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. "I love me too!"

"You are very lovable." He said with a smile and a light tap on the rear as I stood and started walking away. "I'm just going to wrap up a composition I'm doing, then I will be out there. It won't take long."

Nodding, I walked out of the room and plopped on the couch when I got to the living room, switching on the TV, which now had more than just sports channels. As weird as this may sound, at least it would sound weird to Alice and Rose, I was relieved Edward wasn't planning on asking me that particular question for awhile. The way I see it is, just because Edward and I know we want to and are going to get married someday, I don't see a reason to rush it. It will happen when it happens, but for right now I am content with our relationship. Ok, more than content, I love where we are in our relationship and I don't see the point in rushing anything with him.

**(A.N.Tell me what you think and review! By the way, Rose's Dress is on my profile so check it out!)**


	2. Animal Bar

**(A.N. Alright everyone. This chapter is coming out much earlier then I originally said it would due to everyones awesome reviews! You guys went nuts with that first chapter and I hope it continues on that way. Anyways I did get some requests for a playlist so they link is on my profile. New songs will be added for this chapter as well as songs that were for the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters.**

"Mike bike mo shmike!" Closing was fun, especially hyped up on coffee. "Banana nanna fanna fo bike…" I stared at Mike for help, but he just shrugged. He was just as lost as I was. "Maybe we should sing something else."

"Yeah, I never really knew how to sing that song anyways." He said as he moved on to the next table, to wipe it down. Mike has gotten considerably better on the flirting front. Since he found out I moved in with Edward he has been much more respectful of our relationship, not to say he doesn't flirt anymore, just not as brazenly. "It would be so much easier if we had a radio in here that we could control."

"No way! We can make much better music than those weirdos they play on the radio." He looked at me like I was crazy, but I pretended he was just smiling in agreement. "I'm a cowboy, on a steal horse I ride! I'm wanted, WANTED! Dead or alive…"

"Wow, are we really singing Bon Jovi?" Mike apparently wasn't so fond of Bon Jovi, but personally I think he was just suffering from hair envy. Most people would be envious I suppose. The man's hair is always perfect. Flat ironed to perfection and when it moves it bounces. It was so pretty that when the wind would blow through it, angels would sing. Why the man cared so much about his perfect hair was beyond me, but I was glad he did. If not for him I couldn't have coined the phrase 'my hair is so Bon Jovi.' And what kind of life would it be without that phrase.

"You're right." I sighed in defeat. "But in my defense, every time Alice and I sing that when we play Rock Band, we rock! Well, Alice sings it. I just sing the 'dead or alive' part. But I kill at it!"

"Skills." Mike said sarcastically. I nodded in agreement. He just didn't understand how impressive I am at singing those three words when we play Rock Band. "You should pick something better to sing though. You know, nothing from the eighties. I would be eternally grateful if you would spare me eighties karaoke."

"It's your turn to sing, my friend." I said as I disassembled parts of the espresso machine, to clean it. "Your choice, but if we are voiding out certain music, lets skip rap. K?"

"I don't sing Bella." He said simply.

"Now you do." I countered. There was no way he was getting out of this that easily. "I sang, loudly, so you have to. It's in the rules."

"There are actual rules?"

"Of course…I just made them up." I smiled widely at him as I peaked over the counter so he could just see my face. "So no rap, you have to sing, and dancing is officially required."

"DANCING!?" Apparently Mike didn't like the new rules. "You just made that up!"

"Of course I did, but I'm allowed to." I let out a low grunt as I fished something out of a lower cabinet. "I am the official rule maker, so I can make up any rule, anytime and you just have to go with it."

"This just doesn't seem fair." Mike, always so naïve. I shook my head in disappointment at him. His eyes got wide as he stared at me. "What?!"

"Mike, mike, mike." I ts'ked walking around the counter. "If there is anything Alice taught me it's that a girl is allowed to cheat at things occasionally and they can get away with it, because they're pretty."

"Why haven't I heard about this rule?" Mike challenged.

"Well, obviously because you're a guy." I said slyly. "See, I am letting you in on top secret information here, so you should just be happy I am divulging so much information. Now sing and dance for me or you will lose."

"You're lucky you're so pretty." He muttered. "I still don't know what to sing."

"Ha, well we have a boom box in the back if you would rather just dance to the radio."

"What?!" I just smiled brightly at him. "I thought you said we didn't have a workable radio here. I thought that's why you were singing."

"Yeah, I just wanted to sing horribly for you. It will make you appreciate listening to the professionals on the radio more." Mike walked by me and straight to the back room, that housed said stereo, and came out with music playing behind him.

"Alright, new rule." Mike proclaimed. "We can't switch the station, you can't make up any more rules, and we have to dance to the songs together."

"Just in the same room, right? Not really together?" I asked cautiously. He nodded. "Alright, lets boogie Newton."

I spoke too soon. As soon as the words left my mouth Fergie's 'Fergalicious' streamed through the speakers. While my face sank, Mike's lit up.

"I haven't had enough caffeine for this." I said awkwardly over the music. Mike just shook his head and dragged me to the center of the store. "Mike, I don't dance to this stuff."

"You have to. New rules remember."

I sighed loudly and started moving my hips around a little. I looked goofy and awkward, so I worked with it. I pulled out my best Chandler moves, pointing my fingers in the air and thrusting them back and fourth. Mike's loud laugh made me jump, which only made him laugh louder. My cheeks flushed a light shade of red, but I kept it up. I gave myself mental notes to not drink so much coffee in a day again. Obviously bad things happen to good people when I get caffeine.

"You are the worst dancer ever!" Mike said, happily running over and yanking my hands out of the air. "What the hell was that!?"

Driving home always made me kind of miss living at my old place. It was just so much closer than Edward's. I guess it was a small price to pay, and in all honesty the new living arrangement was working out perfectly. The worst part was the way my truck was puttering about nowadays. Its time was limited and I was heartbroken about the prospect of losing my big hump of rust, and to top it off, Edward was already looking at new cars to buy me. The man was absolutely incorrigible.

My birthday was in less than a week, and I was sure that if I didn't really put my foot down, I would end up with a new car. No way could I let that happen! I would rather take the bus than have a car that Edward bought for me, especially considering everything else he pays for.

"Bella?" Edward called from the living room as I entered the apartment. He turned the corner in the entry way and walked up, greeting me with a kiss on the cheek. "You're late. I was getting worried."

I stared at the clock and then back at him. "I'm only ten minutes late."

"Still, I would feel better if you weren't driving your truck, that is about to break down, home so late at night." I followed him into the living room and plopped on the couch next to him. "How was work?"

"Pretty good actually." I said, a little surprised. "Mike and I closed. We had a small dance party while we worked."

"Oh really?" Edward said, pulling me over so I was straddling his lap. "I'm sure Mike enjoyed that a little too much."

"You bet he did!" I said excitedly. Edward stared at me, looking for further information. "I pulled out my best Chandler moves. It was brilliant. Oh! And I sang Bon Jovi! Just like when we played RockBand at Emmett's the other week."

Edward nodded happily and let out a small chuckle. "Well I'm sure Mike was impressed with your serious skills."

"He wasn't actually!" I said, shaking my head back and forth. "What did you do all day?"

"Work, and some other stuff." He said cryptically. "Did you eat anything yet?"

"No, and what other stuff?"

"Just stuff Bella, don't worry." Edward rose from the couch, still holding me to him, and walked into the kitchen. He placed me gently on the counter, before going over and rummaging through the fridge. "We have leftover spaghetti."

"No way!" I said, hopping down from the counter. "That's what Alice was eating when Jasper proposed. Get your own material Edward."

"You're right. What was I thinking?" He bonked his palm against his head. "Of course eating leftover spaghetti means that by the end of it we will be engaged."

"How about Wendy's! MMMM. That's sounds amazing!!!" I said enthusiastically. "Chicken nuggets with a frosty as my dipping sauce. Perfection."

Edward stared at me strangely. "That's incredibly specific. Alright, deep fried crap it is. You go shower, and I will go get the food. You want anything else?"

"No, just a nugget meal with a small frosty instead of a soda. No soda! Blah." I stuck my tongue out and contorted my face to emphasize my point.

"So you don't like soda now?" He asked as he grabbed his keys from the counter.

"I do, just right now it sounds gross." He walked over to me and kissed my forehead. "Thanks Edward. Love you."

"Not a problem, love. I'll be back soon."

With that he was out the door, off to get our food. I kicked my shoes off in the living room and made my way back to take a shower. That was another benefit to living here. The shower was amazing. It was nice to have it at my constant disposal, oh, and let's not forget that bed. I undressed and hopped in the shower, breathing in the steam rolling around me. I could stay in here for hours and not realize it.

After washing up I hopped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. I made my way out to the living room and smelled my food that was waiting for me.

"FOOD!" I yelled, running full speed at an unsuspecting Edward with his back turned towards me. I wrapped my arms around him and he turned his head as he looked over his shoulder at me. "Thank you Edward!"

"You are a strange woman." He said simply, as I took my seat in front of the food with the frosty. "Yummy!"

"What did you want to do for your birthday?"

"Nothing would be great, thanks." I said as I dipped a chicken nugget into the frosty and took off a bite.

"Nothing." Edward sighed and shook his head. "Let me rephrase this. Is there anything in particular you want to do for your birthday or are you going to make me come up with everything?"

"Neither."

"Right. I will call Alice tomorrow then." Edward said with a smile, staring at me to see my reaction. I didn't even look his way.

"Well, tell her I said hi." I said as I now dipped my French fries in the frosty.

He let out a long sigh, and cringed at my frosty dunking, then ate his own food. We ate quickly, then went and cuddled on the couch. I was exhausted by now, as the caffeine started dissipating from my body, and barely kept my eyes open as Edward turned the channel to one of my designated channels. I cuddled closer to him, trying desperately to stifle the yawn that was trying to escape, but the damn thing escaped. Edward turned off the TV as soon as he heard it and stood in front of me. I stared up at him through squinted eyes before reaching my arms out like a little kid asking to be carried. He chuckled and complied.

I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck after he picked me up, bridal style, and carried me into the bedroom. He laid me on the bed and went over to the drawers, pulling out sweats and a t-shirt. He set them down next to where I was lying on the bed. I just stared at them.

"Are you really going to make me dress you for bed?" He asked incredulously.

"No, I'm working on it." I said grumpily. I squinted my eyes at the clothes, then tried to will my arms into working. "My body doesn't want to move right now. I will just sleep in these clothes."

"No you won't." Edward walked to his side of the bed and crawled over to me.

"Edward you aren't undressing me." I warned. "That is just weird."

Edward sat up and took his shirt off, making my mind turn to mush. All coherent thoughts flew right out the door. I stared openly at the view in front of me, whimpering when he laid back down beside me, cutting his sculpted chest from my sight. My whimpering cut off abruptly as he started trailing kisses down my neck and unbuttoning my shirt at the same time.

"You really think it's weird to have me undressing you?" He asked seductively.

"This is different. The way I was thinking would have been weird." He placed kisses over every new open patch of skin with every button he undid. "This is not so weird."

Edward mumbled a soft 'mhmm' against my skin, continuing to kiss down the now freed skin. He peeled the shirt from my shoulders, taking a moment to pause and take in the view before he moved to unbutton my pants. He pulled them down my legs trailing kisses as he went. I thought I was about to die when he picked up the sweats and t-shirt he had brought over and tossed them to me.

"There, I did the hard part. All you have to do is slip on your shirt." I stared at him in shock. I grumbled grumpily as I slipped the shirt over my head, but disregarded the sweats. "What are you doing?"

"I don't want to wear sweats." I said, laying back down under the covers. "I'm feeling a little stuffy. The t-shirt will do for tonight."

"Whatever makes you more comfortable love." He said, sliding on his own pair of sweats and crawling into bed. He scooted up close behind me and held me close to him, trailing his hands down my bare legs.

"You can't be doing that all night." I said with a yawn.

"I can't help it." He whispered into my ear before giving my jaw a quick kiss. "Sleep now love."

**(A.N. Well.... What did you think??!?! Let me now through a review!)**


	3. My Friends

**(A.N. Playlist is up with new songs for this chapter if you would like to listen. The link is still located on my profile under Hard to Concentrate. It's good stuff so don't deny yourself the pleasure of rocking out to the specially picked tunes. Also, I put a link to Rose's wedding ring on the page and changed Alice's to something that is much more Alice. I actually think her new ring is way cool. I'm loving the reviews so keep it up. I like when you guys talk to me. It makes me feel like I have friends. Oh and any guesses on what I'm going to put next. That's right! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters. **

September 13th. The most dreaded day of the year. The day all my friends call, my whole family wakes me up extra early, my mailbox fills with cards, and loads of unwanted attention gets paid to me. Did I mention all the unneeded presents showered down on me. This day was evil, pure and simple. It was designed to torture me. And all those things are exactly the reason I asked to work today.

I wasn't working with Mike today and the younger girl I was working with was a little grumpy. I'm not sure if I did anything to make her that way, in fact I was kind of getting the vibe she was just like this naturally. She walked around with a constant frown as she spoke in monotone. She had a large patch of, obviously dyed, black hair covering one eye and dark red lipstick on. She reminded me of the depressed poet type, always writing about their own deaths, and how their souls have died. She frightened me a little.

Frightened or not, I was happy to be working with someone who showed absolutely no interest in me, or anything else for that matter. Her complete lack of interest in absolutely everything showed through even more when it was announced by my evil boss this morning that it was my birthday. She looked completely unfazed by the whole thing, making me like her a little.

Though it was nice to not have her constantly telling me over and over again that it was my birthday, the complete lack of conversation made work drag on forever. I was only able to score a five hour shift for today, though I desperately tried to take over other shifts, but to no avail.

Edward wouldn't even let me drive to work today. I was at his mercy when he picked me up. He could drive me anywhere and ambush me with an impromptu birthday celebration if he liked. I loved the man, but he was so going to be on my list after today.

"You have to celebrate your birthday." He had said.

"Why should I celebrate my descent into the grips of death?" I asked back dramatically. "You are celebrating me getting closer to wrinkles. You are a strange man Edward Cullen."

He never bought it though. He was persistent and didn't hide the fact that he was going to be doing something for my birthday. I had no idea what was in store for me when I got off work in half an hour, but I was not looking forward to it. Edward's chipper attitude towards this birthday crap was the one and only thing I have ever found unattractive about the man. Who knew him trying to dote on me for a day would be so annoying? And dote he would. I told him not to go overboard on a present. No, that's not true. I told him not to get me a present at all, but after that just got me scoffed at I compromised and told him not to spend too much or go overboard. He never agreed, but he was much more cooperative about it than with the absolutely no presents deal.

"Hey, I think your ride is here." Came a monotone, very uninterested tone from behind me. "Plus Paul is here to start his shift."

I stared back at the girl, that for the day, I looked to almost as a comrade, if not a somewhat strange one, and now she was throwing me to the fish. I nodded with a deep breath and turned to go clock out. "Traitor" I mumbled as I reached the back room.

Edward, of course, was waiting to ambush me when I came from the back, looking grim.

"Don't worry love." He said sweetly when he noticed my scowl. "It's just a birthday."

"That you insist on making into an event." I countered dryly. "Where are we off to?"

"Home." He said simply, a small smirk playing across his lips.

"Really? No dinner, no party, no nagging Alice?" I asked skeptically. "What aren't you telling me, Cullen?"

"You are much too paranoid." He said with a smile as he opened the passenger door to the Volvo for me. He sat in the car and sped off down the road.

"And how many people are waiting for us at home?"

"A few." I harrumphed and crossed my arms, pouting. He just squeezed my leg reassuringly and shot that glorious crooked smile of his in my direction. Jerk! He pulled into the parking space at the apartment a few moments later. It was incredible how much faster he got home in his Volvo than I did when I drove my truck home. I didn't move from my seat, and made no move for the door. When Edward got around to my side of the car to open the door for me I didn't move when he had it opened. "Love, don't be stubborn and get out of the car."

"I don't want to." I said with a defiant smile as I lifted my eyebrows at him, daring him to make me.

"I'll carry you." He threatened calmly.

"You wouldn't dare." I huffed, glaring at him. He rolled his eyes and bent down towards me, reaching over my lap to unbuckle me. Then he put the same hand he used to unbuckle me behind my back and hoisted me out of the car and over his shoulder. "You are such a jerk."

He shrugged as he kicked his car door shut and started walking towards the apartment. I didn't struggle. I knew I had no chance of escaping even if I wanted to and even if I did escape his grasp he would catch me if I tried to run off, plus I had nowhere to run off too. I was stuck going to my silly birthday party with my silly friends who are all celebrating my descent into gray hair, wrinkles, and old person musk. When he opened the door to our apartment it was much worse than I thought.

We walked in to a chorus of people yelling 'SURPRISE!' at the top of their lungs as poppers went of, spilling confetti over the freshly cleaned carpet. Edward still had me draped over his shoulder, but turned me so I could face the crowd of people. Emmett stuck out like a sore thumb in the mob, but Rosalie was a close second. Little Alice bounced around in the front smiling widely at me while Jasper smiled apologetically next to her. At least he was on my side.

My face brightened when I saw Charlie's head pop out from behind Jasper, and Esme and Carlisle came to stand next to Alice. I turned to weed through the crowd more, to see if there were any other surprises, first catching my eye on Angela with her boyfriend Ben, who was talking to Mike and then, surprise of all surprises my eyes landed on Renee and Phil.

I turned and tapped Edward's shoulder. He turned his head to try and look at me, though from the angle he was looking at me from I doubt he got a very good view. "Hey, did you know both our parents are here?" I asked excitedly. I felt his shoulder shake as his chest vibrated with laughter.

He pulled me from his shoulder, sliding my body down his own, stopping my descent before my feet hit the ground as my face was lined up with his. He gazed into my eyes, his own green orbs shining with love and excitement and leaned in to whisper in my ear, "Surprise."

I kissed him on the cheek and then wiggled from his grip. I smiled up at him one more time, grabbed his hand and ran full speed toward the crowd of my friends and family. Renee stood next to Charlie now and I ran straight for them. I wrapped them both in a bear hug at the same time, smiling like a mad man.

"You sneaky little buggers!" I said, pulling away.

"Sorry sweetheart, we were under strict orders from Alice to not say a word." Renee said sweetly while Charlie nodded in agreement. Alice came up beside me and hugged her arm around my waist.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU OLD FART!" I sighed at her words and put an arm around her shoulder. "Were you surprised? I knew that you would know about a party, but are you surprised about this?"

She waved her hands towards Renee and Charlie, then back at Esme and Carlisle. "Completely shocked." I confirmed. She beamed up at me, letting slip a tiny squeal. I felt a strong arm around my shoulder and looked up to see Jasper standing there smiling down at me.

"Happy birthday Bella." He said sweetly before grabbing up Alice and carting her away.

"Bella dear?" I turned to see Esme walking up to me with Carlisle in tow. "Did Edward really have to carry you all the way up here?"

Carlisle chuckled behind her while she looked at me disapprovingly. I shrugged and nodded. "I had to Esme. I don't want him to get cocky and think he can just take me to surprise parties without warning or repercussions. I swear it was merely me keeping him in his place."

"I suppose I understand that." Esme said with a small smile. "Now come give me a hug birthday girl. It's been so long since I have gotten to see you."

"Thank you for coming." I said happily as she hugged me. "I am actually ok with birthday celebrations when it involves my family that I never get to see."

The day wore on as I mingled like a good hostess, eating the yummy finger foods Alice got for the party. As I made my rounds I realized how many people a hardly see anymore. Angela, for instance, quit the bar and was now working at becoming a teacher, something she had already gone to school for. She was substituting at different elementary schools until she could find a job she wanted to accept. I really missed Angela, and felt like quite the flake for having lost contact with her after the night at the bar. She held no grudge though and we promised to really keep in touch from now on. Mike was there by himself and was behaving and even speaking with Edward enthusiastically. He explained about our impromptu dance party and what a mess I was at dancing. I snuck away from them when Mike started demonstrating my moves while Edward laughed.

Emmett and Rose were schmoozing my parents. Rose had Charlie tongue tied while Emmett flirted shamelessly with my mom or was it the other way around? Either way it was hilarious. Phil was talking to Esme and Carlisle about his baseball season and Alice and Jasper mingled. Mostly just Alice mingled, pulling Jasper along behind her, coming up to me every now and then to make me try some food I hadn't yet gotten to.

"ALRIGHT!!!" Emmett boomed suddenly, as the lights went out. I saw the flicker of candles set atop a cake coming out into the living room, being held by Edward. "EVERYONE READY! AND BELLA I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY DANCING OUT OF YOU!"

I glared over at Mike who was laughing at the jab directed towards me. Then the chorus of singing rang out around me of 'happy birthday.' Emmett's voice all but drowned out everyone else's, but Alice's higher soprano voice streamed through the noise clearly. Edward walked up to me in the middle of the crowd, singing with a smirk on his face as he lowered the cake down in front of me. I smiled up at him, loving the way the candles lit his face, dropping shadows that enhanced his well defined jaw. I looked down at the cake to see that Alice had done the impossible.

Since we were young, for every birthday we always tried to get a professional cake made with funfetti frosting, but we could never get anyone to do it. Funfetti frosting was too delicious to go without when it comes to cake. Here, right in front of me, was a beautifully frosted, if not slightly lumpy(from the funfetti sprinkles mixed in the frosting) professional cake, big enough to feed an army, covered in the stuff. The candles atop it were swirls of different colors that surrounded the lettering in the middle. 'Happy Birthday Bella'

The singing stopped then and everyone waited for me to blow the candles out. I made them wait for awhile, but when Emmett started belting out an encore performance I quickly blew out the candles, causing everyone to laugh in unison.

Cake was served, and was completely delicious. I even swiped some of Edwards frosting while he wasn't looking, which earned a smudge of frosting to be smeared across my jaw. It was worth it. Not only for getting a little extra of that delicious frosting, but also Edward's method of cleaning up the frosting he wiped on me. He leaned down and licked it, but more in a sexy kissing kind of way, from my jaw. If my friends and family weren't right there I probably would have jumped on him. Thank god I have so much self control.

When everyone finished their cake Edward turned to me with a smile. "Ready for your next surprise?"

"What do you mean next surprise?" I asked, glaring at Edward while everyone stared on with knowing smiles. "What is it Edward? You know how much I don't like surprises. I don't know why you insist on doing this to me."

His grin widened into an amused smirk. "It's more of a present than a surprise." He said grabbing my shoulders and leading me down the hall. He stopped me in front of the guest bedroom that housed his piano. He paused and looked at me before he opened the door.

I looked up at him with a pout. "Just open the door you tease!" Edward let out a laugh and then two small hands that I knew had to be Alice's snaked around me, covering my eyes. "You have got to be joking."

"Ok Edward, I got her, and Jasper is here for reinforcement if needed." Alice said in a chipper voice as I heard the bedroom door squeak open. Edward grabbed my hand and lead me into the room before stopping me somewhere in the middle. "Ok Bella. Ready?"

"Yes Alice." I said with a sigh.

She moved her hand to reveal my present to me. There in front of me was a large, very expensive looking computer with a brand new desk under it. My eyes were huge and my mouth hung open as I looked at it, the new printer at one side and a small Barnes and Noble gift card laying on top of the desk in front of the computer. In front of it was the most comfortable looking computer chair I had ever seen. Edward's arms snaked around my middle and he leaned his head down onto my shoulder.

"You told me once that my playing made you want to sit down and write. You said it calmed you enough to free your mind from any troubling thoughts and to let your creativity take over a little better." Edward said, kissing my neck once. "I know you haven't had a huge amount of time to write lately, and I realized that is was partially do to your lack of hardware. This way I can play for you while you write."

I stared up at him with watery eyes, completely moved by the fact that he remembered such a miniscule detail from so long ago. I barely recalled the conversation myself, in not nearly with as much detail. I had said those things in passing. My mouth was slightly open in wonder at how I had gotten so lucky. He was right. My writing had completely taken a back seat to the rest of my life and I had been missing it terribly. He cupped my cheek in one hand and stared down at me straight into my eyes. A small, appreciative smile crept to my lips as I lunged at him. I wrapped my arms tightly around him and buried my face into the crook of his neck.

"Thank you so much Edward." I whispered to him through the frog in my throat. He encircled me in his arms and squeezed me tightly. I felt more loved than I ever had at that moment. "You have no idea what this means to me."

"I'm glad you like it, my Bella." He whispered back sweetly, placing three small kisses down my cheek where a tear had fallen.

I heard a round of applause start and a loud whistle. I looked to see that we had a crowd watching us. My cheeks flushed as I wiped away any remnants of tears that might still remain, before smiling widely at everyone. That earned me another round of applause. I bowed for them.

The party died down soon after that, only leaving the parents and our main group of friends. Alice and Rose talked about wedding details on the couch while our parents all spoke in the kitchen. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward were off talking boy talk while I sat back contently and observed everyone I loved most, all here in the same room.

After everyone left, leaving Edward and I alone, Edward opted for a quick shower. While he went to take his shower I went to play with my new computer. It was entirely too much for him to have gotten me, but I was so touched by his reason behind it that I didn't push the expense. Really, I don't think I would want to know how much it cost him. It was nice, much nicer than that crappy old box monitor and humming computer I used to have. It shined like an expensive computer should, and the screen was giant. Like that was necessary for me to be able to write. But that was Edward. He never did anything half way. He went full out and with the way he enjoyed showering me in gifts it really wasn't surprising that he went full out with this.

I sat in the chair and couldn't help the sigh that escaped my lips. This chair was incredible. I could sleep in this chair if I wanted to. I could see myself sitting in this for hours writing, without getting a butt cramp once!

I pressed the 'on' button and was barely able to hear it as it hummed to life. Such a pretty sound compared to the loud, uneven buzzing that emanated from my prehistoric version of this. Prehistoric and extremely crappy version of this if we were being precise. The screen came to life, asking for a password with a little picture of Edward kissing me on the cheek above it. I smiled at the picture and frowned as I stared down at the empty little box. I needed the password to explore my new gift. Great.

"Edward loves me." A velvety voice said from behind me. I turned and stared at Edward with a towel hanging from his hips. I cocked my head to the side and stared at him in confusion. "The password is Edward loves me. All lower case, one word."

"Oh." I said turning back around and typing it in. "Catchy."

"I just wanted to make sure you always remembered." He said with a shrug.

He stood next to me, smiling down at my fascination with the present he bought for me. I stood up, never taking my eyes from the screen, and motioned for him to sit in the chair which he promptly did, pulling me right back into his lap after he sat. He leaned his chin on my shoulder, watching the screen while I sat doing the same.

"Are you going to play with it, or just stare at it." He asked after a few more seconds of nothing happening.

"I like the picture you put on the background." I said with a giggle. A chuckled rolled from his throat, vibrating softly on my shoulder where his chin was resting.

"Alice's idea." He said still laughing. "I tried to talk her out of it, but apparently you mentioned something about loving when I walk out of the bathroom in just a towel."

"I do. How did she get this picture though?"

"Well, that is a sore subject." He said, shaking his head so the water in his hair tossed little water droplets across the back of my neck. I shivered and smacked his leg gently. "She snuck into our room the other day when you were at work and waited for me to get out of the shower. She hid down on the other side of the bed so she could get a 'candid shot.' "

And a candid shot it was. It was an up angle shot, which showed off Edward's well defined muscles perfectly. He had a white towel hanging loosely from his hips highlighting that sexy 'v' shape his stomach did as if pointing to the main event under the towel. His hair was wet and hung loosely around his eyes, but still in slight disarray, and the shine of water droplets could just be seen scattered all over his bare chest. He looked like a model, but, oh, so much better.

"I'll keep it." I said with a smile.

"I was afraid of that." He said, leaning his chin back on my shoulder. His damp hair tickled my neck as I felt a little droplet drip off and glide down my neck to my collar bone. I shivered again. "Are you cold, love?"

"No, you are getting water on my neck." I said, still not taking my eyes off my new computer while I perused the different programs Edward had already loaded into it. The writing software on the thing was incredible. Who needs to know how to spell or use proper grammar when you have this kind of software? It corrects everything for you!

"I'm sorry." He whispered, turning his head and gently kissing the wet spot on my neck. He didn't stop there. He continued his kisses all down my neck, gently nipping and sucking the skin lightly all the way down and onto my back while his hands tucked themselves under the hem of my shirt to grab my hips gently, pulling me further into his lap. I had a feeling I wasn't going to get too much use out of the computer tonight. The chair on the other hand…

**(A.N. Sorry about the innuendo there at the end, but when you think about it, it wouldn't have been very realistic if that didn't happen. Bella had a picture of Edward in a towel in front of her and the real Edward in a towel behind her. That's double the half naked Edward! How many of you could just sit there surrounded by half naked Edwards? That's what I thought. Anyways, sorry if I offended anyone with the sexual innuendos. Also, don't forget to check out Rose's ring, and Alice's new ring on my profile. Review dudes!)**


	4. Make You Feel Better

**(A.N. Ok everyone. I want to explain something real quick. This story is going to have a little more hints towards carnal acts than Coffee Makes the Heart Grow Fonder did. There is a reason for this; CMTHGF was the beginning of their relationship, when they were still timid and testing their boundaries with each other. I'm mostly talking physically here, so keep up everyone. Now that they have been together for a little over a year they are comfortable enough with each other to be like, "Hey Edward, sex?" "Sure Bella" (a little more suave than that…I hope.) Queue the Marvin Gaye music. Anyways, I want you all to know I am not making them into crazy sex driven, always thinking about getting some, people. I'm just showing their comfort level with it, and each other. It is still rated 'T' and there will be no actual sex scenes. Sorry to disappoint some of you, but I just can't do it. **

**Also, I know everyone is wanting me to update faster, and I really am flattered that you guys are so wrapped up in this story, but my other story, 'New American Classic' is getting my main attention at the moment. That one gets updated once every couple of days, so you could read that to hold you over until this one gets updated. Sorry, guys. I know that's a downer for you, but I am only one person, and I'm writing two stories. I am trying to make them good, with as few errors as possible and still trying to have a life. I really am trying to update as quickly as possible.**

**Oh and play list songs will be added for this chapter, and the link is still on my profile. **

**And of course, thank you for all the reviews. They are great. Keep it up. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!) **

**Disclaimer: Not my characters!**

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"Bella" Edward said excitedly as he jumped on the bed, landing over me, only stopping himself from landing on top of me with his arms and knees. My eyes bolted open as the bed bounced. I squeezed them tightly shut soon after. "Bella wake up."

"Edward, we have been over this." I grumbled unhappily. "Days off are sleep in days. Especially when I request a particular day off."

"But you asked for a weird day off." He said into my ear while poking my sides once. "Honestly Bella. Who asks for the day after their birthday off?"

"Me, now let me sleep."

"But Bella," He sighed out, leaning down rubbing his cheeks and chin against my face. "I shaved." He smelled like aftershave and himself. It was a brilliant combination. Manly and delicious. It was almost enough to make me wake up, but not quite. "You can kiss me all you want without worrying about stubble scratches. Wake up and take advantage, woman!"

"One more hour, Edward. That's all I ask. Your face will still be smooth by then."

"No it won't." He countered stubbornly. "I have super fast growing chin hair, Bella Swan. This is freshly shaved, and as smooth as it's going to get until I shave again. Please take notice and advantage."

"Quit trying to get me to take advantage of you and let me sleep." I whined, trying to pull the covers over my face. He held them tight and leaned down, placing three small kisses over my lips starting from one corner and ending at the other. Then he lightly grabbed my lower lip between his teeth and pulled it gently.

"Edward." I moaned, half because I was tired and half because he was doing what he was doing.

"Yes, Bella." He said huskily and he kissed my lips one more time before trailing a pepper of kisses down my jaw.

"This isn't exactly fair." I said. Well, more breathily, sighed out. Details, details.

"Would you like me to stop?" He asked against my collarbone. Somehow my hand had slipped up into his hair and was urging his kisses on, while I nodded that I did want him to stop. He chuckled at my contradicting behavior and continued his exploration. He traveled up to my ear again and whispered, "Will you please wake up?"

"You are an evil man, Edward Cullen." I huffed, shoving his body off of mine. He rolled off to the side of me, laying on his elbow facing me. He had a devious, triumphant smile pulled across his face. Before he knew what I was doing I pushed him on his back and straddled him, pulling my own shirt off in the process, leaving my top half bare. He stared at me with wide eyes and his lips parted slightly. I leaned down close to his ear, just as he did to me, and purred out, "I'm going to hop in the shower."

"Company?" He breathed out huskily. "Do you want company?"

I shrugged and slipped away from him, walking straight for the bathroom. Having not worn sweats to bed the night before worked to my advantage, especially since the only thing covering my rear were lacy boy shorts. When I got there I turned and looked back at him over my shoulder. He hopped up immediately and started walking over to me, shedding his own shirt along the way. Before he made it to me, I hopped the extra foot into the bathroom, shut the door, and locked it. I heard a heavy sigh and a small thunk as Edward's head hit the other side of the door.

"You are such a tease." He said through the door. I giggled and walked over to turn the shower on. "I love you Bella Swan, but know that you just earned yourself some serious payback to look forward to."

"All talk." I yelled over the sound of the water. I heard his footsteps moving from the door. "Love you too!" I yelled out before he was out of hearing distance. I heard a light chuckle and the squeak of the bed. I smiled triumphantly. Bella, 1, Edward, 0.

Edward had a post birthday, day planned for me, as it turned out. A full itinerary of relaxing couple activities. They were all sugary sweet things that make you want to throw up when you see couples doing them in movies, but I think that was the idea. Among the list of things to do was grab lunch at a deli to take with us for a picnic in the park. Walking hand in hand in the park, and for the record, he actually had it written out like that on the list of activities he gave me. (Yes, there was a list!) A movie later tonight at the cool old theater that only showed old movies from the forties and fifties. And finally, a night of Bella pampering which pretty much meant that he would be my slave from the time we got home to the time we fell asleep. I could ask for a Jamba Juice at three in the morning and he would have to find a way to get it.

We had played this game before, and I have been the one on his side before. Where as I am nice, only asking for a glass of water here and there, maybe a bowl of ice cream, he tends to ask for a little more, shall we say, inappropriate things. Last time, in fact, he made me wear one of his button down shirts with a pair of lace panties around the house for the night and then to bed. His mind seemed to always be in the gutter.

We made our way into the deli, down a ways from the park, hand in hand. Edward insisted that we must be touching in some way for the entire day. Whether it be through hand holding, his hand on my back, or even a hug. I could deal with that just fine, though I knew that I would get a lot of glares from a lot of women when they saw Edward's hand in mine or his arms wrapped around me.

The deli was packed. There was barely any room to stand, but it was mostly people waiting on their food, so we got to the counter and ordered rather quickly then took our spot at the back of the store near a window to wait. Edward kept his arms around me and pulled me close to him so we wouldn't take up as much room or have to speak too loudly to hear each other over the noise around us. So far the day was going fantastic.

"Bella?" I turned to the side to see someone I hadn't really wanted to run into again, especially with Edward around. I felt Edward's head raise as he looked over to see who was talking to me. I tensed slightly, thinking that somehow Edward might just know who the guy standing next to me was. That he would just instinctually feel the need to protect my honor. He didn't.

"Hey Jason." I said timidly. I don't know why I was freaking out. Edward wouldn't have a clue who Jason was, so there really wouldn't be any issues. I hadn't even told him his name, or what he looked like. Edward would have no way to recognize him. Still the two of them being so near made for quite the awkward situation. "How are you?"

"Great." He smiled politely at Edward and extended his hand. "Hey man. I'm Jason."

"Edward." Edward was being polite, if not a little cautious, but that was probably in large part due to how uncomfortable I must seem to him. Edward was always incredibly good at reading me. Right now I was obviously tense. "Nice to meet you."

Jason nodded his agreement and then looked back at me. He looked good. His dirty blonde hair was a little longer now and he wasn't wearing his glasses. He must have gotten contacts. He wore a little nicer clothes than the kind he wore when I had known him. His shirt sleeves were pushed up, revealing his tattoos. It looked like he had added more to his collection, since I last saw him. He seemed to be appraising my appearance, but I doubted he saw anything too different. I wasn't too different from the way I was before, at least not looks wise.

"You look good, Bella." He said with a smile. Before I could thank him I noticed one of Jason's friends walk up behind.

"Well, well. If it isn't Bella. I haven't seen you for a few years. You look good." He said, obviously looking me up and down. I bit my lip in embarrassment and my cheeks flushed. The guy always had an issue with looking me over a little too closely. I never liked him for that reason and so many others. The guy was a big jerk!

"You seem about the same." I said as politely as I could muster, though my annoyance still rang clearly through the comment. He smirked at me, amused by my annoyance. Edward's arms tightened around me protectively as he gave a me quick kiss on my neck for reassurance.

"So this is the new boyfriend?" Alex, Jason's friend, asked cockily. Jason smiled apologetically at me.

"Well, Bella, it was nice seeing you again." He pushed Alex away towards the door before he turned back around. "I'm sorry about him, Bella. You know Alex though. He can be a jerk sometimes."

"Yeah, don't worry. It was nice seeing you, Jason." I said with a smile. He was a nice guy now, though I doubt he realized the full reason why I made such a point to stay away from him before. I didn't exactly explain things to him.

"You too, and it was nice meeting you, Edward." Edward gave Jason a small nod before Jason turned and walked out of the store. Well, seeing Jason had definite potential to dampen the day. Just as Edward was about to ask me about it our order came up, saving me from having to explain. I was hoping I could wait till Jason was a little further away before I told Edward who he was. No need to start anything.

Edward and I walked to the park, lunch in hand, in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, just thoughtful. When we finally got to the park and started walking down one of the paths, Edward grabbed my hand to pull me closer. Then he settled his arm around my shoulder, giving a me a quick kiss on the top of my head.

"So, how did you know that guy." He asked with a sweet smile in my direction. I didn't really want that smile disappearing, so I stalled.

"Who? Jason?" I asked with the wave of a hand looking at the ground a little more intently. "He's just an ex."

Edward paused a moment, giving me a sideways glance. "That was him wasn't it?"

"What? Who?" I asked pathetically.

"He's the other guy besides Jacob that you…you know…with before me. The one who kind of forced you into it." It wasn't really a question. He knew by the way I was acting that it wasn't just some guy i dated for a little while. I nodded, mutely staring at the ground. "Damn. I did not want to be nice to that guy when I met him. I certainly wasn't planning on shaking his hand."

"He has changed a lot since then." I defended. "He is an ok guy now. At least as far as I can tell."

Edward pulled me over to a nearby table, taking our food and setting it down before pulling me over to him and encircling me in his arms.

"Bella, love, he could be a saint now, but I am never going to like him." He kissed the tip of my nose and looked into my eyes. "I am not too amazing at forgiving people who have hurt you in any way. And the way he hurt you, with me, there is no coming back from that. It's probably for the better that I didn't know who the guy was before."

I nodded and nuzzled further into his warm embrace. I looked up into his eyes and smiled. "Can we eat now?"

The rest of the day flew by. We stayed in the park for a few hours, walking around, talking and just enjoying each other's company. Edward wouldn't let my hand go the whole time, insisting we must follow the rules.

When we got to the movie theater and walked in, it was incredible. It was an older building with lots of detailed trimming and was painted in rich and ornate colors. There weren't many people in the only theater the place had, but that made it better. More intimate feeling for Edward and me.

Edward kept his arm around me, laughing as I clapped excitedly when seeing the title 'Roman Holiday' displayed across the screen, followed promptly by Audrey Hepburn's name.

"I thought you might like that." He whispered into my ear. I turned and looked at him, smiling widely, giving him a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. He really was an incredibly good boyfriend.

_Nine days later-_

I cringed slightly as my stomach started cramping. I had taken Midol before work, but these just seemed a little different. They intensified as I moved or twisted wrong and were becoming increasingly worse with time. I wasn't liking my new form of cramps and thought about staging a revolt.

Everyone had made their way home. My mom and Phil left about two days after my birthday, my dad left the next day, and Esme and Carlisle departed shortly after Charlie. It sucked seeing them leave, but then again, it was so incredibly cool that I got to see them all in the first place, that I found it hard to complain. Right now though I was sort of happy they weren't around to deal with my crappy mood.

Today was an afternoon shift, but I was exhausted. Between the cramps and having to attend an early morning wedding planning session at Alice's, my eyelids were feeling extraordinarily heavy. My body ached like I had worked out for hours, but I blamed that on Edward's insistent badgering for me to go to the gym with him. I'm sure just the mere thought of exerting myself in such a way is the cause of my aching muscles.

Alice's little wedding planning party consisted of just Alice, Rose, and I. I was pretty sure I was only there so I wasn't left out, because I didn't do anything but whine the whole time. Poor Alice was getting really annoyed with me.

"Bella, go take a Midol or something." She said, patting my knee after a particularly lengthy complaint from me.

You know how when you are PMSing and getting really mad, but then you just get even more angry when someone tells you that you're only mad because you're PMSing? That's what happened with Alice. Alice saw the glare I shot her, something that came on to my face without me intentionally putting it there, and realized her mistake.

"This is more whining than even you do normally." Alice said calmly, knowing what the glare was for. "Honey, you need the Midol."

She was right, but they didn't help too much, at least not with the cramps. I had simmered down after that though. I knew I was being a jerk. Poor Alice was just trying to get things ready for the wedding she has always dreamed about and I was sitting there tainting the experience. I have been keeping my temper in check all day, and let me tell you it has been no easy task. I am purely just being a grumpy person. I don't even want to hang out with myself right now.

Edward has been brave, putting up with me all week without so much as a complaint. The only thing that made me realize I wasn't being nice was the small smirk that would cross his face. It was different than his normal smirk, more of a 'are you really mad about that?' kind of smirk, but he never said anything. I was much better with Edward than I was with Alice today though, I knew that much. I only got the smirks from Edward here and there over the last week, where as today, with Alice, I even knew I was being grumpy while it was happening, but that didn't seem to stop me at the time.

Now though, to top off my aching body, my cramping abdomen, and my sour mood, I was getting nauseous. I hadn't actually thrown up yet but I had a feeling it was going to happen. That was one thing that really sucked about working in customer service. You get exposed to different bugs that the costumers were just getting over. I hadn't actually had the flu for a few years, but I knew this had to be the flu. Thankfully, it was time to clock out and drive home.

I turned the music up loudly in my truck, trying to get my mind off the war raging in my stomach. It felt like one hell of an epic battle was happening down there, trying to force the contents of my stomach up through my throat. I fought back desperately, trying to prevent my traitorous stomach from pushing the contents of my stomach through my mouth, and thereby defiling my poor, dying truck. The poor old hunk of metal was already gasping in its last breaths, so to speak, but I wasn't about to add insult to injury by puking all over it. I pushed the gas pedal down further, trying to get home before the flood gates opened. Traffic was heavy, at least in comparison to what I am used to driving home in, but I made it without dousing my truck.

I ran up to the door to our apartment and fiddled frantically with my keys. When I finally got the damn door open I ran in, throwing my purse on the floor as I went. Edward was getting up from the couch, smiling at me, until he saw my fast pace as I race past him. His eyebrows knitted together.

"Bella…" I held a finger out, giving him a stern look asking, no, ordering him with my eyes to stay where he was until I was through. My mouth stayed firmly shut, lips pressed together tightly. I have no delusions about how loud I can get when I throw up, nor do I have any doubts that if I opened my mouth to speak he would not only hear me vomit, but see it first hand.

I ran to the back bathroom, not bothering to shut the door behind me. The contents in my stomach started rising through my throat right as I got in front of the toilet, emptying the contents rapidly and violently, making the aching muscles and painful cramps hurt all the more.

I only vaguely recognized Edward's hand rubbing my back soothingly while his other hand kept my pony tail from spilling over into the direct line of fire.

Finally, when my stomach had nothing left to give, I flushed the toilet and hunched over the porcelain bowl, closing my eyes and breathing in through my nose and out of my mouth. I didn't move a muscle or open my eyes. My head was spinning and all that would do is cause another gut wrenching batch of dry heaves.

"Lets get you into bed." Edward said soothingly as he wiped some wisps of hair that stuck to my sweaty forehead away from my face. He picked me up gently, making a point not to make any jerky movements and carried me from the room. I considered making him take me to the sink first to brush my teeth, but the thought of sticking the toothbrush in my mouth made me want to gag. He laid me gently on the bed, after he expertly pulled the covers back while still holding me. "I'll be right back."

All I could do was nod as I curled into a ball and huddled under the covers. The sweat trickling on my body was making me shiver as the air hit it. I felt my bottom lip begin to quiver from the cold only seconds before I felt Edward wrapping the covers more snuggly around me. I heard the light ting of a waist bin being placed by the bed, for me to upchuck in. Edward gently placed a cool, wet rag over my forehead, causing me to shiver, and placed a bottle of water in my hands.

"Drink some water, love." He said, when I tried to push the water away. I felt no need to fill my stomach with anything else that could come right back up. Empty stomach equals no throwing up. "Bella, it will be better for you to have something to throw up."

I grumbled and grabbed the water from him, taking a drink and swishing it around in my mouth. As the water made it's way into my stomach it felt almost good to have it in there. I took another big gulp and laid my head back down. Edward looked down at me with a small smile from his place on the edge of the bed.

"Hi." I rasped out. "I missed you."

Edward's smile widened as he let out a low chuckle. "I missed you too love." He said, running the back of his hand over my cheek. "Is this the first time you threw up today?" I nodded.

"I have been feeling kind of sick all day though. My whole body is kind of sore." I said quietly. The little session with the toilet bowl made my throat ache, making me want to cough if I spoke too much. "How was your day?"

"Fine." He said sweetly. "I'm going to get you something for the aches then I want you to try and sleep."

I nodded and yawned. Sleep sounded good. As I yawned I felt the familiar tightening in my stomach as the little bit of water starting making its way back up my throat. I leaned over the bed, grabbing the waist bin and heaved the contents of my stomach into it. Edward stayed by me until I finished, rubbing my back and keeping my hair away from anything gross. I laid back down soon after and moaned. This sucked, and as sweet as Edward was being, I would really prefer it if he didn't have to hear me throwing up.

"Edward thank you for the help, but could you vacate the bedroom. I would prefer you not hearing, or seeing me…you know." I waved my hand towards the waist bin, which I just dispelled the water I so recently drank into, as I closed my eyes.

"I'll only leave to get you something, otherwise I am staying right here with you and nursing you back to health."

Usually the thought of Edward nursing me back to health would make my heart burst with all the love he was showing me, and how amazing he was being, but right now all I could think about was how grossed out he must be and how bad I must smell. It was early yet, still light out, but I had a feeling I was going to be sleeping for awhile, so I didn't argue with Edward. Instead I laid my head back further into the pillows and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

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**(A.N. Alright, to anyone bitching about where this story is going just give me until chapter six before you decide to not read the story anymore. I promise it isn't anything you have read before…well, at least I haven't ever come across it in any fanfics. If you don't like, please discontinue reading if you so choose. Review my sweets!)**


	5. Roller Coaster

**(A.N. So there are new songs on the play list, for anyone interested. I hope you enjoy the chapter because I had fun writing it. Anyone out there threatening not to read the story anymore if it doesn't go the way they want it can go fly a kite. Enjoy! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters.**

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"How long have you been this sick?" Alice asked as she pulled my hair back and I hunched over the toilet. I had Edward call her over when Edward tried assisting me. He was officially banned from the fancy bathroom until further notice.

"Um, well, I just started puking maybe yesterday. It's been kind of off and on though." I said pathetically. "You'll probably catch whatever I have. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I have short hair, so Jasper has no reason to bother me when I throw up." She said with a smile while she brushed some wisps of hair out of my face. "Besides, when I throw up I'm not as loud as you."

I grimaced. "I'm so gross." I whined. "Poor Edward, he probably thinks I'm repulsive now."

"Yeah. That's really likely to happen." She scoffed.

Just then my stomach tightened and then started pushing its contents up through my throat. I leaned back over the toilet bowl and heaved out the rest of my breakfast.

"Yucky." I said in a raspy voice while Alice flushed the toilet. "That tasted horrible!"

"Well it didn't look very appetizing either." Alice muttered as she grabbed the wet rag beside her and wiped down my forehead. "Bella, are you sure there isn't something else wrong with you?"

"Like what, Alice? What else could be wrong with me?"

"Well, you could be pregnant." Alice said cautiously.

My head popped up quickly as I glared at Alice. "That is impossible. Don't say that! What's wrong with you, Alice?"

"When's the last time you had your period?" She asked seriously.

"I'm not sure, but I've been having cramps lately, so I'm going to start soon. It's not that." Alice looked at me dubiously. "Alice, it's impossible. We always use protection. I'm on the pill and he suits up. Every time."

"Are you sure?" She asked, giving me a probing look. I sighed.

"Alice, this isn't even like morning sickness." I said waving my hand over the toilet. "I may not be an expert on babies, but I know enough to know that once you throw up, you are supposed to feel better. I still don't feel better and I have thrown up way more than just once." She stared at me in doubt. I heaved another sigh. "I'll prove it. EDWARD!" I yelled and waited a few seconds. "EDWARD, I NEED YOU!"

"Bella, did you call me?" Edward asked through the door a few minutes later.

"Yes, can you come in here a second?" He walked through the door and handed me a water bottle.

"How are you feeling, love?" He asked sweetly while kneeling down beside me.

"Ucky." I said unscrewing the cap off the bottle and chugging the contents, stopping to swish the liquid around in my mouth as I tried to dislodge the taste that apparently wanted to take on a permanent residence. "You always wrap up whenever we have sex right?"

"What?!" He asked surprised. "What kind of question is that? Of course I do. Why?"

"Nothing, that's all I needed." Edward stared at me a few seconds more before his face fell. He stared at me worriedly.

"Bella, why are you asking me if I use protection?" He knew why I was asking and I personally didn't want to say it out loud. "Bella, are you…"

"No, Edward! I was just proving it to Alice." I said waving my hand at him to get him to leave. I could feel my stomach rolling around and didn't want him present for the opening of the flood gates. "Edward, please go before I puke again."

He looked at Alice nervously; she smiled a reassuring smile at him. He kissed me on the forehead and stood to leave. Before he was at the door, he turned back towards us. "Bella, you would tell me right?"

"Of course, Edward. Don't worry." I said lovingly, looking him in the eyes. "But I am really about to throw up again."

After heaving up all the water I had just drank, I could feel how empty my stomach was. "Okay, leave for a second, I have to pee."

When I finished up in the bathroom I called out to Alice. "Alice, can you help me to the bed?"

"Sure, sweetie." She said, walking into the bathroom. She wiped the sweat that formed on my forehead off with a wet rag before she helped me stand. I flinched at the movement as it made sharp pain shoot through my stomach.

"Why are you flinching? What hurts?" Alice asked, frantically waving her hands in front of me.

"Nothing, just my cramps acting up." I said through my grimace. Her shoulders relaxed instantly. "It feels like my ovaries are trying to explode."

"Nice." She said and she ushered me out of the bathroom. She laid me in bed and put a waste bin next to it. "I have to get going. Call if you need anything and don't be stupid about letting Edward help you. He isn't going to find you any less attractive because you throw up loud."

"But it's _so gross_." I whined from my place on the bed.

"Don't be stubborn, Bella. Please." She laid the wet rag over my forehead and pulled the covers up to my chin, tucking me in tightly. She bent down and kissed my cheek. "I'll call to check up on you later. Olive juice."

"Olive juice, too." I said weakly as my eyes got heavy. This throwing up business was tiring. "Thanks, Alice."

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"Bella." I woke up to his charming voice whispering in my ear. "Bella, love, wake up for me."

"Edward?" I asked groggily.

"Love, Alice dropped something off for you and I'm supposed to make you use it right away." He said staring down at me. The room was spinning slightly as I looked up at him.

"What is it?" My voice was scratchy and rough from the damage done when I was throwing up. "Can't it wait 'till later?"

"I was hoping you would do it now, too, actually." He said swiping some hair that stuck to my sweaty forehead. "Please."

"What is it?" I asked again, sitting up. The room spun a little more so I squeezed my eyes shut and grabbed my head to make sure it wasn't spinning with the room. It sat safely, and firmly, on my shoulders. I finally opened my eyes to see that the room had slowed its spinning and looked at Edward, then down to his hands. He was holding a plastic bag. "What did she bring?" He pulled a box out of the plastic bag and I moaned in exasperation. "No! I'm going back to sleep."

"Bella, please." Edward said, bending down so he could whisper in my ear. "For me. We're just worried about you and want to cross this off the list of possibilities."

"But I am on my period." I groaned. "I just started earlier today."

"Oh, well, did Alice know that?" Edward asked, sounding relieved.

"No, I didn't think it was necessary to shout it from the rooftops." I grumbled. "Besides she wouldn't have believed me and I was not about to provide any form of evidence."

"Well, alright." He said smoothing my hair and kissing my cheek. "Maybe you should take it anyways, love."

"Will you let me sleep if I pee on the stupid stick?" I asked grouchily. I saw the faintest hint of a smile as he nodded. I grabbed the box from him and sat up making the room spin wildly again. "Can you help me into the bathroom?"

"Of course." His voice sounded so sweet and tender, but I could hear the undertone of worry plainly etched throughout it.

Edward held one arm and my waist as he helped me to the bathroom. He was being incredibly gentle and moved his hand higher on my waist when I grimaced as my cramps sent sharp pains through my stomach. Apparently getting the flu while you're on your period is a horrible combination that I never wanted to experience again. Edward sat me down on the counter while he opened the box Alice brought over and handed me the little stick. He pulled out the instructions and with shaking hands read them to himself. The papers flapped around as his hands shook at an incredible speed.

I rested my hand on his to steady the shaking. "Edward." He looked up at me with worry filled eyes and took a deep breath. "It's fine. I really don't think I'm pregnant."

He nodded and looked down at the counter as he ran a hand through his hair. "I know. I'm just not sure what's better." He said taking another breath. "I certainly wasn't planning on having a child anytime soon, but I'm not sure that I want you to be this sick from just a bug. At least if you were pregnant there would be a reason you were feeling so horrible. Well, at least part of why you are feeling so horrible."

"Well, don't get your hopes up. I'm not pregnant." He nodded and helped me off the counter. I tried to hold back the grimace as the pain shot through my lower stomach again, but of course Edward noticed.

"Are you okay?" He asked frantically.

"Yeah, just cramps and my stomach hurts." I said waving him off. "Just normal period and flu stuff."

Edward helped me over to the toilet before leaving the bathroom to wait outside. I sat down and did as the instructions said. It was pretty simple really. Place little stick awkwardly between legs and pee on it. Pretty cut and dry (okay, maybe dry is the wrong word to use here), if not a little messy. When I finished I got myself up and walked myself over to the sink while supporting myself against the wall. After putting some toilet paper on the counter, I placed the little stick on it and washed my hands thoroughly.

"Bella, are you finished?" Edward called from outside the door.

"Yes, you can come in." I said as loudly as I could manage.

My throat was torn apart at this point. My heartbeat was racing a hundred miles an hour from the short walk over from the toilet to the sink, and probably for the tiny little piece of my mind that thought there might be the tiniest possibility I was pregnant. My reflection in the mirror showed an even paler version of myself with dark circles surrounding my eyes. I couldn't stop sweating and my hands felt clammy and gross. I leaned heavily against the counter for support until I felt Edward's hands on my waist. One of his hands slid down under my legs before he gently hoisted me up and started carrying me out of the bathroom.

"But the test." I said weakly as I rested my head in the crook of his neck. His skin felt nice and cool compared to my own.

"I'll check it when it's ready. You are going to lay in bed and get some rest." I didn't argue. I was freezing, and the warm, cozy confines of the blankets sounded perfect. I hated that I was getting this sweaty and still freezing.

"Will you lay with me while you wait?" I asked through a yawn. "I'm tired, but I don't think I will be able to fall asleep just yet."

Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Whatever you want, love."

The three minutes that we were supposed to wait for the results felt like three hours, but then when the time came around to check it, the fourth minute felt like it passed by in mere seconds. I knew I wasn't pregnant, but seeing Edward's worried eyes, and thinking of how badly shaken he was earlier, made my nerves seem like live wires. Everything had my heart racing rapidly. Edward finally got up after kissing me once on my forehead. He disappeared into the bathroom a second later after a moment's pause outside the door.

"Shit." I heard Edward breathe out before I heard the sound of a small ting as something hit the floor. I knew what that something was. That damn pink stick was scaring Edward by showing that evil, little smiley face. Edward appeared in the doorway with wide eyes, staring at nothing, while he held onto the door frame.

"Edward?" I asked softly. His gaze lifted to mine before he made his way over to me and wrapped me in his arms. He didn't speak, just held me to him tightly, making my abdomen scream out in pain. He whispered my name repeatedly in my ear between saying 'I love you.' "Edward, what did it say?"

I knew what it said, but the feel of his Adam's apple moving as he swallowed hard before he pulled back to look at me screamed the answer to me, a loud, clear "positive." I sat mute for a few seconds, my face blank, the room still spinning, the pain in my abdomen still aching. Edward grabbed my face gently in his hands and kissed my lips softly, tenderly, letting his lips linger for awhile longer than usual. He rested his forehead against mine and stared me straight in the eyes. "Bella, you're pregnant."

I nodded as the world spun faster around me and everything went dark.

When I woke up my memories came racing back to me, as well as the pain in my stomach that shot through me wildly, making me gasp. Edward was asleep beside me, curled up and facing me with one of his hands gently resting on my arm. He was fully dressed and on top of all the covers like he just laid down next to me and eventually fell asleep. His eyebrows were pulled together even in his sleep, showing me how worried I was making him. My heart was still beating rapidly and my muscles felt all but useless. I sat up slowly as the room spun faster and faster with each movement until I was sitting up straight with my legs over the side of the bed. I buried my head in my hands as I waited for the spinning to slow down again before looking back up into the dark room. The spinning didn't slow that much, but it was enough to make it so I wouldn't upchuck everywhere.

Everything ached. I rubbed my shoulders tenderly as I sat there gauging the distance from the bed to the bathroom. I would have to wake up Edward for help unless I wanted to crawl and even then there was still the issue with getting off the bed. Edward's bed, our bed, was high off the ground and I knew from past experiences how much it hurt to fall off the side of this bed. The wood floor wasn't welcoming.

I turned slightly, grimacing as the pain shot through my stomach again, and wiggled Edward shoulders. It took a great deal of effort to do such a small task. My muscles felt like jello in my arms. It was even hard to grip his shoulder enough to get a firm enough hold to actually shake it.

He woke with a start and stared at me worriedly as he hopped up and sat beside me on the edge of the bed. He grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me fiercely while still being gentle. It was a kiss that did nothing but yell out how worried I made him. I was pretty sure I fainted, and with how worried Edward was before that, between me being sick and pregnant, me fainting on top of all that probably about made Edward faint too.

"Bella, I was so worried." He said against my lips, confirming my thoughts. "I'm sorry I freaked out."

"You didn't freak out." I said confused, in a scratchy voice. "You reacted pretty normally I'd say. I faint due to my own issues, not because of how you reacted. I understand that you didn't want to have a kid yet. Hell, I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of it."

"As long as it's with you I am more than willing to have a child." He said, cutting me off. "You are my entire life, Bella. I know I'm going to be with you forever and I knew I was going to have a child with you someday. It's just happening sooner rather than later. I've actually warmed up to the thought of having a kid."

"Well, that didn't take long." I rasped out weakly. It was getting harder and harder to keep myself upright. The pain shooting through my stomach hadn't diminished and the spinning room was beginning to speed up again. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to dispel the felling of nausea growing inside of me.

"Love." Edward lifted my head up so he could look at me, then pulled my eyelids apart with his fingers. He gazed into my eye inspecting my pupils. "There is something else wrong with you. The pregnancy shouldn't be making you this sick. I don't know what it is exactly, but you need to go to the hospital."

The thought of the amount of movement it would take to get to the car, then the drive to the hospital made my gag reflex weaken slightly, and made me wince at the sheer thought of how my cramping abdomen might react. I shook my head at him. "No, I'm fine for now." I said weakly. "I'm just tired. That's all it is."

"Bella, you need to go to the hospital."

"In the morning." I bargained. "We can go in the morning. I just have to use the ladies room real quick and then I want to sleep again."

Edward stood and nodded his head. He put both hands under my elbows, then waited patiently for me to start standing. I gave myself a few moments before exerting that much energy into something. When I finally talked my legs into the proper movement, I grabbed Edward's forearms with my hands while he still held me under each elbow. I lifted myself up with a lot of help from Edward. As soon as I was standing a sharp pain shot through my abdomen, knocking my knees out from under me and sending me toppling to the floor with a cry. Edward swooped me up effortlessly.

"I'm taking you to the hospital."

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**(A.N. Alright, so this chapter isn't telling you guys even half of it. For all those not wanting to read on because it says she's pregnant, please read the next chapter. Nothing is as it seems [waves hands around hypnotically.] I promise. Just read the next chapter and then if you still think it is cliché and used then please discontinue reading. Thanks guys! REVIEW!)**


	6. Death of a Martian

**(A.N. I'm really sorry about the wait. Between computer problems, the holidays, and just life in general, it's been quite hectic. Okay. So read this chapter, and tell me what you think. Again, I don't think I have seen this happen before in a story, but I could be wrong. I am only one person reading fanfics, so there could be another story out there where this happens. Either way, I hope you all enjoy the chapter. The play list link is still on my profile and there will be new songs added for the chapter. Thanks for reviewing! And continue to do so. Thanks to my wonderful BETA! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters.**

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The car drive was about as nauseating as I imagined. Every turn took me further over the edge, but I held it in. If I didn't want to defile my crappy old truck, then I certainly didn't want to taint Edward's precious Volvo. He was worried enough; I didn't want to make him have to clean up something like that too. He wouldn't complain, obviously, if I threw up all over inside his car, but I think that might actually make me feel worse about it. Nope, instead I kept my lips pressed tightly together and my eyes closed.

The cold window felt nice against my cheek, but did nothing for the pain shooting through me. It wouldn't dull as much anymore and neither would the spinning world around me. Things seemed to just speed up, and now when it slowed down, it was still dizzyingly fast. My heart still thumped rapidly in my chest, and my muscles ached. My body was just one big pain after another.

The hospital parking lot was the worst. Why they put speed-bumps all over parking lots where people are in a hurry and injured was beyond me. Trying to save lives? What if one of those silly speed-bumps knocked some poor sap right over the edge, killing them before they reached the emergency room? I bet that would make them feel bad.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Edward sighed out as he pulled into a parking space. "I tried to maneuver around the speed-bumps, but it's like a mine field out there."

Before I could answer him, he was out the door and lifting me out of the car. He did all the work. Initially, getting picked up hurt like hell, even if Edward was being incredibly gentle, but after that, it was exponentially more comfortable than if I were to try to walk on my own.

"Thank you, Edward," I whispered out against the crook of his neck. I curled into as much of a ball as his arms would allow and tried to salvage some heat. Edward put his jacket over me as best he could and walked toward the emergency room entrance.

"I love you, Isabella Swan," He said, kissing my forehead before the warmth of the emergency lobby hit me as we went inside. Edward walked straight to the nurse manning the front, explaining everything to her. She asked normal questions, made me sign normal papers, but soon after we were sent straight back.

Apparently the emergency found my current condition much more urgent than when I bonked my head. I was seen straight away much to Edward's pleasure. He was worried sick. I was pretty sure they would have to treat him for anxiety if he didn't calm down. He wouldn't let me walk at all, something I think helped get us through the emergency room doors all the quicker. They laid me out on a bed and a doctor was in within minutes.

"Alright, Ms. Swan," said the doctor, not even looking up at me from his chart yet. He introduced himself to Edward and me, shaking Edward's hand before he sat on his swivel chair and looked at me. I had already forgotten his name. "I want you explain everything going on with you to me. What hurts, how long it's been hurting, etc. Don't leave anything out."

"Okay. Well, I have been throwing up a lot," I said, testing to see if I was going in the right direction. The doctor nodded and motioned for me to continue. "And I took a pregnancy test not very long ago, a couple hours at most, and it was positive, though I don't see how it's possible."

"Why don't you think that's possible?" The doctor asked as he wrote down some notes.

"Well, first I'm on the pill, and Edward here, always makes sure to use protection. Plus, I have been getting really bad cramps and I have been bleeding…" I paused and bit my lip in embarrassment before gesturing with a pointed finger downwards. "Down there."

"Where are the cramps hurting?" He asked standing from his seat.

"Same place as usual," I said with a small shrug. It was getting incredibly hard to be non-chalant while it felt like my insides where being torn in two.

His face had tightened like he might know what was going on. I laid back flat, wincing as the slight movement shot a mild pain through my abdomen and pointed to the places I was hurting. He prodded and poked around my stomach making me grimace and yelp a few times. At times, his poking made my arm flinch as if I was going to reflexively smack him for intentionally jabbing my aching belly, but I held back. Edward eyes were huge and his face was flawed with worry. It distracted me slightly from Dr. Pokey.

"Listen, doc. I understand that birth control and condoms aren't completely safe-proof, but what are the chances I am actually pregnant?" I said with a grunt. "I mean, I know the whole shpeel. Only abstinence can be the full protection against unwanted reproduction, but we are super careful."

"Did you miss any days taking the pill?" He asked as he helped me sit up so he could poke at my back.

"Well, maybe one," I said sheepishly.

"That could help. If a condom has even the tiniest whole in it, it can let a little guy through that can be fertilized. Plus, as you said, nothing is one hundred percent safe. Pre-ejaculate can contain sperm to get you pregnant, so if you don't 'suit up' from the beginning it can cause a pregnancy. It's just the risk you take being sexually active." He laid me back down gently as he finished his lecture. "Now, you said you were bleeding?"

"I suppose it was more what you might call spotting," I said nodding. "It wasn't a lot of blood, but I sometimes have that happen right before my period," I said with a shrug. "Oh, and I have been getting really dizzy. It's like the room is just spinning all over the place, which I doubt is helping with the nausea."

"Okay. We have to run a few more tests, but from the sounds of it, it might be what we call an ectopic pregnancy." I saw Edward's head snap up at the sound of the name. "I take you have heard of this before," the doctor asked Edward after seeing his reaction. Edward only nodded, his eyebrows drawn together as if he was doing calculations in his head. "I'm going to do my own pregnancy test on you. One a little more sensitive and also a pelvic exam. I'll send a nurse in to set you up with an IV and some oxygen for the time being."

"IV? Oxygen? Why do I need those?" I asked getting nervous. "What the hell is an ectopic pregnancy?"

"An ectopic pregnancy is a pregnancy that develops outside of a woman's uterus, usually in the fallopian tube. The fertilized egg from the ovary develops somewhere else in the abdomen." The doctor paused to take a breath. "The egg cannot get proper nourishment or grow in the tube. There isn't room, or means to keep it alive. The egg won't be able grow into a fetus."

"So, the baby can't grow where it is?" He smiled kindly and nodded.

"Don't worry, Ms. Swan. I will explain everything in a moment. First we need to find out if you are really pregnant." He wrote a few more things down before sitting back in his swivel chair. "If it is an ectopic pregnancy, we will have to take immediate action. I want to do an ultrasound and the other tests before I can give you more information. I would hate to worry you for nothing."

With that he left the room leaving me with an overly quiet Edward who kept my hand in his firmly placed against his lips. I didn't quite grasp what was happening. Most of what the doctor said jumbled together. It was hard to focus when I was preoccupied with the pain shooting through my stomach and the room spinning around me.

I turned the other way and kept my eyes firmly shut when they took my blood sample. Blood made me woozy and that wasn't something I needed help with at the moment. Edward kept a hold of my hand and brushed my hair back from my face. His eyes were so filled with worry I felt like hugging him. I would have hugged him if moving didn't hurt so much. Neither of us spoke while we waited for the tests to come back.

Nurses came in and out poking me with needles while the other set up an oxygen machine and attached it to my face. I felt ridiculous, and quite frankly I didn't like this being-a-pin-cushion thing. Sure, the IV was only one needle, but the pregnancy test was needle two. That was two needles too many. As the last nurse left she instructed me to shed my pants and to cover myself with one of the paper sheet things the hospital provided.

Edward had to help me out of my pants, but refused to leave the room when I asked him to. I didn't like the idea of having my boyfriend in here when another man probed my womanhood. It just seemed wrong.

"Well, you are pregnant." The doctor announced as he walked in the room. I smiled lightly at that. The idea was definitely warming on me. He was pushing in a tray covered in materials I knew too well while a nurse wheeled in a machine and another tray which as far as I could tell was for the ultrasound.

The doctor asked me to lift my shirt up so he could cover it in weird jelly stuff before placing a cold, little probe-looking thing on my stomach, moving it around in circles. Apparently I wasn't as well informed on medical jargon as I thought. Sure when it comes to concussions, stitches, broken bones, or any other injury you can get being the world's clumsiest person, I know everything the doctors are saying, but get me pregnant, and I haven't the slightest idea what anyone is talking about.

"I can't get a really great read right now," the doctor said squinting at the screen that looked like a TV without cable. "But, that little dot, right there." He used his pinky and pointed to a speck on the screen. "Looks like the baby. It seems we are working with an ectopic pregnancy."

I felt Edward's posture slump and when I looked up at him, he looked defeated. His face was expressionless, and his shoulders were hunched. He worked up a smile when he caught my eye that I think he meant to be reassuring, but it wasn't.

"Alright, Ms. Swan. Time for the pelvic exam," the doctor said, rolling his chair over to where he would get the front and center view when I put my legs in the stirrups. He helped get my feet up, watched my face carefully as I winced at the slightest movements.

I gave Edward one last pleading look, only earning a stern look and a shake of the head. I heaved out a sigh. "Fine, but you better stay up around my head," I warned him. He nodded as he took his place.

"This is going to be a little cold," the doctor said, right before he started.

My cheeks flamed red as I bit my lip in embarrassment. Edward was holding my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. This kind of thing was awkward enough without your boyfriend standing right there beside you witnessing the whole thing. I stared at the ceiling, keeping my eyes from gazing over towards Edward. The doctor's movements sent the pain shooting rapidly through me, but I kept still. I didn't want to worry Edward and I really didn't want anything the doctor was doing to be worsened by some sudden movement from me. It had barely been two minutes before the doctor retracted all instruments, covered me back up, and stood quickly. He walked to the door and opened it a crack.

"Nurse!" The doctor called through the crack in the door. He whispered something to the nurse and then turned to face me. I grabbed Edward's hand tightly while I stared up at him. He was staring at the doctor, his face even more tense with worry. "Okay, Ms. Swan we need to get you into surgery."

"What about the baby?" I asked desperately hoping beyond hope that he wasn't going to tell me what I knew he was going to tell me. The doctor stood silent for a moment, so I turned to Edward who was looking at me through watery eyes. "Edward? What's going to happen to the baby? To _our_ baby?"

"Bella," Edward said softly shaking his head. The look on his face spoke for him. He looked so drawn, so defeated.

"Ms. Swan, the baby didn't have a chance of surviving when it implanted itself in the tube," the doctor said calmly, trying to use a gentle voice. I looked back at him, away from Edward. "We have to get you to surgery now. The baby won't make it, but if we don't take it out, it can cause you serious damage and put your own life at risk. We can't wait too much longer."

I felt my bottom lip quiver as tears streamed down my face silently. I didn't want a kid right now, but the idea of it wasn't so bad anymore. I was actually looking forward to it. The doctor said more, I didn't hear it or really notice the people running around in the room. I barely felt as someone helped me out of my shirt and put me in a paper gown.

"Bella, look at me." I heard Edwards voice amongst the chaos, but it seemed distant. I felt his hands holding my face as I looked up into his eyes. "Bella, I love you. I know this is horrible, but you are what's important right now." I nodded absently as he kissed my lips. I wasn't sure if I kissed him back.

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I opened my eyes gingerly, only to close them again, shielding them from the bright lights shining from above. I didn't need to look again to know what kind of lights they were or where I was. I have woken up in a hospital many times in the past. Enough to know where I was. I went to turn onto my side and groaned at the pain it caused.

"Bella." I felt Edward's strong hands cup my cheek lightly as I rolled back over, off of my side. With a flash, the reason for this particular visit to the hospital came rushing back into my brain. "How are you feeling?"

I contorted my face trying to explain without having to actually use any words. Edward nodded and smiled down at me. It didn't reach his eyes. It was a sad smile, really. I understood.

"Edward, I thought they were just going to stick a scope thingy in me and do surgery that way," I said, as I gingerly touched a few stitches on my stomach.

"They had to do more," he said with a sigh. "You scared the hell out of me, Bella."

"Yeah, sorry about that," I said, trying to sound unmoved by what was lost in the surgery.

I know I hadn't known I was pregnant very long, and the baby probably didn't even resemble a human so much as an alien yet, but the thought of losing a child that Edward helped me create broke my heart. I swallowed back the lump in my throat, but from the way Edward looked into my eyes, with his big green orbs staring painfully back, I knew he could see right through me.

"Ms. Swan. I'm glad to see you are awake," the doctor said, causing Edward and me to jump slightly. The doctor didn't notice as he stared down at his charts. "Has Edward filled you in on the extent of the damage?"

"The damage? What damage?" I looked at a forlorn-looking Edward, then back at the doctor. "He didn't tell me anything. I just woke up. He hasn't really had time to."

"Okay. We had to actually do a larger incision then we originally talked about."

"I noticed."

The doctor nodded, but didn't smile. "The baby was larger than we originally expected. It grew too large for your fallopian tube to accommodate, and ruptured the tube." I breathed out heavily, like the air just got knocked out of me. "You had serious internal bleeding, Ms. Swan, and the tube sustained a lot of damage. We had to remove it completely. You're lucky you came in when you did."

"Wait," I said holding up a hand. I couldn't quite grasp what was being said. "What you're saying is that, not only did I lose the baby, but I also lost one of my fallopian tubes. Is that what you're telling me?"

The doctor nodded, looking grim. "Yes. That is exactly what I am telling you. I didn't think you could possibly be suffering from a ruptured tube. You handle pain extraordinarily well, too well." He paused and raised his eyebrows at me. "Most women that have a tube rupture can barely speak, move, or do anything for that matter. You have been handling it as though it was merely a back ache and nausea for a little over a day and a half. It put you in a good deal of danger."

"I get hurt a lot. Physical pain doesn't bug me that much," I said quickly, waving off his lecture. "What about this tube removal, though? Can I still have kids in the future? Am I going to have to worry about this happening again? Just tell me everything I might need to know."

"You will be able to have kids again, but it will be a little more difficult. You won't ovulate as much, since you are down to one fallopian tube, so you will actually have to try next time. It shouldn't happen again since we removed the tube that had the issue, but that's not to say it won't. You know the symptoms now, so you can come in at the first signs of an ectopic pregnancy."

I nodded quietly and sunk back into the uncomfortable hospital bed. The doctor was speaking, but I think he was speaking more to Edward then to me. I wasn't really making an attempt to listen, nor was I trying to pretend I was. My mind was elsewhere. Not only had I lost the baby, but also made my chance for another one all the more difficult. I felt the pooling in my eyes and the tears starting streaking down my face slowly. I couldn't blink them back. I felt the little bed move slightly, as Edward laid down softly beside me, resting his hand gently across me. He wiped some of the tears away from my cheeks, kissed me once, then laid there holding me. At least I still had Edward.

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**(A.N. Well, let me know. Sorry! I know it was kind of a downer, but babies scare me. It would be very, very hard to write about one. Well, actually, pregnancy scares me. Either way, she isn't having a baby now. Congrats to those who guessed correctly! Review people.) **


	7. Save the Population

**(A.N. Sorry about the wait. As those of you who read New American Classic you may remember that I am now taking more classes. Schools started up again full force and my time is being dwindled. Thanks for the patience. I hope you enjoy, but be aware that Bella is going to be sad about things. I am not making this a depression story! I promise! Stick with me and enjoy! Remember to REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters.**

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I was ordered a few days of bed rest, and at least a week off of work. I took it. The more time that elapsed, the more the crushing weight of what was lost weighed me down. I melted slowly into a depressed, comatose state, while Edward tried desperately to pull me out. He was dealing with his own demons from this, though. I could see it in his eyes every time I stared into them.

I asked not to see anyone for a day or two. Maybe three. I lost track. I needed to pull myself together, get out of this funk before I went out to greet the world. Alice tried pushing her way through the door, but Edward put his foot down. I didn't want to depress her anymore than she had already depressed herself. She found out about the incident the next day when she called to ask what the results for the test were. I didn't speak to her, but from the way Edward's voice quieted into a softer, comforting voice, I knew she was not only worried sick about me, but saddened by my loss.

Alice and I have always been like that with each other. When her grandma died in our junior year of high school, she fell into a heavy melancholy for a few weeks. It killed me not only to see someone I knew and had grown to love and respect die, but also, almost more so, to see Alice so torn apart. Our moods tend to affect each other pretty severely. That's why I needed to compose myself before I saw her. She was planning her dream wedding; I certainly wasn't going to be the one to break her down in the midst of all her excitement.

Speaking of which, I have to pull myself together enough to go dress shopping with Alice and Rose tomorrow. Alice tried to cancel, or postpone, but I wouldn't hear it. I pulled my butt out of bed today and started venturing about. My jeans fit a little looser, but that was to be expected. I hadn't been eating nearly as much as I should have been. Edward noticed, something I could tell by the way he so persistently shoved food down my throat. He has taken care of me the entire time, and only now has it dawned on me that he hasn't been given time to take care of himself.

I know he is saddened, heartbroken, by losing the baby, no matter how short lived our excitement for it was. I can see it whenever he is around me. His eyes have lost some light, not shining happily at the smallest of things, his smiles less bright, his face more sunken in. This hit him hard, maybe as hard as me, though he would never admit to it. I have been selfish trying to heal my own wounds, not considering Edward might need help healing his. I will rectify that.

Today though, he just seemed happy to see me getting up and dressed, walking around and conversing. He kept a smile on his face most of the day, just content to see me up and about, but every now and again when he would get a chance to stop to think, his smile would falter. He would think about it, and I couldn't blame him. I thought about it any time I spared myself a moment, though, unlike me, he wouldn't ever let that terrible feeling of loss pull him under.

"Bella! How are you feeling?!" Alice, always one to worry, asked right as she walked in with Rose trailing behind her with a kind, remorseful smile.

"Fine. Promise." I smiled back. It was a real smile, but I must have lost a little light from it, just as Edward had, because she didn't look completely convinced, but she didn't push. She just nodded and smiled. "Aren't you excited that you get to take me out and dress me up? It won't even be forced today!"

"Yes, well it will be a very nice day for me, but if you don't want to go, I completely understand."

"Alice!" I patted her on the shoulder as I walked by her to grab my purse. "I am going and there is nothing you can do about it. I am going to have to look nice for your wedding."

"Well, if you insist!" she chirped with a smile. "Well, then scoot Miss. Swan. I am ready to shop 'till I drop! You two will have your bridesmaid dresses before the day is out, and I may even have my wedding dress!"

"Goody," I said with a cocked eyebrow. As long as Rose and Alice stayed away from the pity party mode they arrived in, I would be fine. The knowing sympathy looks and the drawn out 'how are you' in the soft voice would end up getting on my nerves.

Alice walked over to Edward and surprised him by wrapping him in a tight hug. He awkwardly wrapped his arm back around her and patted her back twice. He had a small, amused smile on his face, but he also looked thankful for the embrace. Alice and Edward's relationship was similar if not identical to a sibling relationship, minus the blood relation. They bicker like brother and sister, and are fiercely protective of one another like siblings should be.

I felt an arm around my shoulder and looked up to see Rosalie standing next to me, smiling sweetly at the Alice and Edward interaction then down at me.

"You ready for the torture?"

"Is anyone ever ready for the things Alice subjects them to?" I countered.

"I suppose not." Rose replied back, then pushed me towards Edward. "Go say goodbye to your honey so we can scoot."

She shoved me forward slightly into Edward's direction where Alice was just finishing up her hug. I smiled warmly at the exchange, before I made my way over to Edward and wrapped my own arms around him. He returned the gesture, squeezing me tightly. He kissed the top of my head. I felt the heat of his breath through my hair on the top of my head as he whispered that he loved me. It made the memory of the recent events flood back into my mind, the thought that I may not ever be able to have a child with Edward. I knocked away any tears threatening to spill over and swallowed back the lump that formed in my throat. I had to get out of here quickly or the flood gates would surely open.

The girls spoke animatedly throughout the whole car ride, while I sat quietly in the back, speaking when spoken to. I wasn't trying to be antisocial; it just seemed to be safer if I didn't get into an extensive conversation right now.

We arrived at a wedding boutique soon after takeoff, and were greeted by a very monotone, yet cheerful woman. The contrast between her words, and excitement, and her never changing tone made my head spin. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing when Rose turned around and did her own impression of the woman while Alice told the lady what we were looking for.

I was completely out of my element in a place like this. Fashion was not something I knew anything about, nor was it something I cared too much about. Dresses in general were completely beyond me. I was more than willing to let Alice have full say in what I wore for her wedding, because quite honestly, I have no clue how I am supposed to dress.

Alice started right away riffling through racks, dragging me along behind her, and throwing dresses she wanted me to try on into my arms as she went. We had this method down to a system. When my arms finally became full to the extent that it was tiring to hold everything, I made a break for the dressing room.

Most of the dresses were actually really nice. Very tasteful, while still sexy. All in different shades of light blue.

"Bella!" I jumped high in the air when Alice banged on the dressing room door impatiently. "Bella, let me see!"

"Let me get myself in the damn thing at least," I grumbled, as I adjusted the top of the dress and made sure nothing was peaking out. "I don't want to give you a free show."

"I have the same parts as you, Bella dear. I have seen it all before, anyways."

"That doesn't mean I want you to see it now," I griped as I took a deep breath and opened the door. "What do you think?"

I stood in front of Alice as she inspected the dress, cocking her head to the side and tapping her fingers against her bottom lip. "It's cute, but not right. Next!" With that she pushed me back into the dressing room so we could go through the same process over and over again.

It wasn't until about the fifteenth dress that Alice started screeching her seal of approval. I liked it too. It was a tube top, snug fit, and it showed off my figure enough to be sexy, but concealed enough to be classy. It had a little wrap around sash to tie it together. The fabric held more of a messy look than other dresses I tried on. The top cinched in a way that made my breasts look slightly larger.

I smiled approvingly at Alice, happy that we agreed on the dress. It may be her wedding, but I have to wear the damn thing. I was sure I was going to be stuck in something too snug, and wildly uncomfortable. Alice noticed the smile and her smile grew even larger, apparently as surprised by our common admiration of the dress as I was.

Alice turned her head to look at the next stall over that housed Rosalie as she tried on bridesmaid dresses. Of course everything looked good on her, regardless of how snug or uncomfortable the thing was she would probably pull it off with not only grace and poise, but also make whatever it is look like an extravagantly pieced together work of fabric art.

"That's the one!" Alice breathed out happily. "Rose it's perfect for you!"

"I like it too," I chimed in quietly with a small smile. I seldom actually threw my opinion into the mix when it came to fashion, at least I didn't around Alice, but this dress was too obviously meant for Rose.

It was a light blue color, like mine, but slightly shinier. The fabric had more of a smooth, sleek look that outlined her perfect curves wonderfully, and the fabric ruffled slightly at the bottom to give it more of a modern look. It was much snugger than mine, and didn't have any extenuating ruffles to give the illusion that things were larger, because, quite frankly, Rose didn't need that.

Rose smiled at me and then at Alice and did a little spin while we clapped. She bowed gracefully soon after, then we were both ordered to get changed back into our normal clothes so that we could get shoes.

When I came out of the dressing room the girls had already taken the dresses, mine included, and went to the register. Alice insisted that she pay for the wedding apparel. I slowly walked up to the register where Alice and Rose were leaning close together whispering and stopped abruptly as soon as I walked up. I didn't want to know what they were talking about, mostly because I already knew. They have been so careful the whole day as to not say anything that might remind me or bring up what Edward and I had lost, but I could see them thinking about it at times. They would stare at me with sad eyes, only to catch themselves and give me a cheesy smile.

The shoe store we went to specialized in death traps. Every shoe in the story had a heel that was super thin, super high, and super dangerous. I was a goner. I sat down on the nearest bench and waited. If I helped Alice pick out my shoes, it would only lead to an argument. I would head straight for the flats, that is, if this store had a section that contained any kind of shoe that wasn't a sprained ankle waiting to happen. Let's just say Alice would not allow something like that to happen. There was no way I would be permitted flats at Alice's wedding. She would just as soon buy her wedding dress from Sears than let me have say in how high my shoes were.

After about twenty minutes of waiting for them to stockpile shoes, I decided I needed to use the ladies room if not to empty my bladder than to just get a minute away. I went to tell them, then was off. Shopping wasn't so bad today, Alice was being reasonably gentle, but I had a lot of time on my hands which allowed my mind to wander more then I had anticipated. It was in no way Alice or Rose's fault, but I had a feeling they didn't hassle me for help as a way to be nice out of respect. I wish they would stop. It was actually counterproductive to their goal and my own.

I splashed my face with some water from the faucet in the bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror. You could see clearly the toll the whole incident was taking on me from my eyes alone. The dark circles around my eyes, slightly sunken in were embarrassingly noticeable. I looked haggard. It was almost embarrassing, but in the end, I didn't really care.

I sat down on the little couch they had set up in the restroom. It was times like these that I was glad I was a woman. Never had I seen or heard of seating in the men's room. Though I doubt I would want to sit there and watch as other men urinated. It made sense when you really thought about it. I rolled my eyes when I realized what I was thinking about, but had to smile at it. It was nice to get my mind off of the ever present loss that has been weighing me down lately.

I glanced at my cell phone wondering how much longer the shopping trip would last. I wasn't super anxious for it to end, more that I wanted to get home and see Edward. I hadn't realized how much comfort I derived from him lately. He was there for me through it all, and it has helped me much more than he could ever imagine. It was his turn to be coddled, though. He deserved to have a shoulder to lean on, and I wanted so badly to be the person he got his comfort from.

I finally made my way back to the shoe store after debating how long I could stay in the bathroom before the girls would come looking for me. I didn't want to make them go out of their way to find me though. They have been amazing today, very gentle with the shopping and really have lifted my spirits a lot. I walked up to a now sitting Alice and Rose, hearing only a snippet of what they were saying.

"I'm only a few weeks along." Rose whispered to Alice, neither noticing me yet. Her hand was rested gingerly on her stomach while Alice looked like she was bouncing out of her seat. "I didn't want to say anything…"

She cut off quickly and stood when she noticed me. She plastered on a smile, probably wondering if I had heard their conversation. I smiled my best smile at her, only to feel a small tear escape my eye.

"Bella," I looked down quickly and wiped the stray tear away. There was no way I was going to make Rose feel bad for this. She deserved to be happy, and shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around me. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"Why are you sorry?!" I asked angrily. "This is a happy moment, be thankful. I'm happy for you. Now give me a hug, damn it!"

She rushed over then, wrapping her arms around me carefully, but still it seemed like she was trying to shield me. People were looking and uncomfortable with our display, though I think I did see two little boys smiling grossly at our exchange. I wanted to stick my tongue out at them, but Alice glared at them before I worked up the effort.

"I wanted to wait to tell you until. . ."

"Until I had time to cope with my loss?" I asked sadly, pulling away from her. "Rose, don't let my problems lessen how exciting this is. It is exciting. You should be able to tell anyone and everyone."

"Thank you, Bella," she said with a sad, but real smile. "I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you properly."

"Well, then tell me properly," I said waving my hand through the air, trying to add emphasis. I was trying really hard to look happy for her. I was happy for her, but it wasn't showing through as clearly as I wanted it to. Alice's face told me that my pain was overpowering my joy. Alice walked up next to me and put her arm around my waist, giving me a small, side hug. With all the hugs I was getting, you would think I was the one with big news. I took a deep breath and smiled. It wasn't a fake smile either. It was as real as could be, but the tears streaming down my face wouldn't stop. I just went with it, because really, some of them had to be happy tears. "Well. Go ahead. I want to hear this first hand."

She smiled at me, almost like she was asking if I was sure. I nodded softly and looked at the beautiful woman in front of me, bracing myself for what she was going to tell me. Sure I was glad for her, and I meant every word I said. She should be ecstatic about this. She should be jumping up and down yelling it to the world, or at the very least be able to tell her friends and family without having to worry about a mental breakdown. That didn't mean it wouldn't hurt like hell for me to hear it, but I'll be damned if I let that show in front of Rose. She deserved this.

I steeled myself for what I was about to hear, straightening my back, and looking as confident and happy as possible. I was happy for her, and if it hurt me to hear her news, so be it. She deserved this just as much as anyone, and was lucky enough to have it happen. She needed to appreciate this, otherwise instead of being hurt by my own loss, I would be angry at her for not truly cherishing the fact that she was healthy without any problems so far.

She smiled at me. Her sad smile transformed into an exuberant, excited, truly happy smile. Her hand drifted to her stomach as a slight blush tinged her cheeks. She was glowing.

"I'm pregnant."

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**(A.N. Tell me what you think! REVIEW!)**


	8. Breaking The Girl

**(A.N. Chapter done! YAY! Be happy. Next chapter is well on it's way to completion and I also have pictures of the girls brides maid dresses on my profile. I meant to post them last chapter but completely forgot. Anyways, after this chapter it should be getting a little happier. So the sad part of this story is going to be over soon, not the story as a whole, just the sad part of it. At least for now. Enjoy it while it lasts. Also, I went and revamped the good ole' profile and updated the playlist tracks. So go look, and/or listen. Thanks for the reviews! They of course are always amazing! Thanks to my WONDERFUL, FANTABULOUS, PERFECT BETA! The stars shine because she exists! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters!**

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Rose had already found her shoes for the wedding before I got back from the restroom, and though I was being pressured to leave after my little breakdown, I stood my ground and made Alice and Rose both help me find my shoes.

It didn't take long, and I came out with a pair of deathtraps that I would most likely fall in, but they would look damn good whether I'm standing or sprawled on the floor.

I was quiet, despite my best efforts to talk. I spoke back, but never was able to find any answers to questions or comments directed towards me that could carry any conversation further. I did try, but my voice just seemed to elude me.

The ride home wasn't much different. Sitting in the back normally left me out of most conversations unless I really made an effort to be involved. It's why I always sat in back. If I wanted to be a part of the conversations I would just sit in the middle of the back seat and lean towards the girls. I sat by the window today.

My heart ached and it made my throat close up. I didn't want to make them feel worse for me by crying. It wouldn't help anything and I didn't want a pity party. I was just happy about getting home to Edward, even though that meant I was going to hear the news again when we got there.

Of course they had to tell Edward. I said I would keep it a secret, but thankfully they decided that I shouldn't have to hide it from Edward. They recognized that Edward was my shoulder to cry on, the person I really confided in. I was glad they understood that having him know would make my situation slightly easier and even happier that I didn't have to explain it. The great part about it was that Emmett was going to tell him over the phone, so I wouldn't have to hear the actual oration.

Emmett wanted to be the one to tell Edward that he was going to be an uncle. Emmett, the big softy, made Rose hand the phone to me when she first called to tell him that I found out.

"How you doin', Bells?" He sounded like he was being careful with me. Walking on eggshells, making sure I didn't crack.

"I'm a trooper, Emmett. You know that," I said jokingly, trying to make it easier for him to talk to me. I hated making people uncomfortable, especially through my own wallowing. I was trying desperately not to wallow.

"That you are. You keepin' my brother together? He needs you just like you need him right now." It was nice having that older brother feel with Emmett. He was a good older brother.

"I'm trying, but I don't think I'm doing too great at it right now," I admitted, with a heavy sigh. I was ashamed at the fact that I was being so little help to Edward's distress, and telling Emmett that I wasn't taking care of his brother like I should be, made me feel horrible. Emmett was one of those people who you never wanted to disappoint, and though I knew he would understand, I couldn't help but feel ashamed. What a completely insensitive jerk I was for not paying more attention to Edward's pain. "I'm working on it though. Promise."

"Well, I love yah, Bells. You and Edward both. You should call us more often. I am really good at cheering people up, and even better at bringing much needed beer over."

That made me laugh. _He __was _good at cheering people up. Of course he was, but I didn't want to bring him down with me. Sure this façade was easier to keep up over the phone, but in person he would know I was putting on an act. Emmett was big, strong, protective, and a total softy. I'm sure when Edward told him what happened he got choked up, though neither Edward or Emmett would admit to that. But I knew Emmett, and just like Alice, he took other people's pain and shouldered it himself. I couldn't do that to the big goofball.

"Hey! Quit worrying about me! You almost made me forget!" I practically yelled. "Congratulations! You must be excited to have a play buddy cooking up for you in Rose's belly." Rose scoffed at the notion, but Emmett bellowed out a laugh.

"You have no idea." I could almost hear the smile on his face. "It'll be weird though. I kind of can't picture myself as a dad."

"You will be a great dad and Rose will be a great mom." I couldn't have been more honest. They would be. I could just picture the beautiful family portraits with a baby that was a perfect mixture of Rose and Emmett. The thing had gotten extremely lucky to be coming into not only such a loving family, but it also hit the jackpot when it came to its parents, looks-wise. No baby could ever have two more gorgeous people as parents. "No one deserves it more than you guys."

After that we said our goodbyes, and to tell the truth I felt a little better. Emmett has this way of putting a smile on your face. But still I stayed quiet. Rose was going to call Emmett when we got up to the house so he could tell Edward. I was worried about Edward's reaction. Not so much the reaction he would let everyone see, more the inner battle I knew he would put himself through.

Of course Edward would put on a good show: smile happily, congratulate everyone, and pass around the hugs, but after they left, I didn't know what to expect.

"Honey, we're home!" Alice cried out, as she walked into the door. She marched straight to the kitchen giving Edward a high-five as she passed him and set my new shoes on the counter. "Wait 'till you see Bella in that dress we got for her. She looks smokin'! And her new shoes make her legs, well, just be prepared Edward. I doubt you will be able to keep your grimy hands off of her."

"My hands are far from grimy," he defended, as he walked into the kitchen.

"Yet you don't object that you won't be able to keep your hands off of her," Alice chirped, happy to have gotten a step up on him. "Who knew Edward was such a fiend?"

"I never said I could easily keep my hands off Bella," Edward quipped, as he gave Rose a small hug and kiss on the cheek while she did the same while talking on the phone with Emmett. Edward yelled out a greeting to his brother over the phone. Edward was a good brother-in-law to Rose. The whole Cullen family dynamic was so sweet it was almost sickening. I loved it. Edward made his way over to me finally.

He pulled me to him kissing my forehead, and wrapping his arms around my shoulders in a hug. It felt nice, and warm. I felt safe. He protected me from everything, and in his arms I felt like I could overcome anything. I hoped I could do that for him. I wanted so badly to help shield him from pain as he did for me. He deserved it, and though he would never admit it, he needed it.

"Did you have a nice time?" he asked quietly into my ear. I nodded, and smothered my face deeper into the crook of his neck, relishing the comfort that I had missed the whole day.

"Edward, Emmett wants to talk to you," Rose said, holding out her phone to him. Edward pulled away from me, giving me one last kiss on the forehead before he took the phone with a smile, and pressed it to his ear.

"I do own a phone you know?" he joked, smiling. Soon his face creased, looking worried. Rose stared at me, then at Edward while Alice watched from afar, her legs pulled up against her body, perched up high on the counter as she snacked on something. She made a solemn vow in the car not to interfere even slightly. For Alice that was huge, and she was doing well so far. "Well just spit it out, Emmett. You're scaring me." Suddenly Edward's eyes went wide as he stared up at Rose in surprise, his eyes moving from her face to her hand resting softly on her stomach and a smile broke across Edward's face. "Daddy Emmett! Congratulations! I'm going to be an uncle!"

He waved Rose over to him and hugged her tightly, smiling the whole time. He was much better at this than I was. His smiled was so genuine, and he seemed truly excited for them. Rose's smile looked relived and a small giggle escaped her lips as Edward hoisted her up into an exuberant, congratulatory hug.

He looked over at me then, and for the briefest moment his smile faltered slightly, barely enough to notice, but I smiled back. He seemed surprised by it, but I doubt either Alice or Rose noticed the tiny hint of his feelings. His smile when he looked back at them was flawless, but I knew that something boiled under the surface that he would refuse to share. I readied myself for what was soon to come.

----

I was in the kitchen making myself a salad when Edward came in. He walked by me straight to the fridge and pulled out two waters, setting one in front of me. I pulled down an extra bowl and filled it with some lettuce before chopping up some more tomatoes, avocado and other things to top it with. We didn't speak, and we hadn't really since Edward found out about Rose and Emmett's news. It scared me to death to try to broach the topic on what he was thinking.

Still Edward sat there silently, as he watched me while I dished up our food. He looked like he wasn't really watching me making the food though, even if he was staring straight at it. His eyes had a far-off look to them, like he was thinking about something completely different. He had been doing that a lot for the past week.

Apparently he was an incredibly good actor. Better than I thought. The performance he put on for Rose and Emmett a week ago as compared to now showed me just how well he played it off. I was hopeful that the news hadn't hit him as hard as it hit me, but apparently it hit him harder.

I set his food in front of him with the salad dressing to the side while I took my seat next to him. Usually I sat across from him so I could see him and talk to him. I didn't think I wanted to watch him not talk to me though.

He was beautiful as always, but flawed with his face drawn in a constant mask of sadness. His eyes creasing, making him look older than he was, his face just slightly paler than usual. Nothing most would notice, but to me the small changes were entirely obvious. I wonder if this is what I looked like now. Either way it hurt too bad to watch him slowly disintegrate into depression and no matter what I did, he wouldn't broach the topic we both so needed to discuss, or any other topic really.

I put my hand on his, still resting on the counter of the breakfast bar, giving it a small squeeze. I wanted him to look at me just once, to see me instead of his thoughts. I got a small glimpse for maybe a half second with an unconvincing smile before he slid his hand out from under mine and started eating. I nodded a small nod in recognition and prepared myself for what I knew was coming.

I had been thinking about it nonstop since I lost the baby. Since I lost the little thing growing inside of me that misplaced itself in my body and thereby sealed its horrible fate. I thought about what else I lost. The chances of me conceiving ever again where much slimmer now, not impossible, but still so much smaller than the average person.

I knew that Edward might decide I wasn't right for him. What kind of guy wants a girl who can't even produce a child for him? We were both so young, it was expected that someday we might have kids, but now that our chances were so small, he probably was having second thoughts. He was watching as his brother's life unfolded into what he planned, and now it might not happen for him. I understood, and I didn't blame him. I was damaged goods now.

My appetite was gone, and as I stared blankly at my food I felt the silent tears streak down my face. Edward still didn't notice, too consumed in his thoughts, his pain. He deserved to deal with this, his pain and not have to look over me in a constant state of selfish sadness. I kept myself quiet, not moving in my place. I sniffled once, unable to stop myself, signaling to Edward that I was upset.

"Bella . . . ," he said, when he noticed me. I wished he hadn't. His voiced was etched with worry for me, and immeasurable sadness. I didn't want to hear him sounding so distraught. It scared me to see him like this. He reached his hand out, resting it gently on my cheek, his thumb swiping away a fresh tear. I leaned into his touch. "Please talk to me, love?"

"I'm sorry," I said, wiping my tears away. "Don't worry about me."

"Why are you sorry?" he asked as he angled my face so I was looking at him.

He was actually looking at me now, not some distant thought, or some unpleasant memory. Me. My heart soared while at the same time it ripped in two. I saw how wonderful my life had been since I met Edward, then I saw the pain it would cause me to lose him. What if this was my last chance to look in his green eyes? What if our time was limited? What if he _wanted _that, maybe he was simply biding his time until he felt it was right to end it? What if he didn't want me?

It would be as justified as it would be heart wrenching. I was so engrossed in his life, his family. They all have become a part of my life in such a permanent way, but I knew that losing Edward would mean losing them too. They wouldn't enforce that of course, they were much too kind, but I would have to. I would have to separate myself from anything reminding me of Edward. I was already making my contingency plans and my heart was already sore from the effort.

"Bella, why in the world are you sorry?" Edward asked again, this time a bit of anger rang in his voice.

"Edward, please just eat. I'm just thinking, I said, swiping the tears from under my eyes. "Please don't worry. I'm sorry I bothered you."

"Isabella Swan, you better never apologize to me for that again. You never bother me," he said sternly, grabbing my face and looking me straight in the eyes. His brows were furrowed, his lips tight.

"Please," I whispered, averting my eyes from his penetrating gaze. "You need to eat."

"Promise we will talk about this later," he said sternly. He got so bossy when he was worried. I smiled and nodded my answer, not quite trusting my voice to carry my words.

"I'm not really that hungry," I sighed after clearing my throat of its lump. "I think I'm going to go lay down for a bit."

I got up quickly, wrapped my bowl in saran wrap, and walked out of the room, leaving a confused Edward before he got a chance to argue. It wasn't fair to do to him, but I didn't want him to see me cry. I couldn't stand it if I had to actually hear him say that he didn't want me. It was clear enough. It would hurt him to have to hurt me like that. I didn't want to be the reason he hurt more than he already did.

----

I laid in bed alone for awhile. Edward gave me my space, and it was better that way. He brought me water at some point, kissed me on the forehead, and whispered he loved me, but watching him leave the room just made the impending doom sink more heavily down on my shoulders.

He let me be alone for most of the night, and I could hear the slightest hint of piano playing through the house. He was in his therapy right now. His piano was his form of help in our situation. I could tell the door was shut as he played. I couldn't make a distinction from one piece to the next. I wished that he could come to me for comfort instead of his piano.

My eyes opened and I looked around the room confused. I had fallen asleep. I laid diagonally across the bed, fully clothed. My eyes felt puffy and heavy from crying, and my throat was so stopped up, I doubted my ability to speak.

I sat up, taking a sip of the water Edward had brought me. It was hard to swallow at first, my throat was so muddled from both sleeping and crying and it was stale from sitting stagnant for so long. Waking had brought me from a dream of what might happen, how it might go, when he decided it was time to end it. I was relieved to wake from it.

I sighed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, while I dangled my feet over the side of the bed. I could still hear the distinct hum of music coming from down the hall. Edward was still in there playing his piano. I glanced at the clock, seeing it was three-thirty in the morning and let out a sigh.

I got up carefully, checking my balance before I took another step. I didn't want to disturb Edward while he played, and he had incredible hearing whenever I fell. He heard even the softest thud and came running. He didn't need to take care of me right now. I would have to be careful.

I splashed my face with water in the bathroom but didn't bother to look at myself in the mirror. I had no interest in seeing the pathetic person residing there. Instead I dried my face quickly before tip toeing down the hall to the door that was left ajar.

Music flowed from the room seeping into the hallway as I pushed the door open as silently as possible. I leaned against the door frame for a few seconds happy I hadn't disturbed him and I watched as his head leaned over the keys, and his fingers passed nimbly over the ivory. The music mingled comfortingly through the air, then swiftly changed into my lullaby and he turned his head only slightly in my direction. He knew I was there.

Edward would play me my lullaby whenever I felt down. It always helped, always made me feel better. When I came home from a bad day at work, when I had a spat with Alice, or when I was just having a rotten day in general he would kiss me and tell me that tomorrow would better. Then he would sit at his piano and play for me, lulling me into contentment. But I didn't know if it would work this time.

My heart was torn in two, and though I have been trying desperately to push it away, hide the pain from everyone, I hadn't fooled Edward. I knew I wouldn't. He knew me too well. He had felt my shoulders shake as I cried silently at night, felt the moisture streaming down my cheeks. He witnessed all my weakest moments and not judged me once.

The song twisted through the room, hitting me full force. I had to really focus on staying upright. It was hard to think that I wasn't the only one in so much pain. I could deal with my own pain, but I couldn't deal with Edward being in pain, especially when I knew he was shoving that pain aside every chance he got to comfort me.

Even now, when he spent the night playing in order to calm his own sadness, as soon as I appear he takes his attention away from himself and turns it to me. It wasn't fair, and I didn't want him to do it. As comforted as I was every time he helped, and safe as I felt, I wanted him better. I wanted him to understand what it felt like to be comforted.

He deviated from my lullaby a bit, changing it in certain parts. It took me a few moments to realize what he was doing.

Throughout our relationship if we heard songs that reminded us of each other, that invoked our feelings for one another, we would make sure to get the name of that song. It had become a hobby and we had a list of 'our songs' compiled, all of which showed in one way or another how we felt for each other. Right now he was weaving those songs through my lullaby. I had to choke back a sob and tears flooded my eyes.

I didn't wait for his fingers to leave the keys after he hit the last note of my song and I thought I saw a single tear glisten down his cheek. I pushed away from the wall and walked calmly over to him.

I stood in front of him staring down into his eyes while he still sat on the piano bench. They were such a deep green, so alive, filled with emotions, some of which I hadn't felt the intensity of until just this moment. My heart flooded and my knees felt weak. It was almost too much to take in.

Edward drew his hands up, never taking his eyes from mine, and placed them on my hips. Looking away for the first time he lowered his head, kissing my stomach where there should have been a baby growing. Where _our _baby should have been growing.

It was too much. A small sob escaped my lips as I lifted his head and crashed his lips to mine with a kind of intensity I had never experienced. This whole ordeal over these last few weeks, the emotional toll it has taken out of both of us, threatening to rip us apart, in the end bonded us even stronger.

He stood from his spot, knocking the piano bench back a few inches as he lifted me and sat me on the keys of the piano, making them clang down in an uproar.

Edward held my face firmly in one of his hands while the other wrapped around me, pulling me even closer to him. Our kiss wasn't soft, but hauntingly intense, strangely rough, and so filled with need it made my heart clench.

It was a mixture of the pain we had shared, the intense love we felt, and the undeniable need we couldn't ignore. It was everything we shared that made our relationship so strong, made it so obvious to us, so undeniable, that we would be together until our final breaths and nothing could tear us apart. I felt like an idiot for having thought we could be torn apart. I was such an utter fool for entertaining such complete idiocy.

With that one kiss, we passed through each other everything we had been feeling these past weeks, everything we felt for each other, and everything we hoped for our future. That kiss was a story of our lives together.

When he pulled back staring intensely in my eyes, breathing hard, the world fell away, leaving only the two of us. There were no words that could describe this feeling. Nothing could possibly explain the kind of feeling that was now consuming us. But it was there, written in his eyes, clear as day. Love barely touched the surface of this feeling.

No words, but so perfectly and overwhelmingly clear.

* * *

**(A.N. So, I have some of the songs he incorporated into the lullaby on the playlist on my profile. I made my boyfriend stay up with me into the wee hours of early morning getting everything revamped. REVIEW!!!! It makes me write faster!!!!)**


	9. Hump De Bump

**(A.N. OKAY! New chapter! There will be new pictures on the profile for this chapter(See bottom authors note) and of course two new songs on the play-list. My wonderful fantastic BETA is having computer issues still, but my boyfriend, and I went over the chapter numerous times so I hope it isn't too strewn with errors. When the best BETA EVER gets her computer up and running again I will have her look over everything and I will then repost it. I am trying to reply to all of my reviews, but I am lacking in time, so I apologize and thank everyone who reviewed, and continues to review for doing so. I really appreciate so please don't think otherwise if I don't get around to replying to your reviews! Also I was thinking about going through my _'Coffee Makes The Heart Grow Fonder' _and sprucing up a few of the chapters that I am just not all that impressed with. Tell me your opinion about that! Until then I hope you enjoy! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!)**

**DISCLAIMER: Not my characters!  
**

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"BELLA!!!"

I jolted awake. I looked around, confused only to see Edward's piano to one side of me, and Edward groaning to the other with my computer desk behind him. We were wrapped in the blanket I had carried in here last night when I had tried to sneak in to watch Edward play, only to be caught and have Edward play me an array of 'our songs' woven through my lullaby. I smiled at the memory. The part that really caught my attention though, was that at this very moment we were both completely naked.

It had been a very good night.

I squinted my eyes, trying to filter out the blinding light while I listened to feet stomping down the hallway. Alice. She was on her way to my room probably in an attempt to extract me from the bed I wasn't currently in. In the far reaches of my mind I picked up on the fact that I should probably be getting up, and dressed so Alice wouldn't find Edward and I in a compromising situation, but I couldn't bring myself to get up or even care.

"Where the hell are you Bella?" I heard Alice stomping back down the hall, and jumped at the sound of the slamming bedroom door when she found the room empty.

"Did you give her a key?" Edward asked in a groggy voice. He rolled onto his back, his bare chest entirely exposed while he tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. The muscles in his arms showed prominently with the action, waking me up enough to answer coherently.

"Guilty." I confessed, before scooting closer and resting myself almost on top of him. After going so long with such a lack of contact between us, I was aching to touch him as much as possible. I hid my face in the crook of his neck and breathed in heavily. I had missed this feeling of love and assurance for so long, I was in no hurry to leave the comfort of his embrace. I sighed, remembering last night and all its fantastic moments. "In my defense I only gave it to her so she could come pick something up from here when neither of us were around. Actually, come to think of it, I did get the key back from her."

"Oh, you dirty little _perverts._" Alice complained from the doorway. Her eyebrows were drawn together and her lips were pinched into a smirk. She looked more amused than anything. She looked over Edward's exposed chest before waggling her eyebrows at me and giving me a thumbs up.

"How did you get a key?" Edward asked, unmoved by her comment and glare or her apparent approval of his physically appealing exposed chest. I felt him kiss my forehead and give me a quick squeeze with the arm he had wrapped around me.

"Bella of course." She said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world until I looked up at her ready to argue. "What!? You did give me the key and I took the liberty of making a copy of it. What if I had an emergency that I needed you desperately for?"

"Then you could knock." Edward sighed out, then signaled to Alice to turn as he started to stand. Alice clamped her hands over her eyes but didn't move from her spot in the door. Edward stood, making sure not to uncover me as he moved.

"But what if you are sleeping or otherwise unavailable. Like now for instance!"

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe in instances such as this we might not want to be interrupted." Edward said pointedly, letting much more innuendo slink into his words than I appreciated. "Maybe if you hadn't showed up I wouldn't be getting dressed right now."

My mouth fell open, and I threw a shoe at him. Alice's mouth formed into a pout, so I tried to disguise my giggles into a cough. I don't think I fooled her. Edward caught the shoe, giving me a wink before tossing me my own clothes. I watched Edward unashamed as he dressed, he caught me, but I didn't mind. It had been too long since I had the opportunity to see him getting dressed after a night like last night. Soon after he walked over to Alice and lifted her up and out of the room before he shut the door to give me privacy.

"Oh, _ew _Edward! I don't know where those hands have been" Alice squeaked out when he picked her up and took her from the room. "Or worse, I do know where those hands have been and I find it quite disturbing."

I heard Edward chuckle and Alice grunt before she complained loudly about the finer points of the proper way to treat a lady and that tossing them over his shoulder was not one of them. I smiled, still disheartened by the sadness that has loomed over this household for the last month, but now felt a new kind of happiness after finding that Edward was not contemplating leaving me.

I came out of the room to find Alice perched on the kitchen counter picking at fruit Edward had chopped while his back was turned as he manned the stove. Alice was chipper as ever, smiling happily as she snuck food behind Edward's back. It was nice to have Edward back into the world of the living, and it was nice to be back myself. Last night seemed to help us both more than I would have ever thought possible.

"She emerges!" Alice declared holding her arms up dramatically.

"Thanks." I said grabbing myself a bottle of water from the fridge. "Now what is the reason for your visit this," I looked at the clock and cringed, "afternoon."

"I found it!" She beamed happily, unperturbed by the late hour of our wake up. Any other day I would have been lectured for at least an hour about waking up at a decent time. "The perfect dress. I bought it, shoes, and jewelry. I am all set to get married, other than a few minor details!"

I looked up in surprise at her while Edward swatted my hand away from the fruit I had seen Alice picking at moments before. "I thought you were gonna bring Rose and me with you to find your dress."

"I was, but I saw it and I couldn't deny that it was perfect. No use dragging you around and hearing you grumble when I had already discovered it."

"You just made my day, Alice." I said with a smile before sneaking one more piece of fruit while Edward wasn't paying attention. I heard him gripe to himself and knew I was caught. The whole house smelled like pancakes and fruit. "Did you bring it here to show me?"

"Of course!" She said, slipping of the counter in one graceful gesture and breaking into a stride towards the living room without so much as a thought. "Come with me and you shall see."

"Oh dear lord, she's rhyming." I said as I turned and watched Alice retreat out of the kitchen. I felt a small tap on my bum and turned to see a smirking Edward licking batter from his thumb before he winked at me. "You better not have gotten batter on my toosh."

"I came here straight after I finished my shopping to show you. Of course I was hoping for a better reception, but I suppose after what had to have been a fun and probably much needed night, I maybe should have called first."

"We didn't have a phone near us anyways." I said waving off her weird form of apology. "Now lets see it."

Alice set up a garment bag across the couch before laying a box of shoes under it so I could get the full affect. She unzipped the bag and took the lid from the shoes, then popped open a long jewelry box and brought out a hat box.

The dress was gorgeous. Tiered with detail weaving elegantly under the bodice in small twirls. It was short, probably only reaching to about Alice's knees, but very classy and timeless in appearance. A small bit of trimming peaked at the bottom of the dress. I didn't really expect her to get a long gown. It just wasn't Alice. The shoes matched perfectly, with the same layered look with a small bow at the top. The jeweler box was now opened showing a small, round, blue pendant set in white gold, with a small square pendant hanging just below it in the same light blue with a little round diamond perched in the middle of the two other stones.

"Alice, it's so _pretty_." I said reaching out to touch the fabric of the dress then decided against it. It was so white and pretty, I didn't want to stain it. "All of it. It's very you. It is pretty much screaming your name."

"Wait till you see the veil!" She said happily. "I saw it and was hopeless to stop myself from buying it."

She pulled out a birdcage veil with flowers adorning the side. It looked very chic, understated if not for the small white feathers that hung discreetly from the flower. It was classy, yet out there. It, again, looked just like something Alice would wear and of course pull off perfectly.

"Food's ready." Edward said walking into the living room, spatula waving. "Ooh, pretty dress and face net thing."

"It's called a birdcage veil and yes, Edward, it is a pretty dress. A pretty _white _dress that would stain at the slightest touch from things such as spatulas. Watch it, or that spatula is going to find a new home in your behind."

I heard Edward bark out a single laugh at her threat, and smiled at Alice's serious face. At this point, I personally wouldn't doubt her.

"After breakfast will you try it all on for us?" I asked as I helped her put her things back into their safely guarded bags and boxes. "I cant begin to imagine what it all looks like together. I mean of course you will pull it off I'm just not creative enough to imagine it all together."

"Of course." Alice beamed, surprised by my interest. I was too, I'll admit, but I was actually getting excited for Alice's impending nuptials. I smiled happily at getting a grasp of my life back in order, and pulling myself back into my own life. Alice clapped her hands together loudly, making me jump. "Let's eat."

----

"Carlisle is _amazing _for teaching you how to cook." Alice gushed as she ate her third pancake. "You should get Jasper in the kitchen and teach him a thing or two. The man can't handle any kind of food unless it involves the BBQ."

"Well Edward doesn't stray far from the breakfast category."

"Hey!" Edward defended weakly.

"Well breakfast can be eaten morning, noon, and night as you can see. It's the most important meal of the day and the most diverse. Crepes, waffles, French toast. As long as he has a wide variety he can cook in the breakfast range then really it's one of the best meals he could know how to cook." Alice chirped between bites and nodded towards the clock, which now read two-thirty to emphasize her point.

"I make damn good grilled cheese." Edward mumbled.

"Edward, any insignificant speck could make grilled cheese, but these pancakes," Alice paused as she shoved a large bite of pancake into her mouth, "these are what people die for."

"I'm glad you like them." He chuckled as she shoved in another mouthful. Edward smiled over at me, a chuckle flowing from his lips. It was incredible to see him smile again. "I think she was hungry."

"Shopping does that to a girl." I said pushing my empty plate away from me with a sigh. My recent aversion to food has left my stomach small and unable to hold more than a single pancake comfortably. I was stuffed.

"Full already?" Edward asked, apparently taking in the tiny bit I've eaten. "I know you normally don't like pancakes, but I thought you liked them when I added the fruit. I can make you something else."

"No! I'm just full. I didn't go shopping to work up my appetite." I held my hands up as he started raising himself from his chair. He sat back down with a disapproving look. "I have to work my stomach back up to its normal size so I can fill it with more pancakes is all."

Understanding flashed across Edward's face, before looking at me worriedly for a moment. I gave him a small smile as reassurance and he nodded once before returning to his own food. He would of course make it his goal to get me eating normal portions until I was back on track again, but I couldn't find it in me to mind. As long as we were working towards getting out of our stupor I would be fine.

After Alice decided she couldn't eat another bite she went to try on her wedding dress while Edward and I cleaned up the breakfast mess. Edward was quiet except for humming my lullaby as he rinsed the dishes. A small smile pulled at my lips as I thought about the complete turnaround he and I seemed to be going through since yesterday. That seed of doubt which clouded my judgment just the day before, was now completely dissipated and the future seemed just as bright as I had thought it would be before the incident.

I felt arms wrap around my waist, swaying me slightly. Edward turned me around, still humming, and swayed us through the kitchen before ending in a small dip and a sweet kiss.

"Alright, I'm ready to be fawned over." Alice sang out from the living room making me look away from Edwards emerald green eyes for the first time in minutes. "But I am not going anywhere near that kitchen in this dress."

Edward reluctantly released his grip on my hip, and instead grabbed my hand as we walked into the living room to see Alice dressed in white. Just as I imagined, but so much better, Alice stood there in her dress and heals, her small blue necklace hanging gently from her neck. She looked wonderful, and the dress was perfect. I couldn't help the small frog that invaded my throat as I looked at my best friend all decked out in the dress she would get married in.

Edward let out a low whistle in appraisal. "Very nice, Alice."

"I know." Alice did a quick spin for us, beaming the whole time. "I'm a genius, and this dress is perfect. No need to say the words, I can hear them sitting on the tip of your tongues. Now, I am getting it taken in a little up top since I am seriously lacking in the chestal region and a little in the waist, but otherwise this is how it will look."

"Alice…" I choked out pathetically. She looked up at me from admiring the dress draped from her body with big worried eyes. "You look so pretty."

"Bella, what is wrong with you?" Alice asked running over to my side. She didn't trip once in her high heals as the hurried over to my side. I envied her balance. "You should be happy I look good in the dress, sweetie! That's what I was going for."

"I am!" I sighed out, clearing my throat and getting my voice back to normal. "I just can't believe we're old enough for one of us to be getting married and you look so pretty, and Jasper is so great. We are kind of grown up, aren't we?"

Edward chuckled from behind me, his hand rubbing my back soothingly while he mumbled what sounded like 'women' in an amused, hushed tone. Alice just smiled brightly at me and gave me a small wink.

"Well Bella, you're next." She said happily dancing back over to the couch where her veil waited.

I stiffened where I stood, and looked back at Edward who seemed unfazed by Alice's words. Maybe I wasn't quite over my fears that Edward might decide against me, against us, but I certainly was getting better as I watched Edward completely composed at the mention of our forever.

"Help me with the veil, would you?" Alice asked as she pulled it from its box. "I want you to get the full effect. Tell me if it's too much. The truth!"

Of course it wasn't too much and Edward agreed that Alice would make a lovely bride. She felt better getting both a male and female perspective on what would be her wedding attire. She went home soon after, but left the dress here to keep it away from Jasper's curious eyes.

I walked into the living room to see Edward leaning back on the couch, eyes closed. I felt a sinking feeling, wondering if maybe it was his flawless acting that made me think he was so happy all day. But when I rounded the couch a small smile pulled at his lips and he opened his eyes as he looked towards me. He still had sadness in them, but I didn't expect otherwise. He held his arms out, motioning for me to sit with him.

He buried his head into my hair and neck, breathing in heavily as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me as close to him as humanly possible.

"I missed you." I whispered out.

"And I, you." He moved the hair away from my neck and laid a small kiss in its place. "I hated seeing you crying. I hated seeing you hurting so badly and not being able to help you. I felt so helpless."

"Same here, bud." I said lightly. "I was scared to death. I was just waiting for you to get rid of me."

Edward jerked away from me then, and turned me so I could look at him. Fire lit his eyes. "What do you mean_ 'waiting for me to get rid of you?'_ Are you insane? Why would I ever get rid of you?"

"What if we can never have kids? What if this was our one shot and I completely messed it up?"

"Bella, we can still have children, just not as easily. I personally am willing to put in as many man-hours as needed to make it happen. We can start now if you would like."

"You jest, but when you keep trying, and nothing happens you might be singing a different tune.

"So you're saying that I am going to be complaining that I have to keep sleeping with you over and over again?" Edward asked with an indignant look plastered across his face. "Be serious, Bella."

"Just don't promise me anything."

"I promise you I will never leave you. Baby or no baby you are mine. I am yours. Deal with it."

"What if it never happens?" I whispered out, staring at my hands.

"Then we will work it out together, you silly girl." Edward said hugging me to him. "Is this what you were so worried about yesterday, why you would barely look at me? You were just waiting for me to leave you?"

I nodded and swallowed back the lump forming in my throat. "You deserve to have kids Edward. In fact I think you're too pretty to not have kids. It's like I am robbing the world of something beautiful by not being able to procreate with you."

"You are strange and so very wrong." Edward chuckled once without humor.

"So you don't want to have kids?" I asked defiantly.

"Having kids is definitely something I always pictured, of course, but if it's not with you it isn't appealing in the least. If I'm not with you, I'm not happy. I wish you would get it through that thick skull of yours: I'm here to stay. You can't get rid of me."

"But I wouldn't hold it against you if you got rid of me."

"Stop. Don't start that. It isn't happening." Edward said putting his hand over my mouth, his voice ringing with finality. He looked straight into my eyes, his own eyes burning with sincerity, and annoyance. "I will never leave you and quite honestly, you can never leave me either. I simply won't allow it."

"I can never leave you? So what happens if I'm like, 'Edward it's over?' "

"Then I would say, 'Ha ha very funny.' Then I would kiss you and ask you where you wanted to go for dinner."

"Well, it seems you're stuck with me then." I sighed out.

"It seems that way."

He grabbed me, making me squeal in surprise before spinning me so I was laying on my back across the couch. I watched him as he slowly lowered himself, stopping when his face was right above my stomach. He smirked up at me while lifting my shirt to uncover just above my belly button. I pushed my hand down, but he grabbed it before it met it's mark.

"Quit. You have nothing to hide." He whispered against my skin. The warmth of his breath fanned against my my stomach making me shudder slightly.

He moved my hand away from the small scar I wanted to desperately hide from him. The scar that was a permanent reminder of everything that was lost. He lowered his lips to the small bit of raised skin before placing three kisses down the length of it. He looked up at me, a small smile gracing his perfect lips.

"Every inch of you is lovely, and every scar makes you unique. You are perfect in my eyes, and this," he kissed the scar again lightly, "is just another reminder of how strong our love for each other is. How we can get through anything together. You might want to get comfortable, because I plan on having you forever."

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**(A.N. Alice's wedding dress is up on the profile along with her veil, shoes, and necklace. I personally think that it all screams ALICE! but hey, that may just be me. Thanks for the reviews because I know thats what you are just about to do, RIGHT!?)**


	10. Strip My Mind

**(A.N. Thanks for the patience! The reviews have been GREAT!!! Thanks for the motivation to get chapters going. I made a few banners for this story because I am thinking about posting this story as an M rating on twilighted, though I haven't quite decided yet. But for your viewing pleasure I put the link to the banners on the profile and a survey at the top so go have a look and tell me which one you like the best! New songs will be added to the play list so check that out. Huge thanks to my BETA for being the epitome of perfection! She makes my writing look nice and gives me amazing advice! And, of course, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters!**

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The weeks were going by with no incident. After our talk, Edward and I leaned on each other more than ever when our memories took us back to what we lost, but now there was no fear of drowning in the sadness. It had been nearly three months since we lost our child, two months since Edward and I spoke about everything . . . With time came a certain amount of healing.

Emmett and Rose had been coming over regularly, happy to be able to talk about their baby that was still brewing in Rose's stomach without having to walk over such a vast expanse of eggshells. Emmett was goofy as ever, excited beyond belief about becoming a daddy.

It was getting easier and easier to be around Rose and Emmett without feeling like a hole has been ripped through me. I could just feel happy for them, instead of selfishly tormenting myself with thoughts of their happiness. As Edward continuously told me, we could still have a child someday, we would just have to put in a little extra work.

Alice's wedding was just around the corner, and the bachelor/bachelorette parties were set to happen in a few days. The girls would rent out a limo which would drive us around to different spots to dance and drink while the boys apparently were going to, as Emmett put it, see naked ladies. Jasper complained until he was blue in the face until Alice told him that he had to just go with it.

"Jasper…babe…sweetheart. If you don't go see some hoochies dancing on bar tables wiggling their tata's at you, you might not appreciate me as much," she had told him after Emmett was about to give in to making other plans. Emmett's eyes bulged at her words, looking almost envious that Jasper's soon-to-be wife was pretty much forcing him to go watch woman dance naked.

"I will always appreciate you more than anything," Jasper told her, making her smile. She was prepared for that answer. "I don't need to see naked women to appreciate you, Alice."

"Yes, I realize that. But Jasper, I want you to go and look at those girls and think about me the whole time. It will boost my ego, placate Emmett, and probably make Edward blush." Edward huffed out a breath, crossing his arms defiantly. He wasn't a supporter of the bachelor party plans either, in fact, he outright hated the plans. Alice continued on, unperturbed by any complaints from Edward or triumphant 'whoop's from Emmett. "I want you to go."

Jasper gave in then, but put his foot down at the mention of a lap dance. No one fought with him on the subject, and Emmett earned a heavy wallop over the noggin from Rose for suggesting it. She also warned him that if any woman so much as mentions giving him a lap dance, she wanted him to get her full name, address, and social security number. Apparently it was a murderess offence for a stripper to do their job.

"Alright, so it's all set," Rose said breaking me from my thoughts. "The limo will pick us up at seven, and then we will come back here to Bella and Edward's and stay the night."

"Sounds about right," I said with a smile. Edward apparently wasn't planning on staying anywhere but in his own bed if he was being forced to go to a strip club, regardless of Alice's begging. Eventually she gave in and said she wouldn't mind having someone strong around to carry her 'drunk ass' around.

Alice was currently sitting on the couch bouncing around to the music drifting through the apartment as she chewed on the tip of a pen. She was going over final changes in her wedding, making sure the seating arrangements for the reception were good to go, and making phone calls to make sure the men's tuxes would be ready for pick up by Thursday.

"Alright, then we're set," Rose clapped her hands together. "We have about seven girls to fit in the limo, which shouldn't be difficult. I will have this place set up with Alice's favorite drinks and I can bring over sleeping bags, air mattresses, and pillows the day of and set it all up before we head out for the night. Sound good?" I just nodded and smiled.

I was happy Alice decided to make both Rose and I maids of honor because there is no way I would have been able to pull this stuff off alone.

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"Bella, you can drink," Edward said for the fourth time. "Rose doesn't mind. She told you that numerous times."

"Yeah, but she shouldn't be the only sober one. Besides, I don't really drink anyways so it won't be a big deal," I said as I set the breakfast table, AKA the night's liquor bar, up with the assortments of hard liquor Rose had brought over earlier in the day. I was tempted to set up the stereo with 'Tequila Makes her Clothes Fall Off' for when Alice walked in. There was at least four bottles of the stuff. "Are you going to drink a bunch?"

"Probably not," Edward sighed out, rubbing his hand over his face.

"Oh, Edward, you'll be fine." I said with a giggle. I turned and faced him, leaning against the newly stocked bar for the night. He looked defeated. He really didn't want to go to the strip club.

"I know, I just hate strip clubs," he admitted. "It's just not something I enjoy in any way."

"You don't enjoy having woman willingly take their clothes off and dance around naked for you?" I cocked an eyebrow at him, amused. "You are so full of shi…"

He kissed me quickly cutting off my words. "Potty mouth," he whispered against my lips, placing both hands on the counter on either side of me and leaning in closer to me. He kissed me again, his lips lingering slightly longer than necessary and his hand moved to rest on my hip and dipping his hand under my shirt so he could touch my bare skin. "I enjoy one woman taking her clothes off for me and from what I can tell you are more than willing to do so. Besides, it's awkward and I was always taught to stare into a person eyes, not their…"

He trailed off lifting his hand in front of me to demonstrate what he was trying to say. His face was crumpled and uncomfortable looking. I started to laugh.

"What? Can't keep your eyes off the naked boobies when you go to strip clubs?" I asked, giggling out right at him.

"It's not that I want to stare, necessarily," he said with a sigh of annoyance. He stared at me, his lips curling lightly at the edges as he tried to act like he wasn't amused by my reaction to him. "They are just right there, in your face! It's like driving by an accident site. You don't want to look, but you can't help it. No matter what nightmares the images might burn into your brain."

"Ed . . . ward . . . did . . . you . . . just . . . compare . . . naked . . . boobs . . . to . . . an . . . accident?" I asked laughing harder than ever. "Night . . . mares? Boob . . . ies . . . . give . . . you . . . night . . . mares?"

It was getting harder to breathe as I laughed uncontrollably. The whole concept, the picture he put in my head imagining him at the club was too much for me to be composed about. The laughter flowed out of me uncontrollably. Edward backed away from me when I bent over with my laughter, holding my sides. He just stood watching with his eyebrow cocked and an exasperated look pulled across his face. It only served to further my amusement.

"Is she alright?" I heard a new voice ask, as I sat on the kitchen floor with tears streaming from my face and my legs spread out in front of me.

"Maybe we should throw water on her or slap her or something," another said.

I looked up to see Emmet standing over me with Jasper standing directly behind him. Jasper punched Emmett in the arm who just smiled back at him.

"You slap her and you'll get punched," Jasper said glaring at Emmett, though he looked more amused than anything.

"I was only joking man, but I mean look at her," Emmett said, pointing at me. "She is going into hysterics."

"She's fine," Jasper said, smiling down at me. Edward was now leaning against the sink just watching me laugh, while he chuckled to himself.

"What did you do to her?!" Alice's voice filtered through the room as she danced in front of Emmett and stared down at me. She smiled at me, enjoying the fact that I was laughing so hard.

"She seems to be enjoying herself." Rose.

"She is laughing at my expense at the moment," Edward sighed out. He was less annoyed and more amused at this point, though annoyance wasn't forgotten.

I hopped up with the help of a hand from Emmett and leaned against the counter behind me, only letting out a small giggle here and there. Edward just smiled at me, both amused and exasperated but his bright green eyes were shining. He was just happy to see me smiling so much, I realized.

Edward made his way over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, while kissing my forehead simultaneously.

"You okay now, or are you going to tumble into another roll of hysterics?" He asked, teasingly. I just shrugged, another tiny giggle escaping as I stood on my tippy toes and kissed him.

He brought his hands up, cupping my cheeks between them. I smiled, his warm touch comforting me, and leaned into his touch. His thumb swiped a stray tear that had run down my face. He just smiled, shaking his head back and forth in amusement.

"I love you Isabella Swan, even if you find my pain amusing."

I rolled my eyes and snorted. "Hear that guys," I said turning towards the group. "He thinks the strip club is torture, and considers it physically painful to be subjected to such things."

"Oh, for Christ's sakes, Edward," Rose spout out. "It's just some naked women. Get over it."

"You could go in my place," he smiled over his shoulder at her as Emmett pulled her to him, looking excited by the prospect of his girlfriend going with him to watch naked women.

"As much as I would love to prove what a pansy you are being, I must decline," she said as she patted Emmett's shoulder. "Alice needs me there to help carry her from bar to bar."

"That's my Rose!" Alice high-fived Rose, while an un-approving Jasper watched on. He worried about Alice too much. Not being able to be there to take care of her had to be wreaking havoc on his overly sensible mind.

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"You bought the tequila?" Alice asked for the fifth time as we rode to our first stop of the night. Of course it was some club that I would absolutely hate, but I would at least be distracted by a soon to be intoxicated Alice enough to drown out the horrible music that was sure to be playing.

"Yes, for the hundredth time, we bought copious amounts of liquor, tequila being the primary drink. No worries, Alice," Rose sighed out, trying to not be annoyed. Alice was hyper beyond belief, ready to live out her last night out as a single woman until she couldn't remember it the next day.

"Alright, good." She lifted her hand up, pressing the button to open the sun roof. "I am only drinking frilly drinks at the bars, but at home I am taking shots. Bella has to take some with me."

"No, I don't." I said, surprised as Alice explained her plans to get me drunk to one of her coworkers she invited along for the night of fun for all and booze galore. "Alice, I don't want to get drunk tonight."

"But Bell-ahh! It's my night. Can't you take one for the team!?"

"What team? There is no team!" I disagreed. "You do not qualify as a team!"

"Please, just a few shots of tequila. For me."

"I hate tequila."

"BLASPHEMY!" Alice shouted pointing at me.

"Not blasphemy! It's the truth!" I argued. "That stuff tastes worse then it smells!"

"SACRELIGIOUS!" she yelled again.

"I'm not drinking that crap!" I continued, but she acted as though she hadn't heard me, cutting me off.

"MADNESS!" she yelled.

I sighed, already feeling defeated. Being so drunk that Alice's antics wouldn't wear on me was starting to sound better and better.

"Fine! One shot, no more," I said finally, not really looking forward to slew of curse words I knew she would holler if I didn't give in on her night.

"Two, no less" she countered. "And a shot of rum!"

"RUM!" One shot could get me tipsy, two shots got me drunk, and a third would take away any memory of my night the next morning.

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me," she sang out, swaying her fingers through the air with the tune.

"You are lucky you have Jasper," I grumbled giving into defeat, and hoping beyond hope that Alice would be too drunk by the time we got home to remember that I was supposed to drink with her. "If Jasper weren't in the picture I would take you out. He would kill me though, if I did, so you're safe."

"Oh, Bella. You love me, and regardless of Jasper you would never do anything to harm me in any way because I am your favorite," she smiled happily, confident in her logic. "Now quit arguing and accept defeat gracefully!"

"Fine, but I'm not dancing at all tonight!"

Two hours, and three Cosmo's later Alice had me on the dance floor. Rose and I were the only ones sticking with coke and water while the rest of the ladies drank the frilliest drinks they could at astonishing speeds. Two girls left for home early after throwing up the pretty colored frilly drinks that they downed too quickly. The sidewalk outside of the bar was more colorful now.

Alice, thankfully, refused to wear any form of sash or fuzzy crown depicting the word 'bachelorette,' stating that the tackiness couldn't be looked past. I was more than happy she didn't wear the ugly things that would have brought any more attention down on our small group. No, Alice was getting plenty of attention as it was.

She was spinning around, dipping to the floor, and swaying her hips with a combination of sexiness and silliness that only Alice could pull off after so many drinks. She wasn't anywhere near drunk, but tipsy could describe her pretty accurately. She was louder than normal, more obnoxious, and way more bossy.

"Bellllllla…" she sighed out loudly as she grabbed my hips to make me sway right along with her. "Dance! Be sexy and have fun!"

"I'm trying but dancing isn't exactly my forte." I yelled over the music which played music that made me want to rip my ears off. "The word 'sexy' really doesn't register in my brain!"

"Bull-Shit!" she yelled. "Edward thinks you are the sexiest thing on the planet and if someone like Edward can think that then EVERYONE thinks that!"

I sighed, swaying my hips clumsily with Alice, before she tried dipping us to the floor. I almost fell, causing Alice to scold me while laughing. Apparently I am quite funny when she drinks.

The bar scene apparently got old very fast because after our second destination, we decided it was time to head home so Alice could take shots.

"And Bella!" Alice corrected, as I lost all hope that I might have a chance of not drinking tonight.

It was twelve-thirty when we got home and of course, Edward was lounging on the couch nursing a beer when we walked in. He looked up at Alice, who was the first to find him and laughed when she lunged at him and gave him a hug. Then he stared at me, after Alice had detached herself and quicker than I thought possible, was at my side.

"What's wrong?" he asked, kissing the side of my neck, my forehead, then the tip of my nose.

"She is making me take shots with her." I pouted.

"No, she isn't," Edward said with finality. "If you don't want to drink, you don't have to Bella. Just fill a shot glass with water and pretend."

"She smells them before she lets me drink them now," I sighed out, having already tried that trick numerous times. "It's no big deal, but prepare yourself. I am set to take three shots of hard liquor and that puts me under. I cannot be held accountable for my misbehaving."

"I FOUND THE TEQUILA!" Alice yelled out excitedly from the kitchen.

Rose stood from her place on the couch and walked towards the kitchen grumbling. "Like that was a difficult task. The whole damn bar was covered in bottles of the stuff."

"She seems happy," Edward chuckled when Rose was out of earshot.

"She is a little grumpy." I admitted, wincing when my name was being yelled from the kitchen. "I am being summoned."

Edward nodded and started leading me towards the kitchen. "Though I hate to admit it, it might be interesting to see you a little drunk, or a lot drunk. It should be entertaining." I rolled my eyes and pushed past him into the kitchen, spotting Alice before anything else.

Alice was sitting cross-legged on the counter top, back facing the edge, with three shot glasses, two bottles of tequila, one bottle of rum, a heaping cup of limes, and a tub of sea salt in front of her. Her smile stretched fully across her face as she opened one of the bottles of tequila, and started pouring.

I stood next to her, Edward stood behind her, not fully confident in her balancing skills and Alice's last friend standing from work on her other side. All her other friends ended up getting sick and going home.

She set a full shot glass in front of each of us, along with a lime. I could smell the vile drink and I knew I would be made fun of when I plugged my nose to throw back the shot.

"Alright, on the count of three," Alice said, bouncing. "Get your salt ready, shot in the air…"

"Blah," I whined, causing Rose to chuckle from the sidelines.

"Three, two, one." Alice was the first to take her shot, I was the last.

I counted to three again, this time more slowly, then licked the salt from the back of my hand, plugged my nose and swallowed the liquid down as quickly as possible. I grabbed the lime quickly after and sucked out as much of its juice as possible to drown out the flavor of the liquor while everyone watched on with shocked, amused eyes.

"You barely even flinched." Alice congratulated. "But this time you can't plug your nose."

"I take it you have had to do this before," Edward chuckled from behind us.

"EDWARD!" Alice sang excitedly, apparently not having noticed his presence until just now. "You can join this time."

Edward looked at me, then at Alice before nodding. "Fine, but no more than two shots tonight, no rum, I am staying right where I am and I am doing it after you are finished with this one."

"Fine, fine." Alice waved him off, wobbling slightly. Her words were starting to slur. "Second shot of tequila, first for Edward, no nose plugging."

We all threw back the shots, no noses plugged and this time it took two limes to get the taste out of my mouth enough to be able to stand it. I was starting to feel the effects as I turned and watched Edward take the shot like a pro. I was almost envious of his tolerance for tequila. Alice cheered for him.

Rum was next, and only Edward and Rose didn't have to take a shot of it. Of course at this point I was feeling the effects of the two shots more heavily so the taste of it didn't affect me much and Alice somehow talked me into taking another shot of something.

Edward took another shot of tequila, again making the rest of us look like amateurs. After that, things around me got a kind of fuzzy glimmer around them and Edward had to help me to the couch. He had already done his two promised shots, and started nursing the same beer from earlier and yet he still was barely tipsy though from what I could tell, the liquor was starting to slowly have an effect on him.

"I love you." I slurred out tiredly, though by the look on Edwards face it was slurred so much he probably barely understood me. "I love all of you." I sighed out waving my hand out in a broad motion. My body was feeling very heavy and I was feeling pretty darn happy.

"I know love," he sighed out with an amused smile, as I lounged back on the couch.

The night was hazy after that, and I think Alice got me to do another shot or two. I can't be sure though. The last thing I really remember was Alice dancing clumsily around the living room while Edward (who had opted to take two more shots, and was drinking another beer) and Rose kept her from falling or breaking anything while her other friend was passed out on her blow up mattress. Rose was the only fully sober one in the place. Being pregnant had it's advantages on nights like these. Last I remember Edward was well on his way to being drunk, at least since the last time I remember.

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The soft cushiony bed under me, and the fluffy covers covering me disoriented me when I woke up. I tried opening my eyes, but the sunlight streaming in only aggravated my already pounding headache making me groan and shut them again quickly. I felt strong arms around me, so I turned and buried my head into Edward's strong chest trying to drown out the light.

"My head hurts," I whined, breathing in Edward.

"Mine too, love," he sighed, almost groaning.

That's when I looked up at him to see that he looked more haggard then I have ever seen him. His hair was more disheveled then after even our most rowdy of nights, and his eyes held small bags under them. He was peering down at me with one eye squinted open, probably trying to filter out the light just like I was, and a small smirk graced his lips, though it didn't reach his eyes.

"Did you drink more last night?" I asked as he rubbed his forehead tenderly.

He just nodded with a grunt. "Alice is very convincing when I am already tipsy. Her logic somehow seemed infallible!"

I looked down at myself as he spoke, feeling more chilly than usual and realized that Edward and I were both in our birthday suits, our clothes flung around the room haphazardly. Some hanging from the dresser, others in heaps on the floor.

"Holy shit," I said too loudly making both Edward and myself groan. I lowered my voice to a surprised whisper. "We totally had sex!"

Edward head popped up then, looking around the room then down at our already entangled lower half then back at me. "Apparently," he said looking a little confused, like he was trying to remember. "Damn it. I wish I could remember."

"Yeah, it looks like it was a good time," I said with a giggle as I took note of the knocked over chair, and the strange angle the dresser sat against the wall. "Poor Rose."

But when I looked over at Edward he didn't look like he was worried about the noise Rose had to be subjected to, but more aware of the fact that we were entangled in the covers very naked and very pressed against one another. Apparently Edward's train of thought was no longer consumed by the pain of his horrible hangover as he pressed himself against me, groaning and kissing down my neck leaving a fiery trail in its wake.

"Let's try reliving it then," he purred out against my ear, pressing his hips against me further.

"If we must."

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**(A.N. Remember to review, and tell me what banner you like the best!)**


	11. Suck My Kiss

**(A.N. Deep breaths people, deep breaths! This chapter took me a few days to write, then a few more to look it over, then a about another week for me to tweak it until I was comfortable putting it out here for all your lovely eyes to see and then of course I sent it off to my lovely BETA for approval. Oh and then I had my dude look it over. All in all, it has been rather time consuming. **

**I had to brave the evil workings of my boyfriend's family this past week and it was a battle that left scars. The boy was raised by all women and not a one of them is pleasant. Add that to some serious sleep deprivation and well…**

**Anyways, apparently my last chapter wasn't quite up to par, judging from the amount of reviews, or more accurately lack there of. I'm deeply sorry for that. I thought it was a funny chapter and thought maybe you needed some funny after so much seriousness. I hope this chapter meets everyone's expectations! The reviews I did get were amazing! Very nice, very appreciated reviews! I loved them all and am thankful for all those who took the time _to_ review! It truly helps motivate me to write, something I am in desperate need of lately. Please remember to tap that little button at the bottom and give me your two cents about the chapter. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters!**

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"Damn it!"

"Cool it, Alice. You look beautiful!"

"Do you really think that's the issue!?"

"Take a deep breath before you hyperventilate, and watch your language; there's a child in the room." I smiled apologetically Jasper's Aunt whose granddaughter was hiding behind her legs giggling. The little flower girl seemed to find the cursing more funny than offensive.

"Sorry, Natasha," Alice said with a sheepish smile in the small girl's direction, before turning back to me with wide eyes. "But Bella, I'm freaking out!"

"Why!? What do you have to freak out about?" I walked over to her, putting my bouquet down on a table as I went. "You're marrying the man of your dreams today. You have never been unsure about anything, Alice, so I don't see the problem."

"I know he's perfect for me, but my heart is thumping really hard in my chest right now and my breathing isn't so great and I AM FREAKING OUT!"

"Alright, alright!" I said rubbing her back. "Calm down, breathe in deep, and think about how good Jasper is going to look all decked out waiting for you at the end of that aisle."

Alice looked fantastic in all her wedding glory. Jasper was sure to stop breathing when he saw her, but apparently, she was nervous. How something like that could happen, I wouldn't be able to tell you, but she was.

"Alice, the wedding is a snap." Rose snapped her fingers in emphasis before taking a swig from her water bottle probably to wash out the taste of her morning sickness that occurred in the late afternoon. She was showing, but just barely and was being a real trooper about having to puke her guts out every once in awhile. "It's the actual marriage that's the challenge and not even that is so hard. You got this, so chill out."

Alice drew in a breath through her nose before letting it out through her mouth her hands rising up with her breath and back down as she exhaled. "Okay. I'm fine."

And like that she was. She looked as cool as a cucumber as she readjusted her birdcage veil and grabbed her bouquet like a woman on a mission.

"That's our girl!" Rose whooped from her seat as she lounged back patting her stomach. "Shall we go get you hitched before I vomit again?"

"Lovely, Rose," Alice said as she inspected herself one last time in the mirror. "I swear, pregnant or not, if you puke in the middle of my wedding I will not be pleased."

"I promise not to ruin the decoration with my stomach contents."

"Alright, let's go get you married."

Jasper's groomsmen were waiting to walk us ladies down the aisle as we walked out into the hall from the hotel bathroom. The ballroom was decked out with Jasper waiting front and center for his lovely little pixie to walk down the aisle to him.

"Hello, boys," Alice chimed out to the two men. "Laurent, you're with Bella, Eric, you're with Rose. Don't trip, and keep your hands off their goods. Their taken by very strong men. Oh, and that goes double for you Eric, she's expecting and her husband is a giant. I mean, he could step on you so keep your hands and eyes in the appropriate areas."

The two rolled their eyes while they took Rose and my arms'. Alice was playing it cool as the music started queuing Natasha to start walking down the aisle, throwing rose pedals down as she went. Alice's father was by her side, doting on her and telling how lovely she looked, and she of course, accepted his doting and agreed with him wholeheartedly. Rose was next, sauntering down the aisle like she owned it and I think I even heard Emmett whistle, making a few chuckles filter through the large crowd of Alice and Jasper's friends and family. Then all too soon, it was my turn.

"Don't let me trip," I whispered to Laurent as we started walking. He looked at me funny like I did something strange before staring straight ahead. Apparently no one warned him beforehand about my utter lack of balance, and seeing as how neither he nor Eric were at the rehearsal he didn't get a chance to meet me beforehand so he could see for himself. He already looked like he was ready to get away from me but I just shrugged it off. Soon enough he wouldn't have to help me down the stupid aisle, and until then he would just have to suck it up and be nice.

With, "Don't trip, don't trip, don't trip . . ." as my mantra that I walked to, I made my way down the aisle. I caught Laurent staring at me questionably from the corner of his eyes the whole way down the aisle. I ignored him. Jasper stood at the end fiddling with his coat sleeves, looking both nervous and excited. I had to look away from him because his nervousness was apparently contagious.

I stared around the room and the most attractive set of green eyes caught my gaze from the front row on Jasper's side of guests. Edward looked like the most attractive version of James Bond I have ever seen in his tux. Sexy, and mysterious, and oh, so yummy. His hair was combed, but still messy, and his smile was bright and shining and pointed directly at me. I could practically feel the glares other women were giving me at that moment.

That was an amazing sign. Alice had a wide and very colorful variety of friends and cousins that were all beautiful. More than a few showed off their beauty by accentuating it with a little cleavage here, and a some leg there, yet his eyes stayed trained on me without so much as a glimpse away, even as Emmett patted him on the back approvingly. His stare was so intense, in fact, that I had to look away before I tripped, not to mention the embarrassing shade of red I could feel my cheeks turning. With the blue of my dress, the pale white of my skin, and the now bright red of my cheeks I probably looked quite patriotic.

Jasper smiled brightly at me as Laurent and I paused for a moment in front of him before separating to take our spots on either side. I slid him a smile and a wink for good luck as I moved to the side next to Rose, but he just smiled back getting more and more excited as the time came closer and closer for Alice to emerge and glide toward him.

Queue the wedding march, and that was when I watched Jasper. I watched as his eyes widened, and his smile brightened as Alice came into view. I watched as he sucked in a heavy breath and swallowed hard as her beauty really sunk in, and how he fidgeted with anticipation as she drew closer and closer to him. I saw his eyes water slightly and watched as his entire face drew into a more comfortable look when she finally stopped right in front of him.

"Who gives this woman to be married?" the preacher asked Mr. Brandon when Alice and he reached the end of their walk.

Alice wasn't paying attention, smiling brightly, eyes already getting watery, as she stared back up at Jasper and no one else. She didn't notice the extravagant decorations, didn't look at the incredible floral arrangements adorning the wide aisles and altar, she didn't even notice as her dad answered the preacher with the traditional, "Her mother and I."

She only saw Jasper, and he only saw her. So much so that I had to clear my throat to get his attention when Alice's father was offering Alice's arm to Jasper. He broke from his gawking long enough to take a step or two forward and offer his arm to Alice which she took without any hesitation.

Alice wasn't one to cut her big day short, so of course the wedding nuptials were long and pretty sounding, which was also incredibly boring. Poor Rose probably was dying to run to the restroom about now, but either way she kept still and silent, smiling the whole time. Of course I was all ears when they reach the part where they were to recite their vows, which Jasper insisted they write themselves.

"Alice, I love you. There isn't much to say that I haven't already told you and even if there was, no words would be enough. Beauty, grace, class, sexy, intelligent, hyper. All those words can be used to describe you yet none hold a candle to the real thing. Even love sounds so petty and unremarkable when it leaves my lips as I'm trying to describe how I feel. I hope someday in our long lives together I might come up with a way to really show how much I truly care but until then know that I do without bounds. You are my life, now and forever."

Alice's make up stayed amazingly in place as the tears streamed down her face. Her bottom lip quivered slightly as she stared into Jaspers eyes, and as I looked away from what to me seemed like such a private moment, I saw Edward staring straight at me. He smiled, small, but meaningful.

"Jasper, I feel so silly now because of course I had to have this long drawn out ceremony so people had to take time to recognize that we were so in love, and that we were binding both our love and selves to one another today. Now, though, I just want it to get to the kissing part cause right now these few inches between us feels like miles. Damn you for making me cry, but thank so much you for loving me enough to make me do so. I'm going to make this short, so we can get to the good part. I love you with every fiber of my being, Jasper Whitlock. Don't ever forget that." She turned her head to the preacher then. "Please, continue."

The preacher laughed lightly before beginning again. Jasper, of course, looked like he wanted to bound over the small space, and pull Alice to him but he didn't. He put the ring on her finger, and she put his ring on his, then in the middle of the preacher's "You may now kiss the bride" line Jasper crushed Alice to him and kissed her in a way that made all the woman gasp and swoon. Seriously, the boy had me panting at that moment.

"Ho-ly shit! Now that is a kiss." I looked over at Rose who was smirking as she fanned herself with her hand. I laughed, probably louder then I should have but no one noticed because at that moment Jasper and Alice were being introduced to the crowd.

"Ladies and gentlemen. I would like to present Mr. and Mrs. Jasper Whitlock."

Jasper threw their intertwined hands in the air, smiling triumphantly before he swooped Alice up into his arms, bridal-style, kissed her again and strolled towards the doors. The crowd hooted and hollered clapping loudly and I think I heard Emmett whistle approvingly at quiet Jasper Whitlock's public display of affection. The rest of us in the wedding party followed the new couple giggling the whole way.

When the wedding party was finished filtering out of the main hall, the guests were allowed to get up and head towards the reception. Rose had already taken off towards the bathroom though what she had in her stomach to throw up I couldn't imagine. Alice and Jasper were busy staring into each other's eyes while smiling and I was left to myself.

Aside from their passionate kiss on the altar, I can't say I have ever seen them really intimate. These last few moments have really given me a better appreciation for Jasper as a man. Sure, Edward was far better in my eyes, but now I understood that there was more to Jasper then movie star good looks, brains, and a winning personality. If he was as good at other things as he seemed to be at kissing, then he and Alice could make quite the lucrative film career if they ever wanted to.

"You look beautiful." I jumped like a dork as Edward's arms snaked around my waist before he whispered in my ear but soon after I melded myself back into his body enjoying the touch after watching my friend getting all lovey with her new husband.

"You look better," I sighed out, leaning my head back onto his shoulder. I was still scanning the room as Edward kissed my neck once, skimming his nose along my jaw line.

One of his hands rested gently on my stomach, right above the small scar that would be a constant reminder. He did that a lot. Touching it, resting his hand over it when in public or kissing it when he would kiss down my body when we alone and intimate. It was always on his mind, just like it was always on my own, and his touches soothed the ache, reminding me I wasn't alone even slightly.

"Nonsense. Every man in the place was staring at you. Aside from Jasper and Emmett."

"Not true. In fact I'm pretty sure that the guy that I had to walk down the aisle with, Laurent, didn't like me one bit," I said, nodding my head once in emphasis. "I would even go so far as to say he found me quite unappealing and I'm pleased to say I think I creeped him out without even trying. It was a proud moment for me."

"What an idiot." Edward turned me and hugged me to him. I rested my cheek against his chest and breathed in deeply, calming instantly when his familiar musk reached my nose. He ran a hand down the length of my hair and kissed the top of my head.

"Yeah, well, not everyone can have such keen eyesight like you," I teased. "I think Jasper made most of the woman gawking at you, swoon after him instead with that speech and then that kiss."

Edward grabbed my shoulder and pushed me away from his slightly, lifting his eyebrows at me in question, an amused smirk pulling across his lips. I pouted at the loss of contact. "You were fawning after Jasper?"

"NO! I mean, sure that speech was awesome, and boy, oh boy was that quite the kiss, but he is practically my brother. Don't be gross Edward."

"Bella! Is Rose in the bathroom? 'Cause I can't find her anywhere," Emmett asked from behind us. His eyebrows were drawn together in worry as he looked at me.

"Yeah, Em." I smiled at him trying to be reassuring. The man couldn't handle his wife being sick. "She ran in there as soon as we made it out of the hall."

"Could you go check on her? I'm going to have an aneurysm!" He said, shuffling his feet around anxiously. "I mean I would myself, but last time I did there was a lot of screaming woman and Rose got really pissed."

"Yeah, I'll be right back," I said yanking the water bottle Emmett was holding out of his hand as I walked towards the ladies room.

Of course when I walked in I was greeted by the lovely sound of Rose's heaves. I bent and scanned under the stalls, spotting her powder blue dress and gold strappy heals without a problem.

As horrible as the sound of her heaving sounded, she hadn't once complained, at least not about the morning sickness, which seemed to be more of a late afternoon, early evening sickness in her case. No, she complained about other peoples anxious doting over her. She hated being taken care of and let it be known to anyone who tried. The only one brave enough to really attempt it was Emmett and he regularly got an earful from her. That never stopped him though.

"Hey Rose, you okay?" I said quietly. I heard a grumble of words before another round of heaves. "Take your time. I brought you some water."

The toilet flushed and out popped a poised-looking Rose, patting out the wrinkles in her dress and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Thanks, Bella."

"Emmett was freaking," I said as I handed her the water which she gulped down like she was dying of thirst. Really though, she was probably dehydrated. I would have to make sure she drank a lot of water whenever I was around her. "And the wedding party is supposed to start gathering for photos and stuff. Alice said to tell you not to rush."

"I'm fine. Everyone is always so worried about me now," she said taking the last swig of water before disposing the empty bottle into the garbage bin and making her way over to the sinks. "It is normal for this morning/afternoon/evening sickness to happen. It's nothing to freak out about. I pre-warned Emmett, but of course he still runs around like a chicken with his head cut off when I'm stuck in the bathroom for any extended period of time."

"Yeah, but none of us like seeing you feeling bad, even if it is for a good cause." I glanced at her belly then back at her a small pang of jealousy ran through me, followed quickly by guilt for being jealous, then, of course, after that followed the inevitable pain that always flowed through me whenever I saw any woman with a protruding belly. I buried all that, though, not letting any come into fruition. I looked back up at Rose who was pulling a toothbrush from her purse. "It's our job to worry."

"Yeah well, I hate being doted on by everyone," she said around her toothbrush. She cleaned up her make up in the mirror, straightened her dress, before turning around and standing up straight facing me. "Do I look like I just spent the last fifteen minutes getting acquainted with the porcelain god?"

"No, you look really hot. If I was a guy, or if I swung that way, I would be all over you."

"You're too kind." She smiled, waving her hand through the air before strutting out of the bathroom with her head held high. "Jesus Emmett! I'm fine! It's nothing to worry about! Get a hold of yourself, Man!"

I walked out right behind her, where Emmett and Edward waited. Edward looked on amused as his brother got bitched at for being too caring, though if you really paid attention to Rose, you could tell she loved that he cared so much. Her eyes sparkled every time he would rush to her, wanting more than anything to make her feel better. She may swat him away, she may bitch, but she loved that he worried and cared so much.

"Bella! Rose! Pictures are happening now!" Alice's shrill voice sounded through the hall. "If you aren't out in at the arch way in one minute I will personally come after you with a fork and a coaster."

"Isn't she just your regular McGyver?" Rose laughed as she kissed Emmett's nose and strutted away towards the sound of Alice's voice. She looked over her shoulder at a now less worried Emmett and winked. "Catch you at the reception, stud."

"She is going to be such a MILF." Emmett groaned out as his head fell to the side.

"Fantastic mind picture, Em." I patted his shoulder, cringing when my name was screeched out across the hallway again. "That's my cue. I better get over there if you ever want to see me again."

"I wouldn't make Alice angry today of all days," Edward chuckled as he kissed my forehead and shooed me away. "I'll see you soon."

I started jogging my way over to Alice and Rose, nearly falling more than a few times. They watched as I approached, stumbling the whole way amused as hell by the display. I glared and huffed out a sigh when I was in range of their giggles.

"Laugh all you want, you devil pixie, but it's your fault I'm wearing these damn death traps." I shot my foot out to display my shoes and fell backwards in the process landing hard on my rear which also knocked my skirt up exposing way too much of my legs. I heard deep chuckles coming from behind me and turned my head to see Jasper's asshole groomsmen taking in the sight and laughing at my expense. I flipped them the bird before taking the hand Rose extended to me. She yanked me up and steadied me. "Pricks."

"Bella, watch you language around minors." Alice patted Rose's belly, while Rose stared down at her like she was insane.

"She can cuss," Rose put in. "I do, a lot actually. It's hard not to with these damn mood swings. I like to think it will make my child well versed in the modern times."

"Such class." Alice rolled her eyes and grabbed both of our wrists, hauling us past the snickering groomsmen and straight over to her new groom who was busy speaking with the photographer. Jasper turned with a smiled, giving me a pitiful look.

"How's your back side?" he asked with an apologetic smile, apparently having seen my tumble.

"Sore, but I intend on kicking your groomsmen's ass' pretty soon. It should make me feel better." He laughed at that and nodded.

"They just don't like that Alice's lovely bridesmaids are taken. They had high hopes of meeting you two."

"Enough talk!" Alice sang holding her hands up. "Let's say cheese and go dance the night away."'

"As you wish, Mrs. Whitlock." Jasper crooned, swiping Alice up and dipping her back kissing her yet again with enough passion to make the rest of us sweat.

"Oh, how I love when you call me that, Mr. Whitlock."

Rose just rolled her eyes. "I think I'm going to puke again."

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**(A.N. Alright! Review! It makes me happy! Thanks again and make sure to check out the play list!)**


	12. Fortune Faded

**(A.N. So this took awhile. It will probably take awhile for the next one too, although I am working my ass off to finish it. Seriously I have it open on my computer right at this second about ready to write more. Still, it will take a bit. Finals, and term papers, and all that awesome stuff is coming up full speed which is slowing me down, slightly. Thanks for the patience and the reviews are fantastic!**

**The play list will be updated with new songs so check it out. Also, wish me luck. I have to brave dinner with my boyfriends less then pleasant family again later this week. Encouragement from you may give me courage. Thanks to my FANTASTIC, AMAZING, LOVELY BETA for primping my work and making it pretty so speedily. You should thank her too! Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you enjoy! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters!**

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"Big, bright smiles, people!" The cameraman barked out as we posed together. The guy was obviously getting tired. He kept telling all of us to smile, while keeping a constant scowl on his face. I doubted Alice was paying him enough for the crap she was putting him through. "It's your friend's big day, show how happy you are for them."

"It would be better if we didn't have to pose with these dummies," Rose said under her breath. I giggled, and the two groomsmen that I owed an ass kickin' to glared at us. "Hey, you two! Didn't you hear the man? Smile, damn it! Be happy! Don't make me get Alice over here!" Rose pointed at the two to emphasize her threat.

I actually laughed at that, and laughed even harder when the two actually looked scared at the prospect of Alice finding out they weren't cooperating. We all smiled, except for Rose. She smirked.

"Grumpy Rose kicks ass," I giggled after the camera flashed a few more times and the cameraman signaled that he was done with the torture.

"I'm glad you think so," Rose said, still looking poised. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to head to the restroom and throw up."

"Classy."

"I do my best." And she walked back towards the bathroom looking hotter than anyone in the place, other than Alice, that is.

We were finished with pictures. I felt like my feet were going to fall off if I had to stand another second. Alice made me take pictures with just Rose, with Rose and the groomsmen, with just her, with just Jasper, with Rose and Jasper, with her and Rose, etcetera, etcetera. It took forever, but Alice and Jasper still had a ways to go. Alice, of course, had a lot of romantic pictures she wanted taken of just her and Jasper in different parts of the elegant hotel with different poses. It still would be awhile.

The reception was in full swing in the ballroom of the giant hotel. Everyone one in there sat waiting for the new couple to make their appearance so they could eat. It was lovely with flowers and table cloths, and ribbons and other girly stuff that I didn't appreciate like I should. I could smell food wafting from the kitchen, making my stomach rumble, but I couldn't go in yet. I had to wait for Alice, Jasper and the rest of the wedding party.

Yippee.

When Rose made it out of the restroom, I had a water bottle in hand waiting for her. It was my new mission whenever I was around her to make sure she was hydrated. The poor woman was throwing up so often that she had to be low on fluids. She took the water graciously and leaned against a wall to wait, sipping it slowly.

"The little pixie has put far too much thought into this," Rose said as she inspected her finger nails. "There isn't going to be enough wall space for all the pictures she's getting taken. It's all excess. Most of the pictures will get loaded into some photo album that will sit in a book shelf getting dusty."

"That's Alice," I sighed, and wished that I could get to the food that smelled so good. One thing about Alice is she left nothing out. The food was going to be damn good and I wanted it in my belly. "She has been dreaming about this day her whole life. She thinks it's important. I suppose it _is _important."

"Blah, blah, blah. I know it's her day and all, but I'm starving. I don't care if I won't keep the food down, I want to _eat_."

"You and I both." I grumbled the stood straighter, and adopted my best glare when the two groomsmen walked over to us. "Gentlemen," I greeted coldly.

We had a small war going, though I didn't take it too seriously. It was kind of fun, but I still didn't like the guys. They were jerks, and I intended on at least scaring them a little, or maybe just annoying them. Either, or.

"Alice said they are almost finished and that we needed to wait over here," Laurent said, looking annoyed. Where the hell did Jasper find his friends, anyways? Snobs Are Us?

"Lovely," I said snidely, while Rose guffawed from behind me.

"It isn't lovely at all," she said. "These two are the most annoying guys I have ever met, and to top it off they laughed when you fell. I mean, I did too, but we're friends so it's allowed."

"Too right," I agreed. "But not these two."

"Never those two," Rose commented.

"I doubt Edward will be happy to hear what complete jerks they are."

"Emmett will be livid."

"God you two are annoying," Eric grumbled, and rolled his eyes.

"Annoying, bitchy, all talk. All of these things could be used to describe these two." Rose stood straighter as Laurent spoke and walked closer to him.

"Bitchy doesn't even begin to describe me," she purred threateningly. She was nearly the same height as him in her heals. I swear I saw him swallow hard, but other than that he looked unfazed. "I'm pregnant, sweetheart, so annoying and bitchy are permitted."

"So what's your friends excuse?" Eric asked.

"Why you . . ." I started walking towards him ready to administer the ass-kicking, but was lifted from the ground and pulled against a broad chest. I knew it was Edward from his touch alone. That, and his cologne tipped me off. Still, violent Bella was out and ready to kick ass. Him grabbing me like that was just putting his poor shins in danger. "Let me go. I have punishment to distribute."

"Bella, love, maybe you should wait until you are wearing flat shoes, so you don't fall again." Laughs echoed out from the two men, but Edward silenced them with a stare. "Gentlemen. I hope you understand that as this lovely woman's boyfriend and the other's brother-in-law, I am obligated to stick up for them. I hope you realize that anything, but polite behavior towards them will be taken aggressively and will be dealt with by me and my brother, Emmett." Edward turned and pointed Emmett out. He stood with his arms crossed and mean scowl pulling down his face. The two men shut up quickly. I would have too.

"Wow. Emmett looks _pissed_!" I whispered to Edward, a little shocked.

"He's hungry." Edward chuckled, then composed himself back into cool, threatening Edward. "Thank you, gentlemen. And Bella, you behave too."

"I am perfectly capable of behaving without you telling me to," I said annoyed. "Thank you very much, _Edward_."

"You're lovely when you're overreacting, but please, for me, don't start fights with the wedding party. Alice wouldn't approve and I would prefer that you didn't rock that boat while she's still within hitting distance. She is much better at running in heels then you are. She would catch you if you tried to run."

"Point taken," I mumbled and kissed his cheek. He smirked and kissed my forehead. "I'll behave like a perfectly brought-up young woman."

"Just until tonight," he whispered. "Then you don't have to be such a lady."

"You're a pervert, Cullen," Rose said, having heard his whispered words.

"As compared to my brother?" Edward asked surprised, but unashamed. It was true. Emmett really was a dirty goose, but he was in a whole other ballpark. Dirty sounded to clean for him at times. "I can hardly believe that."

"True enough." Rose sipped her water nodding as she spoke. "Still, you're a pervert."

"I like you, pervert Edward." I giggled and hugged his waist. "I'm hungry. I think I should find Alice and drag her here so we can make our grand entrance."

"No need." Alice chirped coming up behind us. "I'm here, I'm happy, and I'm ready to make this grand entrance as the new Mrs. Jasper Whitlock."

"I'm ready to eat," Rose said, smoothing her dress out. I followed suit while Edward said his goodbyes, and slipped through the door with Emmett in tow. He still looked pissed that he hadn't gotten to eat yet, but I saw him perk up a little when Edward whispered that food would come soon. "Alice, you better hurry. Emmett looks like he's about to barge into the kitchen and dismantle the whole damn place if you don't feed him soon."

"I can take that big lug." Alice stood taller and put her hands on her hips. "If he so much as thinks about going in that kitchen I will take him down." She bawled her fist and slammed it into her opened palm.

"No need for all of that." Jasper intervened looking amused. I smiled as I pictured tiny Alice barreling into giant Emmett. If only these things actually happened. "We are heading in right now, and then food will be served."

The door to the reception swung open again and annoyed Edward poked his head out. "Sorry guys. Bella your phone keeps ringing, but when I pick up no one answers." As if on cue the phone rang again and he stretched his hand out, handing me the noisy thing.

I grabbed it from him and looked at the screen confused. It was probably some stupid telemarketer. I can't understand what made the cell phone companies think it was alright to give numbers out to these blood suckers, but since they did, I have had calls daily asking if I want to buy magazine subscriptions. When I actually looked at the number flashing across the screen, though, my eyes went wide with shock and quickly tried to compose myself.

"Do you know the number, love? Are you going to pick up?" Edward asked after seeing my reaction.

Of course I knew the number. I would probably always know this damn number, and hell no, I did not intend on picking it up. Why in hell would that person even be calling me and today of all days? I thought about breaking my phone, but I didn't know how to do that discreetly enough. Instead I went for a less dramatic, much more tactful approach. I shook my head and looked up at Edward with a smile plastered on my face.

"Nope. Must be a telemarketer." I turned my phone off and handed it back to him. "Just shove it back in my purse and don't worry about it."

"It's a little late for a telemarketer to be calling, especially over and over again. Thats harassment," Edward said slowly, weeding through my bullshit.

"Well, I turned it off, so they won't bug us anymore tonight." I shrugged and picked up my bouquet from a nearby table.

"Alright. You guys ready to come in yet? We're all starving in here." Edward looked mostly at Alice and Jasper while he spoke. He knew something was up with the phone, and he probably knew I was lying. Thankfully he had enough sense not to bring it up around everyone.

"Yes we are. You actually interrupted us just now," Alice said acting annoyed, but really she was just elated it was her big day. Edward just smiled back.

"Well, excuse me. I'll be at my seat holding Emmett back away from the kitchen." He kissed my lips and walked back through the door, leaving me breathless and completely dumbstruck with a frantic Alice.

"He won't really destroy the kitchen, or harass the poor kitchen staff will he?" Alice asked Rose quickly. "I've already put those poor people through the ringer. They don't need Emmett bugging them too."

"I can't promise anything if you don't get us out there quickly," Rose said, staring at me from the corner of her eyes.

Stress was building and I hoped I could just ignore this. I looked up to find Rose staring at me with her eyebrows drawn together. She saw my reaction to the phone call and knew something was up, too. Damn her for being perceptive.

"You alright?" she whispered as Alice lined us up. I nodded and she nudged me. "Are you sure? You look like you are about to have a heart attack. Who was on the phone?"

"I don't know," I lied and she knew it. She just nodded and accepted it, even though she knew I was full of it. "I'm fine, really."

The reception brought me back to normal. Alice danced with Jasper, then her dad, then Emmett and Edward insisted that she dance with them. Charlie was there. He was sitting at the table with Emmett, and Edward and Alice made the two of us dance. Neither of us enjoyed it and quickly separated and made a beeline for our seats as soon as the song ended. Carlisle and Esme were there too. They sat with their sons and my father. Charlie and Edward even seemed to be getting along really well.

Jasper made me dance with him after he danced with Alice's mother who looked flushed after getting to dance with her handsome, new son-in-law. Soon I was able to escape, hide behind, and protect Edward. The man was getting asked to dance left and right, all by women I had met at some point, and all who knew I was dating him. I stayed by his side and kissed him every time one would start walking towards him. A few still came over and instead asked Charlie to dance. He blushed crimson, but accepted.

"I love when you mark your territory." Edward smirked and kissed me again as Charlie walked away with the third woman that had asked him to dance.

Good food, good music, and Emmett's version of the chicken dance were all good ways to knock me out of my post-phone-call funk. Alice and Jasper found Emmett hilarious, as did the rest of the crowd, that is, except Rose who was blushing with embarrassment especially when Emmett grabbed her up and made her dance with him.

Edward made me dance a few times, but only to slow songs. He understood that I would personally kill him if he tried getting me out on the dance floor when a fast song was playing. Dancing and the uncoordinated don't mix.

He let me partially stand on his feet so I wouldn't look like a complete idiot dancing with him. All the women in the room stared at him, and glared at me as he spun us around the room effortlessly looking more like he was gliding. But that is just how things go when you are dating the human version of Adonis.

The cake was huge and looming in the corner. Emmett had to be pulled away from it numerous times. Apparently Alice thought he might drool on it, or something. He whined and whined, and Rose had to smack the back of his head a few times to get him to behave. When he wouldn't listen, she pretended she wasn't feeling well, which distracted Emmett for awhile. It was cruel, but affective. She had him running around like a crazy man within seconds. I personally thought Alice should let Emmet have at it. That had serious potential of being hilarious.

The reception sped up as Jasper and Alice started clawing at each other a little too openly. It grossed me out. It was like watching your siblings go at it, and what was worse, I had to sit next to them as they canoodled. Finally I talked them into cutting the damn cake so they could get out of here sooner and consummate the marriage a little more privately.

They shoved cake in each other's faces. Well Alice shoved cake in Jasper's face, and Jasper just smeared it around her lips a little before kissing it all off. She must have instructed him not to ruin her makeup. They, of course, kissed too long and passionately, causing cat calls and whistles to ring through the room. Again, I was grossed out, and this time I decided to sit with Edward, my dad, Emmett, and Rose. Usually it was Rose and Emmett I had to worry about these things with, but apparently marriage did strange things to people.

Emmett ate his cake, and spoke to Rose's belly all at the same time, explaining the difference between fondant and frosting, and how wonderfully the two combine, then moved on to the way the two combine with red velvet cake, before Rose made him stop. It was sickeningly sweet of him, but I laughed the whole time. He was just excited about being a daddy.

I caught Edward looking sad about the display at one point, but he caught me looking and quickly smiled, looking completely unaffected within seconds. He was in a strange area. On one hand he was so excited about being an uncle, on the other hand his brother was getting what Edward lost. Still he acted unaffected by it most of the time, but I knew better. He wound his arm around my waist and traced my scar again, breathing in deeply.

Charlie sat oblivious to it all. I hadn't told either of my parents about the incident, and didn't intend too. There was no need to upset them. Edward had told Esme and Carlisle when he got worried about my health, but other than them, and my friends no one else knew.

Finally, Edward and I were on our way home and we were exhausted. Alice's giant, beautiful wedding was lovely and perfect and god did she get bossy on her big day. I was pretty sure my feet were going to fall off, but I kept it to myself. Edward would insist on caring me up to the apartment, but I knew he was tired too.

When we reached the door I walked in first and pulled my shoes off the first chance I got. I stood in the entry way and let my hair down, stretching my arms above my head.

"I hope you're not too tired," Edward whispered from behind me. I looked back at him, confused, then it dawned on me, right before he had me against the wall. "I thought I mentioned you not being a lady when we got home," Edward said against the skin of my neck, as he peppered the area with kisses.

His lips dragged across the length of my neck sending shivers down my spine straight to my toes. He had me against the wall before the door had clicked shut and his tie was loosened. The whole thing woke me right up.

"I'm always a lady, Edward," I teased as I bunched the hair at the nape of his neck into my fingers and brought him closer against me.

"Smart ass," he said joining his lips to my own. I smiled against his lips before kissing him back. He hoisted me up and carried me into the kitchen, propping me up on the counter.

"Wait, you want to do it on the kitchen counter? Last time we tried that, we had to bleach it before you would let any company eat on it."

"I just needed a water bottle, but if you would like I would be more than happy to take you right here," he said nibbling my ear.

"While you were making out with me, you were thinking about how thirsty you are?" I asked incredulously. "Wow, big ego boost."

"Love, I need to hydrate if I am going to be up and active all night."

"Hmmm," I said seeing the logic of his actions now.

His lips met mine again, his need for water apparently forgotten, when the shrill sound of the phone made me jump. I looked at the portable on its receiver just a few feet away, and gave it my best glare.

Edwards hand came up and gently brought my face back to his whispering, "Leave it," before attacking me with more kisses.

He didn't have to tell me twice. The ugly noise of the phone ringing in the background was barely noticeable when Edward's lips were on my own. The answering machine kicked on halfway through getting Edward's shirt off. Apparently we were trying the counter out again. I had no objections, but he was cleaning it this time.

"Bella? Shit, I'm sorry. I know I'm not supposed to call." The voice that rang through the machine made both of us stop and stare at the machine in shock. My heart beat out of my chest and I wanted to hit the machine off the counter. My mouth was hanging open, and Edward was completely silent. "I know I shouldn't be calling, but I needed to talk to you. I tried calling your cell a bunch, but you must be busy at Alice's wedding" A brief pause, a heavy breath and some rustling sounds rang through the machine before he whispered the rest of his sentence, "or avoiding me."

"Is that who I think it is?" Edward ground out through his teeth.

I nodded and he reached out to pick the phone up. I stopped him, holding on firmly to his hand and shushing him while I waited, and listened. Something was off. Something was _wrong_.

"Charlie is there with you, but the guy doesn't have a cell phone. I need to talk to him and I want, no I _need_ to talk to you, Bella." The voice broke and cracked before continuing. "Bella, my dad, he —" The voice broke off as a sob racked through the speakers and before I knew what I was doing, I picked up the phone and held it to my ear.

"Jake?"

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**(A.N. Picture of the wedding cake is on the profile so check it out after you REVIEW! THANKS!!!!)**


	13. Wet Sand

**(A.N. So, I don't think that this wait was super long, but maybe it was…**

**Anyways, if you would be so kind as to review it would be a great B-Day present. Although my birthday isn't quite here (May 24th**** people; mark your calendars) it is my grandpa's birthday today, the 16****th****. You know what would be a great BISRTHDAY PRESENT!? REVIEWS!!!! I promise to get you a new chapter out with in seven days if you guys review the hell out of this thing! Promise! **

**Either way, I love the reviews I'm getting, and I wanted to give thanks to a reviewer Belward who informed me of some stuff she found on another story. THANKS AGAIN!!! Thanks to my BETA also. She make my cheeks hurt from smiling. So, remember! Happy birthday to me with a review, and you will get your own present! A NEW CHAPTER! SEVEN DAYS!(drops voice eerily and waves hands all creepy like.) Thanks! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters!**

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"_Jake?" _

"Bells?" he answered back sounding hopeful. It was a false hope but I didn't say anything against it. I wanted to know what was wrong, and why he was calling me. "I'm so glad you picked up."

"Yeah, don't worry about it, Jake. What's going on?" I waved Edward off as he glared at the phone in my hand with such disdain it made me cringe. He had to understand. He heard how distraught and pained Jake sounded. He would understand why I had to talk to him. "What happened to Billy?"

Jakes breath whooshed out of him into the phone when I said his father's name, apparently bringing him back to reality. "He had a heart attack a few hours ago." My breathing hitched and my heart clamped tightly into itself. I wasn't very close with Billy, but I have known him long enough that the news hit me like a kick in the chest. "He d-died an hour ago."

The room spun and Edward had to catch me as I slipped from the counter. Billy died. Charlie would be devastated, Jake must be beside himself. I needed to pull it together. Edward swiped my face with one hand while his arm was wrapped around my waist keeping me steady. Always my protector even when I am speaking with my ex who has caused nothing but problems in our relationship.

"Jake, I'm so sorry," I finally choked out as tears streamed down my face. Edward tried to keep them at bay, both brushing and kissing away the moisture falling rapidly from my eyes. I took comfort from his efforts, all the while trying not to pay to close attention to him while speaking with Jake. Edward stayed quiet the whole time. "God, Jake. I'm so, _so _sorry. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. No, no I'm not. Shit, Bells, I don't know," he said quickly, his tone showing his confusion and distress.

"I understand. This is tough," I whispered the words and hoped he could hear them.

"I didn't know who else to call. Charlie needed to know, but like I said he doesn't have a cell phone. I needed to talk to you. You calm me down, and I'm freaking out. There are holes all over the house from me punching through the dry wall. I just didn't know who else to call."

"I'm glad you called," I sighed out shaking my head in an attempt to calm my emotions. Edward looked at me, his eyebrows drew together at my statement. "What can I do? Did you want me to get a hold of Charlie?"

"Yeah. Maybe. I don't know," he sounded confused and distraught and I didn't blame him. If Charlie were to die I would be devastated. "I don't know if you should tell him, or if I should. I don't know if there is a better way to tell someone their best friend is gone."

Another rush of tears fell from my eyes as I thought about Charlie finding out. He just had a night of dancing with women, celebrating his adoptive daughter by all intents and purpose's marriage, and now his night would be shattered at the loss of his best friend who he has known for years.

"Bella, love, is everything alright? Please tell me what's going on," Edward sighed again, trying to wipe away the tears. "Come sit down, at least."

"Is that Edward?" Jake asked sounding unpleasant like he was speaking through clenched teeth, even through his light crying. "Is he right there _listening_?"

"_No, _Jake, he is helping me compose myself. So yes, he is right here but he certainly isn't listening," I explained and sat in the chair Edward had guided me to. I heard Edward sigh, exasperated and caught him rolling his eyes. Apparently he understood why I had to explain myself to Jake. "He just wants to know why I'm upset. That's all."

"_Well, it's none of his damn business_!" Jake said loudly making Edward head snap up and glare at the phone. He grabbed it from me when I winced and held it away from my ear and I scrambled in an attempt to get it back.

"Jacob," Edward greeted dryly. "I don't know what's going on, or why Bella is sitting here crying all of a sudden, but I will have to ask you to lower your voice and speak more civilly towards her."

"Give the phone back to her." I could hear Jake ground out the order.

Edward just sighed and stared at me, as if asking me what I wanted him to do. He was being protective and obviously holding back a lot by speaking so evenly to Jake. He knew something was wrong. It was obvious and I was glad he wasn't making things worse by acting like Jake. I nodded and held my hand out smiling weakly at Edward mouthing my thank you.

"Jake, you have to calm down or I will hang up. Edward was just wondering what was going on."

"He should keep his nose out of things that aren't his business," Jake mumbled angrily. I knew Jake didn't handle stress well, and that his heightened anger was a part of that, but it still irked me when he spoke about Edward that way even under the current circumstances. "Can't you go in another room while we talk?"

"Jake, you listen to me. I am sorry that Billy has passed and I promise that I will talk to you and help you anyway possible, but that does not give you the right to speak about Edward that way. He is in his own home, _our _home, trying to help me, his _girlfriend_. You called _here_. He has every right to be with me right now and his presence is helping me stay calm so either cool it or hang up."

Edward's face was contorted and his grimace only worsened when he heard about Billy's passing. Edward hadn't ever met him, but he has heard about him from the many stories I had told from living in and visiting forks not to mention Charlie's tails of fishing the day away with Billy. He handed me a glass of water and kneeled in front of me.

"Bella, I'm going to go sit in the living room, alright?" Edward said slowly with a heavy breath. He didn't like leaving me alone to talk to my ex, and I didn't blame him. I didn't necessarily like the thought of being left alone to talk to my ex. I hoped Jake would forget about his unplaced feelings for me at least for tonight. "If you need me just say my name or come get me." He kissed me, whispering a quick, "I love you," before standing and walking out of the kitchen.

"Is he gone yet?" Jake asked bitterly having heard everything Edward had said.

"Yes, Jake, now get over it."

"Well, Jesus, Bells, that speech was so damn lame. He is just trying to play the good guy right now."

"Your father just died, yet you are stuck on my boyfriend being in the room with me in our own home. Get back on track here so you can talk to me." I was tired of lecturing and of Jakes prejudices. I was just tired in general. My feet hurt from wearing heals all night, it was late, and now I was having an emotional overload.

"Sorry. The guy just really irks me," he sighed and began talking to me about his day and the moments leading up to Billy's heart attack.

He explained in vivid detail how Billy fell from his wheelchair and walking in to finding him laying on the floor nearly dead. He cried as he explained taking him to the hospital, carrying him through the doors and finally the moment the doctors came out and told him Billy was gone. It was horrible and a few sobs wracked through me as he spoke. Edward peeked into the kitchen a few times when I cried too loudly to make sure I was alright but left the room without argument when I motioned that I was fine.

It was late when Jake finally got off the phone with me. We decided that I would tell Charlie the next day when he came over for breakfast. There was no need to call and wake him tonight. I dreaded telling him but in the end thought it would be best to hear it from me.

"Thanks for talking to me, Bella," Jake whispered tiredly. "It's just so fresh. Everything is so vivid in my mind and Embry and Quill don't calm me like you do. I didn't know who else to call."

"I'm glad I could help." And I was, but I hoped he would get over this need to talk to me when things stress or hurt him in life. I doubted I could do this every time life through a curve ball his way. "I'll call you tomorrow, Jake."

"Love you, Bells." I didn't answer, instead opting to just hang up and staring at the phone as fresh tears fell from my eyes.

Edward offered to cook breakfast the next morning while I took to busying myself with making fresh orange juice. I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before worrying about how Charlie would take this. If it were me I would be devastated.

I had heavy bags forming under my eyes, while my eyes maintained a puffy, red look from crying on and off through the night. I wasn't quite sure why Billy's death was hitting me so hard. Of course I loved and respected Billy, but you could never call us close. I hung out at his house while Jacob and I dated and awhile before that, but we never had extensive conversation or anything.

"It will work out, love," Edward said finally, after I sighed for the tenth time. Not only the thought of Billy's death was weighing me down, but the worry for Charlie and Jake was starting to take its toll. "It will be good that you are here to help him get things figured out."

I just nodded and sat down, waiting for Charlie to get here so I could shatter his good time, and shorten his trip. The thought made another sigh escape my lips and anger floor through me.

"Damn it." I threw the juiced half of an orange I was holding roughly into the sink, where it splattered with force. Edward's hand came out of nowhere, grabbing a hold of mine and pulling me to him. He wrapped me in the hug he gave me that always made me feel batter. Warm, tight, forceful, and filled with care. It was like we were a united front at that moment, like he was there melded with me to walk me though any challenge.

"Love, you have to stay calm when you tell, Charlie. He will be broken enough without worrying about you. Just keep it together until then. Okay?" I nodded and took a deep breath.

"I don't want to be the one to tell him," I sniffled out against his chest. "This is going to hurt him so much."

"I know." Edward whispered against my hair just as the doorbell rang. He held my shoulders, holding me away from him. He kissed my forehead and said, "Brave, Bella," before letting me go answer the door.

When I answered the door, Charlie's giant smile made me break back down into tears. I was horrible at this. His shock and horror stopped him from comforting me, instead he got anxious and stormed in accusing Edward of hurting me. If the situation were different, his reaction would be comical, and slightly annoying, but as it was it just made me all the sadder. Edward of course acted like a gentlemen when Charlie stormed in, demanding to know what he did to his daughter.

"I think you should have a seat, Charlie," Edward said simply, to a fuming Charlie. Charlie glared at Edward all the more intensely as I stood behind them trying to find my voice. Charlie made no move to sit, and Edward didn't flinch away from my father's intense glare, instead his expression just looked sad.

"Dad, sit. I need to talk to you," I finally said and Charlie looked back at me, concern marring his wrinkled face. Finally he nodded once, and sat down quietly.

"What's going on Bella?" he asked, his eyebrows pulled together. My heart rate sped and I took a deep breath trying to prepare myself. "Bella, honestly. I am over here sweating bullets wondering what the hell is going on. Please tell me. Are you hurt?"

"No. I'm fine." I started then cut off as I sat down in the stool next to his and turned towards him. I grabbed his hand and swallowed back the lump reforming in my throat. "Dad, I have bad news."

"Spit it out, Bella," Charlie said in frustration.

"Jake called last night," I said leading into it. Charlie face contorted, looking more confused now. He glared up at Edward, apparently thinking, again, that he had something to do with my distress. "Billy had a heart attack last night." His head snapped back, eyes wide as he stared at me in shock. I squeezed his hand in comfort and my lip quivered as I held back the tears. "He died, dad. Billy is gone."

Charlie didn't say anything. He just stared at me, a look of total shock creasing his face, making him look years older than he actually was. I saw his jaw flexing, his eyes growing watery, and felt his own grip tighten around my hand. He swallowed hard and stood abruptly.

"Excuse me a moment," he said, sounding more formal then I had ever heard him.

"Dad, wait. Are you okay?" I reached out and grabbed his hand back.

"Yeah, I guess. Just give me a minute, Bells. Don't worry. I just need a minute." His voice was becoming more strained so I let his hand go reluctantly and he made his way back to the bathroom.

"I'm horrible." I grumbled and buried my head in my arms. "He's devastated."

"You didn't do anything," Edward sighed rubbing my back gently. "If anything you made this easier for him. Its hard having to hear that your best friend for years has passed, but having you here with him I'm sure is helpful."

"Should I go talk to him?" I asked peeking down the hall. "Should I check on him, make sure he's alright?""I would let him have a moment to himself," Edward said lifting my chin so I was looking at him. "He's a man, Bella. We don't like breaking down in front of people. He just needs to compose himself."

"This sucks," I spat, sounding immature and defiant. I didn't like the thought of my dad breaking down in my bathroom because of something I told him. "I hate this!"

Edward didn't say anything, instead just he nodded and sat next to me. He grabbed my hand and held it tightly, smoothing his thumb over the back of it.

When Charlie reappeared twenty minutes later his eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and his receding hair line was damp like he had splashed his face with water, but otherwise he looked okay. His voice was a little scratchy as he told me he was okay when I looked up at him. He sat next to me, sniffing in once.

"I'm sorry, guys. I know you cooked breakfast for us, but my appetite has disappeared," he said staring at the counter.

He looked ashamed, embarrassed, but he shouldn't have. I rubbed his back and gave him a nod of understanding. To be honest I wasn't all that hungry either. Thankfully, we were prepared for this. Edward had made foods that weren't very filling.

"I understand, Dad, but you should eat something. Even just a little." I grabbed the plate Edward brought over and set it in front of my dad. "Edward is a great cook. At least, he's great at cooking breakfast food otherwise he is about as good a cook as you are." I attempted a joke, and Charlie gave me a small smile for my efforts.

"Thanks, Bells," Charlie said giving me a sincere smile before looking up at Edward and nodding. "You too, Edward. Sorry I jumped all over you earlier. I shouldn't have been jumping to conclusions."

"Don't worry about it," Edward said as he sat down on the other side of me. "I understand completely."

I grabbed Edwards hand under the breakfast bar and squeezed it in thanks. He was my main support right now so that I could help Charlie. Charlie was the one who was really hurting right now. He and Jake would probably grow closer through this, and maybe that was a good thing.

Charlie barely touched his food, not matter how much I tried to coax him. He didn't really say much, instead he just stared down at his omelet, poking pieces of it around his plate. His forehead stayed in a constant crease and his eyes stayed glues to his barely eaten food.

"I should call Jake. He probably isn't doing so great," Charlie said, abruptly setting his fork down.

"Yeah, he was pretty upset when I spoke with him. He sounded really torn up," I commented, agreeing. "You can use our phone."

As much as I wanted to be there for Jake, I didn't know if could. Last night he made it very clear that his emotions for me hadn't gone back to simply platonic even in the midst of his father's death. I didn't know how understanding Edward could be of something like that. Charlie was Jake's best bet as a person to lean on in this hard time. They needed to help each other and I would try to help where I could.

"Thanks, Bells. It's real nice that you talked to him last night." Charlie stood and patted my shoulder as he walked by and grabbed the phone from its holder. He started dialing as he left the room for privacy.

"I wonder if Jake is taking care of everything?" I wondered aloud, as I turned back to my food. "He was never one to take a huge amount of responsibility onto himself. I don't know if he will think about it hurt the way he is."

"I'm sure he is figuring everything out," Edward said, but his voice didn't sound quite right. I looked up at him, but he was staring down at his food.

"Are you all right?"

His head popped up and he smiled at me. "Yeah. I'm just battling with myself right now."

"Battling with yourself?" I asked, turning my body towards him and grabbing his face between my hands. "What's up, Edward?"

"I know being jealous over you speaking with your ex in this situation is silly and stupid, but I still hate it."

"There is absolutely nothing to be jealous of," I sighed out, feeling like the ultimate shitty girlfriend. "I am yours. Only yours."

"Jealous is the wrong word, I suppose. I don't worry that you will leave me for him. I don't really know why it bothers me. I just don't like it."

"I can understand that." And I really could. I certainly wouldn't be skipping around singing show tunes if Edward were to start talking to Tanya. I should be more conscious of Edward's feeling about this. Until now I hadn't really thought of it. "You know I haven't really spoken to him for almost a year before last night, right?"

"Please don't worry about it, Bella. I am being idiotic right now. You are more than welcome to speak to whoever you like, right now especially. I don't like Jake, _at all_, but I can understand why he needs someone to talk to right now and what's more than that, I understand why he wants to talk to you."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, you have this way of calming my nerves with just a touch. Talking things out with you makes me feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders whenever something is bugging me. Jake needs someone to talk to him while he deals with his difficult time and you are a prime candidate."

"How are you such a nice person?" I asked in wonder which made Edward smirk.

"It also helps that the asshole is very obviously and openly still in love with you, which leads to my ultimate displeasure with the situation." He drew in a deep breath and let it out.

"You shouldn't cuss. It sounds weird."

"Well, the moment calls for it. It's rude, but I could call Jake many different curse words and mean every minute of it." He smirked at me, winking. "I'm not that nice." I rolled my eyes and was about to say something, but Charlie cut me off.

"Yeah, Jake. I'll be back in town tonight," he said sitting next to me, talking into the phone. "Here she is." He looked at me with a weak smile and held the phone out to me. I stared at it in confusion. "He wants to talk to you, Bells. Be nice. He said you really helped him calm down last night."

I took a deep breath and grabbed the phone. "Thanks, Dad."

His hand reached up and ruffled my hair as he stood again. It made me feel like I was five again. "I'm going to go back to the hotel and get my stuff so I can head back into town. I'll come by before I leave."

I nodded and held the phone to my ear. "Hey, Jake. How are you doing today? Any better?" I watched as Charlie tried taking his dishes to the sink, only to have Edward stop him. He only tried arguing it for a few moments before giving in and handing over the plate. They shook hands, and Charlie left.

"I think I'm in like a numb stage. It doesn't seem real yet so I've been alright today. Talking to you really helped last night, Bells. Thanks."

"Don't worry about it." I took another bite of my omelet as Edward started to lift it away. He paused and smirked at me. I put the fork back on the plate and nodded that he could take it. His light chuckle sounded through the kitchen contradicting the mood of the phone call, but other than that he kept quiet. "Is Charlie going to be helping make arrangements?"

"Yeah. I have been working on getting the funeral together. It will be down here on the reservation. It's gonna be a traditional Indian funeral, so no church."

"Wow," I said in shock. "I'm impressed, Jake. I was sure I would have to hound you and Charlie to get things taken care of."

"Maybe I should have waited, then. It might have been nice having you calling all the time, harassing me. It would have been a nice distraction. I've missed talking to you every day. Remember how inseparable we used to be?"

"Jake," I warned. I didn't mention that I wouldn't have called him, only Charlie. I wanted to help Jake, but I didn't necessarily want to speak with him every day, and I certainly didn't want things to go back to the way they used to be.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be good." He let out a sigh and cleared his throat before continuing. "The funeral is in a week. Are you going to come down for it?"

I hadn't really thought about that, but I suppose I should. I knew Billy since I was a baby, and invaded his home for the last two years of high school with Jake. I owed it to him to say my farewell.

"Yeah, I'll be there," I said and stood from my seat. I downed my orange juice and started walking it over to the sink. "I'll talk to you soon, Jake. I have to help Edward with some dishes. Call if you need anything."

"Dishes? Really? Are you sure you aren't just getting off the phone with me because Edward is self-conscious having his girlfriend talking to her handsome ex?" I rolled my eyes and heard a small groan-slash-growl escape my throat eliciting a light chuckle from the other end of the phone. At least he was feeling a little better, although he had said it was so fresh he barely believed what was going on. Maybe that was a good thing for right now, at least until Charlie got back into Forks to calm Jake when it really hit him. "Alright. I'll talk to you soon. Bye, Bells."

I hung up the phone and turned to look at Edward. I faked a smile and went back to dishes, but I could see the inner dilemma going on in his mind. He hated this, and I was going to have to make him even more uncomfortable.

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**(A.N. REMEMBER! You will get a new chapter in seven days if you review this chapter like crazy. Thanks!)**


	14. Desecration Smile

**(A.N. Seven days exactly! Promise kept! Now, to keep this promise I had to post this without my wonderful BETA looking it over first. I just finished it yesterday but I will repost it when it is prettied up too and I promise it will be much prettier after she takes a look at it.**

**Happy birthday to me, and my aunt and more importantly HAPPY BIRTHDAY to essence-of-elle! Oh and Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY to hello-kiddlywinks father. May 24****th**** seems to be a popular day to be born and if anyone out there who reads this shares this birthday then happy birthday to you too! Also my brother just graduated from college Friday night so say congrats in your review so I can show him and make him blush. **

**I have big ideas for the next chapter, but it won't be posted as quickly simply because I have to post for my other story as well. But the reviews I got for the last chapter were incredible and I promise to get the next chapter out within two weeks if you guys keep it up. I will post anyways, probably, but I would still appreciate the reviews. Playlist has more songs! Thanks so much you guys! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters!**

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"Your coming down for the funeral, aren't you?" Charlie had already left town after coming by for one last goodbye. I made him promise to call when he got home. Something about seeing your father cry at the loss of his best friend really hit's a girl. When Charlie left my house with his eyes rimmed in red I was a mess. I had been worried until he called me. "It's this weekend. Can you make it?"

I sighed and stared at the closed bathroom door where Edward was taking a shower from my place on the bed, my book laid out in front of me as I sat Indian style reading it. I had the phone positioned right next to my book to make sure I didn't miss Charlie's call.

"Yeah. It's only right that I come."

"Alright, then what about Edward?" I sighed again, not wanting to hear what I already knew, but that just drove Charlie on. "I have nothing against Edward, Bells. I like him as much as a father can like his only daughter's live in boyfriend, but Edward and Jake butt heads every time they are around each other."

"How would you know that dad? You haven't ever been around the two of them together." I kept my voice down and tried not to get to defensive. I knew what he was trying to say, in fact, I had already made the decision myself.

"This is a small town, and Jake might have mentioned his and Edward's issues. He really doesn't like the guy Bella." He drew in a heavy breath and let it out into the phone. "I understand that having you talking to your ex boyfriend might be hard, but Bella, Jake doesn't need the stress while he's mourning the loss of his father."

"Edward isn't even the one who starts all this. Jake has always been the main issue."

"I have no doubts about that." Charlie's said, sounding tired. "Jake is a passionate guy and he told me he still cares for you. Now I'm not saying you should go back with him. He hurt you, I know, but cutting him out of your life the way you did wasn't right, Bells. You have known him too long to do that."

"I am not discussing that with you, dad." I said through my teeth. "Jake is the reason I don't call. He doesn't respect my relationship with Edward, and he doesn't pretend to. I will be there for him as much as I can right now, but after this I don't intend on meeting up for weekly updates."

"A call here and there to see if everything is okay is all I would suggest. Edward can handle that, can't he?" I stayed quiet, not wanting to argue this with my father. It wasn't his call, and as much as I understood that he was only looking out for his lost friend's son I wasn't about to give in. "I don't care who you talk to after the funeral, but I am asking that Edward stays home for this visit. I'm sorry if that riles you up, but it just wouldn't be right."

I took a deep breath and blew it back out through my nose. "Alright, dad. I'll call you tomorrow to make sure everything is still okay."

"Thanks Bells, but it's not necessary. I'm not about to go fling myself off a cliff or anything, I'm just hurtin."

I hung up as the bathroom door opened, producing billowing clouds of steam which rolled out before Edward came into view, clad in only a towel. He smiled at me when he saw that I was looking at him and ran his hand back and forth through his hair, sending water droplets flying all around him.

"How's your father?" He asked holding his towel up with one hand and walking over to the dresser. "Did he make it home alright?"

"Yeah, he's fine." I sighed and laid back onto the bed. "Sorry for being such a pain earlier. I had to be grating on your last nerve."

"No, you weren't." He said smiling and dropping his towel before sliding on his boxer-briefs. I caught the last glimpse of his bum while I could, he noticed "I saw that."

"I wasn't trying to hide it." I smiled and stared blatantly at his rear again. Even covered it still looked wonderful. "I guess Billy's funeral is this weekend."

He didn't look back at me as he pulled a shirt over his head and grabbed his book from atop the dresser. "That's quick. Can you get the time off work?"

"Yeah, that won't be a problem. I have time saved up." I said, being a coward I looked away from him and down at my book where my fingers played nervously with the edge. "I'm going to drive up Friday I think, come back Monday evening."

After three heartbeats of silence I looked up and over at him. He was standing there staring into the dresser, only his profile visible to me. His jaw was tense and his eyes unblinking.

"Edward?"

He looked back at me all traces of happy Edward gone. He wasn't angry, or hurt, and sad didn't describe his look either. He just seemed uncomfortable.

Of course he was uncomfortable. The whole situation sucked! On one hand Edward would want to do the right thing. A death in a family, especially something like the premature death of a father was a big deal and it wasn't just Jake involved. Charlie I'm sure was Edward's main push for me to go to Forks. He would try to play the good guy role, while me being around Jake would be eating him alive. It was a lose, lose. Either Edward would be hurt and worried, or Charlie would be disappointed, confused and probably form a new dislike for Edward.

"You're going alone, aren't you?" He sighed, nodding his head in defeat.

"Charlie thinks that it wouldn't be right for you to attend the funeral, with how unfriendly you and Jake are. I guess I kind of agree." I sighed out, trying to let him know through the sound of my voice exactly how much I hated the idea of going without him. "Not that it's your fault! Jake is the real jerk most of the time."

"Can't I just drive up with you, and not go to the funeral." He asked, his eyebrows pulled together in desperation.

"The rest of my time in Forks will be spent helping Charlie and Jake getting things ready, otherwise I would love you to come."

"I don't like it." He leaned back against the dresser and stared at the wood flooring. His head shook back and forth but he didn't look up. "I hate it."

"Please try to understand. I want you to go, for my own support and comfort, but it's not about me this time. It was Jake's father. As much as I hate it, it wouldn't be fair to parade our relationship around in front of him right now."

"I hardly consider it parading our relationship."

"You know what I mean." I huffed and crossed my arms. "It just wouldn't be fair to add unneeded stress to the equation. Jake gets really out of control when dealing with emotions. He would never hit me or Charlie, obviously, but if you were around he might actually hit you. I would have to take him down if he did that, Edward. I would kill that overgrown jerk if he so much as touched you."

He looked up at me and walked over to the bed, kissing me lightly, a small smile of light amusement gracing his features. "I understand, and agree to an extent, but I hate the thought of you talking to the guy Bella. I hate it when I am standing there with you knowing that jerk is talking to you on the phone, or when I left the room the other night, I hated it. I trust you Bella, but I don't trust him and that fear is going to fester in my mind all the more knowing you two aren't just speaking over the phone, but in person with me four hours away."

"I understand that."

He shook his head and smiled, but he wasn't happy. "You don't fully get it. I know you understand, and you sympathize, but you can't empathize." He laid back on the bed and blew out his breath, heavy and long. "Knowing you two are going to be together all weekend while I don't have you near is going to kill me. I'm not trying to get sympathy, honestly, but I wouldn't put it past him to try something."

"I wouldn't let that happen Edward. I have no interest in anyone besides you. Least of all Jake."

"I know, and I love you for that, but the thought of him trying something makes my blood boil."

"And that anger you have towards him will only amplify when you're around him. His father's funeral isn't the place for that."

"I get that, but it doesn't change how I feel. I don't presume to think I am welcome at the funeral, in fact it was silly of me to think I would attend with you. It makes sense."

His eyes fell to his hands which were busy pulling at a loose thread on the bed cover. He was hurting, and I hated it. I shouldn't have even considered the stupid idea. Edward was never one to show how upset he was about this kind of thing, so his reaction to this only showed exactly how much he hated this situation.

"I won't go." I said finally. He drew his eyebrows together and stared at me incredulously. I stared back, unblinking and completely serious. If this is what I had to do to make Edward feel comfortable, then this is what I would do. "Seriously. I can pay my respects however I choose, and I don't need a funeral. Dad and Jake can handle things without my help. I shouldn't take time off of work anyways, and leaving you here, not seeing you for a few days, well that doesn't sound even slightly appealing."

His crooked smile appeared and I instantly felt better. He grabbed my hand and pulled me too him, until my whole body was resting on his. He brought his hand up and brushed my hair from my eyes, his lovely green orbs never looking away from me.

"You're going, and I'm staying." I started to protest, but he held his fingers to my lips. "Shh, Bella. Listen. I won't like it, but it's the right thing for you to do. You would beat yourself up about it for weeks if you didn't go, and I won't have that. I trust you, Bella."

"I don't have to go." I whispered against his fingers.

"Yes, you do. I'll be fine, if not cold at night without you. Besides, what better night then when your out of town to have all my other girlfriends over."

I snorted at that, and rolled my eyes. "Other girlfriends, huh? And how many other girlfriends do you have, exactly?"

"Oh, about fifty. Just a few, you know."

"And you are going to try and fit fifty women in this apartment. Good luck with that."

"I love you." He smiled at me and it looked genuine. It was a trick, of course. He wasn't really happy with this, but he was doing the right thing in his mind, and that was important to him.

"I love you too. More than all your other girlfriends combined." I promised, and I reveled at the small laugh that escaped his lips. It was so close to being real that I could almost pretend that it was.

"I love only you." He clarified and with that I kissed him. The bad part was over and tonight I wouldn't think about it anymore. Edward would get my full attention and I would make sure he knew exactly how much I loved him and only him.

_______

Edward was sitting on the bed watching me pack, all the while trying to make small talk. He wasn't happy, and that was completely obvious. I made myself want to hurl with each stupid shirt I folded into my bag.

He was being a perfect gentleman about everything, and way too understanding. Everything was 'I understand, completely' and 'I'm alright.'

It was a lie, but of course Edward wouldn't ever admit to that. He didn't want me worrying, but his efforts were all for nothing. I was worrying enough for the both of us and it was all about how he was taking things. He was actually starting to get worried about me for worrying about him. It was a vicious circle.

"Love, it's just a few days." Another round of him trying to comfort me. "I promise it won't be too bad. There's this incredible invention called the telephone. You'll never believe this, but, it lets people talk over wide distances through a tiny receiver."

I sighed and glared at him. I tried to hide the little smile pulling at my lips as I lobbed a neatly folded t-shirt at him from my bag. "You know being a smart-ass doesn't help."

"It might. Maybe if I am enough of a smart-ass you will quit worrying about me, and have a decent trip."

"This trip is going to suck regardless. I am going to a funeral, my boyfriend isn't allowed to come with me, and I have to be around my ex who makes me uncomfortable." I sighed and caught the shirt he tossed back to me. "You should throw me a pity party."

"You are being pretty pitiful." His crooked smile appeared and I appreciated him so much more. He was good at this 'making me feel better thing' without letting me be pathetic and stupid. He let me whine, but not without a little teasing.

I stood up and walked over to where he was sitting on the edge of the bed and straddled him, wrapping my arms tightly around him. He hugged me back and for that moment I felt like all the weight from the stress was taken away.

"You know the worst part about this is having to be away from you? Four days may not seem long, but it's going to drag out for me."

"Me too, love." Edward sighed against my neck and planted a soft trail of kisses across my shoulder. "But as you said, four days isn't long. I promise you'll survive."

"How about you? Are you going to survive? I promise I won't think you are really pathetic if you say you won't be able to. In fact that might even work in your favor." I smiled wryly at him and wiggled my hips, eliciting a groan to escape his throat. I smiled triumphantly and hoped he would take this opportunity to take my mind completely off of things.

"I probably wont make it through the night." He said huskily, staring at my lips. "Maybe I should follow you to Forks without you actually knowing I'm doing it."

"Missing me is sexy." I giggled. "Stalking me, not so much."

"Shoot, and I thought stalking was the epitome of all things sexy." He teased and smiled at me, grabbed my hips and turned us so my back was on the bed, laying his hands on either side of my head and hovering over me.

"Now that was sexy." I said happily, liking that this was going the way I hoped. He just smiled.

"In all seriousness, love, I will miss you but you need to not worry about me anymore. I'm a big boy and can handle four days alone, even if it won't be fun."

"I have no doubt you can handle four days of me gone." I sighed and propped myself up onto my elbows as Edward shimmied over and laid on his side next to me. "You only have to worry about missing me, where as I have to be away from you. You are much more missable than I am."

"Missable?"

"It's a word!" I defended weakly. "At least, now it is. I'll even add it to the back of the dictionary for you."

"I don't really think that blank page was meant for personal additions." He chuckled. "Besides it's getting kind of filled from all your other additions."

"I'll just stick it in there on a sticky note if I can't find room." I said laying back on the bed heavily. "That page has great words for scrabble. You score serious points with a lot of those words."

"I don't think anyone else will let you use those words, other than me of course."

"And that's why I'm going to miss you." I said lifting my hands in the air in a dramatic gesture for emphasis. "Who am I supposed to play scrabble with this weekend? WHO!?"

"We haven't played scrabble for over a month, Bella." Edward sighed out, trying to sound exasperated, but I heard the laughter hidden in the sigh. "You refused to play since I won the last time."

"You cheated."

"Hardly."

"You shouldn't be allowed to use the triple word score when you're spelling out a word with letters like Z, and W and then using all of your letters on top of that! That's a fifty point bonus right there, for craps sake!"

"I still don't see how it is cheating."

"Well, you wouldn't." I said inspecting my nails. "You're Mr. Know It All, and those kind of big words just fly from your mouth without any thought in everyday conversation. The rest of us have to study a dictionary to know those kind of words. It's like trying to play chess with Jasper. The attempt is futile. I know I'm going to lose unless I am given leeway."

"I'm going to miss you." I looked over at him sharply, expecting a smirk that would prove his statement to be sarcastic. It wasn't there. "We can play scrabble tonight if you want. I won't use anything larger than a four letter word."

"No, you can still get big points with those words. Besides it's not as much fun to win if I know you're letting me win." I rested my hand against his stubbly cheek and smiled. "You have to be more discreet about these things, honey."

"You have never called me honey before."

"Yeah, I thought I would try it." I shrugged and sat up. "It just doesn't work for me." I glared at the half filled bag on the floor and growled. "I hate this."

"I thought I had you distracted." Edward sat up next to me and pulled me into his side. "I even got you to smile."

"You did a good job, I just am being annoyingly pitiful." I breathed in deeply, and hopped up to finish packing. Putting it off to the last minute would only stress me more. I grabbed a handful of panties from my panty drawer and shoved them in my bag. "Now, when I am done packing you are going to distract me in a very different way than you just did. I want to be really tired tomorrow, understand?"

The smirk reappeared and his eyebrow cocked. "Anything you want, honey."

I rolled my eyes, grumbled an explicative and continued packing for my weekend of tearful goodbyes and missing my main support system all the while spending too much time with the one person who had the power to push Edward over the edge and break us apart.

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**(A.N. Review, Please. Wish essence-of-elle a happy birthday. THANKS!!!!)**


	15. Road Trippin'

**(A.N. I have no excuse for how long this took other then writers block. I knew what I wanted to write, and what I wanted to have happen it just wasn't transferring to paper as well as I wanted it to. I'm sorry again. I will try to improve.**

**A lot of people are asking what Jacob did, and where he came in the story so I thought I would do a quick recap. He appeared about three times in Coffee Makes the Heart Grow Fonder in four separate chapters; 23, 24, 32, 33. He comes and goes professing his love and mucking up things just like normal Jake. Since the first story Bella has cut off ties with him both to save her sanity and to keep her and Edward's relationship intact. **

**I hope that is explanation enough. I'm sorry I haven't written back your reviews. I mean to, but life calls and I have to answer. It sucks and I'm sorry but please know I really, truly appreciate every single one. Thank you! There will be a new song on the play list, so check that out. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters. **

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"Absolutely not." I stared at Edward in frustration as he spoke. My senses were warring with each other. His attitude made me want to kick his shins ever so lightly, but that pretty face made me want to throw myself at him. Even while it was set in hard lines and furrowed brows.

He held my bags in one hand, and had his other hand firmly placed over the door of the driver's side making it impossible to open. I yanked on the handle again, giving a small grunt in both frustration and exertion, but it was useless. The man was too strong for his own good.

"I can just get in on the other side, you know?" I said cocking my eyebrow in challenge, though I knew the man could outrun me any day without breaking a sweat.

"And I can just pull you right back out," he said, his voice never wavering and completely final. I had had a feeling he would fight me, taking my truck to Forks. I _hadn't _realized that he would physically prevent it. Though part of me liked the idea of him pulling me from a car. "You'll take the Volvo. Period."

"No, I won't," I said finally. "I love my truck, and who knows how much longer I have with it? Besides there is no way I am leaving you alone with my poor truck. You will probably bring some kind of ratchet down here while I'm gone, and break my baby, then run off and buy me a new car before I get a chance to complain about it."

"Wonderful idea." His smirk appeared showing me that he was truly amused by our conversation. "Now if you could quit being so stubborn about all this I could get on that."

"I am already running late, Edward. You are putting me miles behind schedule."

"I don't like you driving this hunk of rust that far by yourself," he sighed out, exasperated, amusement gone. "What if it breaks down?"

"Then I can call for help."

"What if you don't have reception where you're at?"

"Then it will probably be like a horror movie!" I said throwing my hands in the air like a child. "I can see it all now . . . I will be sitting alone in my truck, shivering, as it pours down rain outside, then along will come a hiker offering his help, and a provocative stare. Sure, he creeps me out, and he has that machete in his hands, but there isn't anyone else for miles, so I walk with him into the dark forest, because apparently there is a gas station right over this little hill."

"Would you stop?"

"But I didn't get to the best part."

"Love, please."

"No, Edward. I am taking my truck. I love you, and I will miss you every second I'm gone, but I am _not _taking your precious car."

He sighed and threw my bags in the bed of the truck looking defeated. I smiled triumphantly as I opened the now free door, before jumping in and hugging the steering wheel.

"It's just you and me, baby. One hundred and fifty miles and four hours on the open road." I patted the top of it happily. "Oh, the things we will see. That hitchhiker, for instance. Oh, that reminds me. Maybe you should put my bags in the front, since I am supposed to break down in the rain. That way there will at least be dry clothes when they discover my empty truck."

"You are so funny, Miss Swan," Edward said, voice dripping with sarcasm before leaning in and kissing me. "Be safe please. If you stop for gas and have time, call me. Call when you get there. I'll be waiting."

"'Kay. Love you."

"As I love you. Drive safe. I am rather attached to the cargo."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll buckle my clothes up."

He rolled his eyes, gave me one last lingering kiss and closed the door sending me off to Forks.

___________________

I pulled up to the house I spent my last two years of high school in, exactly four hours and twenty minutes later, feeling stir crazy. I jumped out of the cab happily and stretched my arms above my head. Grabbing my phone, I dialed Edward's number, and held the phone to my ear as I yawn escaped.

"Tired?"

"Yeah. The walk through the woods, plus the running when the machete guys tried killing me wore me out."

"At least you escaped," he said sounding only slightly amused. "So you made it in one piece?"

"Seems that way." I arched my back and groaned. "I will probably have to see a chiropractor when I get back, but other than that, I'm completely unscathed. That is, other than this ache resounding through my chest where the guy got me with the machete. It finally stopped bleeding a few miles back though."

"This is never going to end, is it?"

"It might," I said hoisting my bags out of the bed. "Maybe on the way back he'll be waiting seeking revenge. Or maybe you'll just admit I was right and I could stop."

"I bow down to your infinite wisdom."

"Ah, sweet victory," I sighed, reaching the door. "I've got to go, but I'll call tonight. Love you."

Just as I hung up, the door opened, showcasing the back of what I could only presume was one of the Quileute boys. I was pretty sure they put growth hormones in the water there. Soon, the big form started to back up, talking to someone inside, and paying no attention to poor, defenseless girls behind him.

"Behind you." I warned, startling the giant form. Turning around, Embry smiled happily at me. "You guys should come with back up beepers."

"Most people don't stand right behind us when we walk backwards," Embry said pulling me into a side hug. "It's nice seeing you again, even if the reason for your visit sucks."

"Yeah. How's everything going with all that? Is Charlie doing okay? How about Jake?"

"Slow down there, Swan." Embry smiled and patted my head. I hated when they did that. "Everything and everyone is doing okay. Not great, but that's the way it is. Charlie has been a big help to Jake through all this."

"Good, they kind of need each other right now."

"Bella? When did you get here?" Charlie asked, coming out of the front door with a small smile pulling across his face making small lines form around his eyes. He looked tired, but much better than the rundown, super-depressed Charlie I imagined finding upon my arrival. Embry said a quiet goodbye before walking down the sidewalk. "You are a little late. I was getting worried."

He wrapped his arm around me, and pulled me into a side hug. "Edward had a little trouble letting me drive away in the old truck, and you know as well as I do that that truck doesn't go faster than fifty, and that's pushing it. I actually made pretty good time, all things considered."

"Well, at least you're here," he said, eying my truck with as much disdain as Edward had. "Edward might have a point you know. That was a great truck for when you lived at home and went to school, but it might be time to upgrade to something a little more efficient."

"Bite your tongue, officer," I abolished shooing him into the open door, and waving bye to Embry as he drove off. "That truck has done nothing to deserve this kind of abuse."

"I just don't see why you're so attached to the thing."

"Enough bad mouthing my truck," I said dropping my bags and turning back towards Charlie on my heel. "How are you doing, Dad? Is everything going alright with . . . everything?"

"Yeah, Bells. Everything's okay."

"Don't try to be tough. Tell me the truth."

He walked past me as he spoke, motioning for me to sit at the table. I complied and listened intently. It would be a lie to say I hadn't been worried, something I showcased with incessant calls to my father over the last week. I hadn't ever seen my father so torn up like he was when I told him about Billy's death. That alone broke my heart for him, but then my mind went crazy thinking about the death of a man who was so much like a second father for a few years of my life. It amazed me how quickly a person could be taken away without any warning. I couldn't help but think about how Billy was around the same age as Charlie when he died.

"I'm alright now. It's still kind of hard to wrap my head around, but I'm working and helping plan things, so much that my mind is pretty occupied." He sat across from me setting a glass of water down in front of each of us. He kept a small, not quite real smile on his face for my benefit. "When I first got back into town it hit me pretty hard. It just hit me when I headed to see him in La Push, and Billy wasn't there, but I'm better now. Not great yet, but better. Death is a part of life. I have to be grown up about it. Quit worrying about me, would ya kid? You are taking my job."

"I am sorry about this stuff, Dad," I said, placing my hand on top of his. This behavior was highly unusual for the two of us, but with my sudden realization that Charlie could be taken away just as easily as Billy had I could care less. "The good news is that I am here, and still capable of cooking a good meal." His eyes lit up at the sound of home-cooked food, and those small lines around his eyes appeared again when he smiled. I was learning to truly appreciate those little lines. "I looked up a bunch of stuff that's healthier, but still just as good. I figured I could test them on you."

"As long as it doesn't taste healthy, I'm more than willing to be your test dummy for cooking experiments." He stood from his chair giving a small grunt in effort. I pretended not to notice and told myself it was nothing to worry about. "Now, if you feel the need to fry up some of that fish I have piled in the freezer, you go right ahead and do that too."

"We'll see, dad."

The day wore on rather slowly after that. I was sent upstairs to reacquaint myself with my room and prepare for dinner at the Clearwater's. As much as I would enjoy seeing everyone again, I wasn't looking forward to being back in old territory with Jake. His feelings were made absolutely clear over the last few times we have spoken and that was just of the phone. I anticipated some serious uneasiness happening tonight.

Aside from the obvious issues I anticipated with Jake, I also wasn't looking forward to Leah Clearwater and her ridiculous attitude. Granted, I hadn't seen her for a few years, but I still was pretty sure she still thought very little of me. I never knew why, and I really never cared, but being in the same room with her sounded very unappealing.

"Looks good, Bells!" Charlie the ever impatient one was waiting downstairs for me tapping his toe. Personally, I think he had a thing for Sue Clearwater, but neither would act on it, out of respect for her late husband, Harry. I couldn't blame them. I would be weirded out about going for my deceased best friend's spouse.

"I'm ready!" I hollered back and sprinted down the stairs almost falling twice. "What's the rush? We're still early."

The tell tale blush rose in his cheeks, and I just smiled knowingly. It was good for my father to look at other woman, and hopefully he and Sue could make it work. He certainly deserved it.

I hopped into the cruiser just as my cell went off. I looked at the screen and smiled. "Let me guess," Charlie said, as he back out of the drive way. "That would be Edward." I smiled back and nodded as I picked up the phone. "Well, tell him I said hello."

"Dad says hello," I answered, before anything else was said. Edward chuckled and my heart melted. "So do I."

"Hello to both of you," Edward said cheerfully. "How is he?"

"Okay. We are heading over to the Clearwater's for dinner right now." I informed him as I looked around at the familiar landscape we passed. "Dad's got the hotts for Sue."

"Isabella Marie Swan," Charlie said in his most fatherly tone. "I will not have you speaking about those kinds of things when we get there."

"I know, dad. That's why I have to get it out of my system now." I smiled winningly at him witch only earned me a grunt in return. "So, Edward. How has your day been?"

"Busy, but decent. Emmett deemed this week man's week, so he is making me go to the bars with him and Jasper." He chuckled before he continued. "Rose and Alice decided they would do the same, but you know, women's week."

"That sounds like fun," I said warily. "Just so long as you are going to the bars to drink and play pool, and not to pick up on women."

"Like we could find women as beautiful."

"Suck up." I smiled and my father stared disapprovingly at me. "We are heading into the no service area now. I'll call you tomorrow."

I hung up with a sigh, and got my first real dose of missing Edward. It sucked not having him here even if it was understandable why he wasn't. Still, it would have been nice to have him here.

"You okay kid?"

I looked up surprised at Charlie. "Yeah. Fine." I said. "How 'bout you?"

"Good. You know why Edward couldn't come up with you, right?" Charlie started, as he stared back out the windshield. "It's not that I don't like him. I really do. I think he is about the best guy my daughter could be with, including Jake. I just didn't want to stress anyone out anymore than they already were by having him here. Even if isn't him who starts anything."

"Dad, I get it. Edward even gets it." I smiled at him and patted his shoulder. "And I'm glad you like Edward. That means a lot to hear you say that."

The rest of the drive was quiet. Small talk was never something Charlie and I stressed over. That was one of my favorite things about him, in fact. He didn't feel the need to fill in the silence.

It was a full house, which was only accentuated by the massive Quileute boys in attendance. It was ridiculous the size these guys were. Even little Seth Clearwater who never was really that little, other than in comparison to the rest, had grown up and matched the rest of the pack's size. It was incredible that everyone could fit in the house.

The nice thing about everyone being so huge around me was that I was nearly invisible around them. People only saw me and spoke to me when I was directly in front of them. I halfway hoped that Jake wouldn't find me the whole night.

"You are so full of it!" I said through a giggle as Embry and Seth sat telling their stories using a fisherman's measurement system. "It's impossible."

"No, it's not!" Seth argued.

"The thing was a big as my leg!" Embry reiterated.

"You leg is the same size as me," I countered. "You would have been on the news for catching a fish that big."

"It was catch and release!" Seth argued again, his voice quieting slightly.

"Convenient story," I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Let me guess. You had to release it, or it was going to sink your dinky little boat."

"Are you still talking about your fantasy fish?" A deep voice echoed behind me making me jump. I looked up at Jake, who was smiling like usual. He had large bags under his eyes, showing the signs of the toll his father's death was taking on him. He stared down at me. "They swear it's true."

"Hey, Jake," I said with a tight smile. "How are you doing?"

"You know. Better, but not great." His smile faded a little, but didn't disappear. "I'm glad you're here. It will be easier to talk to you in person then it is over the phone."

"Yeah, I guess," I said warily, and pictured Edward's face when I told him that I spent my time in Forks speaking privately with Jake. No way was that actually happening. "Have you seen my dad around anywhere?"

His eyebrows pulled together in confusion and his eyes showed hurt in my obvious attempt to escape, but he pointed and said a quick, "Over there."

"Thanks, Jake. Sorry guys, but I'm gonna try and talk the old man into taking off. I'm tired. Driving all day really takes its toll." I turned back towards Jake and smiled kindly at him. "I promise that when I'm more rested we can sit down and talk."

"How about tomorrow?" he questioned quickly. "We can have breakfast."

Embry and Seth stared between the two of us for a few seconds, and then started fidgeting awkwardly, when I didn't answer right away. Looking back at Jake, showed that barely there smile slinking further away, and I feared it disappearing into nothing.

"Yeah, sure," I said with another forced smile.

I couldn't help it! I was a sucker for a sad face and he was giving me a _sad _face. He had this weird knack for puppy dog eyes, and of course, regardless of my brain screaming and shouting at me to not talk to him as much as humanly possible, I still felt for him. He was hurting and he couldn't talk to his other friends about things like how he was feeling. Guys apparently can't do that.

His face brightened, and his smile returned. He nodded, "Great! I've really missed you, Bells." He wrapped his arm around me in a tight half hug, and I did my best to keep a little distance.

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**(A.N. That review button isn't just there to look pretty…) **


	16. By The Way

**(A.N. SORRY! Writers block is my only excuse, that and a not so serious, but still just as big of a pain in the ass illness. I don't know what I'm sick with, but three weeks is too long!**

**Playlist will have new songs. Listen to them. The reviews have been great, though they are beginning to get sparse. REVIEW PEOPLE.**

**Also! Anyone living in or around the Redding area who wants a kittie contact me. I have two kitties that I want to get rid of. Their cute. I will put pictures on my profile. I know! What are the chances someone actually lives around me, but I have to try! They are trying my patience!**

**Thanks again for reading, and thanks even more for reviewing. It always makes my day. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters!**

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I dressed in a turtleneck, a buttoned-up pea coat, and a pair of jeans. My hair was up in a ponytail and I wore no make-up save a small dab of foundation. I looked absolutely average and hardly any of my skin was showing.

"Try to be attracted to this," I grumbled to the mirror with a smile. I may be taking things too seriously, but I wasn't going to goad Jake into providing unwanted advances. I wanted to make it blaringly clear that I didn't want or need his affections.

This breakfast I got guilted into wasn't exactly something I was pleasantly awaiting. Jake knew how to get me. He would always guilt me, make me feel bad, or do that damn sad face, knowing I would give in. My back bone was feeling incredibly flimsy after last night, so I decided that two could play at this game. I have some tricks up my sleeve too, you know.

A knock sounded at the door, and I smiled. "Bells, you ready." Charlie was my safety net this morning. Jake could hardly complain about having him at breakfast, and he could sit protectively between Jake and me. "Jake is probably already at the restaurant. We need to get a move on before the kid eats the entire restaurant's food."

"Yeah, I'm ready," I said, grabbing my purse.

"You're sure bundled up." Leave it to Charlie to pay attention to my clothing now. "You cold, or something?"

"Just a bit chilly," I said walking past him and down the stairs. "Come on, old man. We're already late." He grunted and grumbled as he descended the stairs behind me, complaining about woman and their backward senses. I bit back my smile.

The drive there was decently quiet, just as every drive with Charlie is. We parked in front of one of the few diners in Forks and I grimaced when I noticed Jakes large form perched against the wall next to the door of the establishment. I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly before grabbing the door handle when I thought I was ready to go.

"Calm down, Bella." I jumped a little forgetting I wasn't alone in the car and turned to look at Charlie. His eyebrows were drawn together and his lips were in a tight line. He shook his head a little, "He can't try anything while I'm here. I won't let him."

I smiled and let my shoulders relax. I never have loved my father more than at this moment. I don't know when he became so perceptive, but at this moment I truly appreciated it.

"Thanks, dad," I said before opening my door and slipping out. I had dressed a little warm, but I was comfortable. Plus I would have to take my jacket off when we got inside. The turtle neck really _was _anecessary evil. "Hey, Jake!"

I waved and Jake's head popped up with a wide smile pulling up his lips. His hair was back in a ponytail and his look was far less covered then my own. His tee shirt was tight enough to display the muscled chest lying beneath it. If I hadn't already landed a more perfect man who could put this one to shame, I would have been impressed. As it was, I couldn't care less.

"Where's your jacket, Jake?" Charlie said from behind me, and Jake's smile faded a little. He recovered almost instantly, but I saw the disappointment on his face when he realized this wouldn't be anything he could possibly misconstrue as a date.

"I run hot." Jake shrugged, acting completely unperturbed about my father's presence. "You know that, Charlie."

I heard my dad grunt as we reached Jake, who was now holding the door open for us. I walked by saying a quick, "Thank you," while giving him a small smile. Jakes smile looked real, but his eyes didn't match. He looked at me with aching hurt, and I personally didn't care at this moment.

My main concern was helping Charlie through this. I would help Jake where I could, but a solitary breakfast with him wasn't the way to do that. I knew him well enough to know when he had something up his sleeve. I was ready to show him just how strong I could be, even if it was with my daddy's help.

Charlie spoke to Jake as we made our way to a table. Jake tried taking the seat next to me in the booth, but Charlie quickly sat next to me. I wanted to hug him. Jake looked between dad and me, but I just smiled as Charlie pretended not to notice as he perused the menu in his hands.

,

Jake's eyes watched me carefully as I removed my jacket, and a look of disappointment was what I had been suspecting but wasn't the look I got. His eyes looked . . . hungry. He drank in my body as though I was standing before him stark naked. I looked over at Charlie who was talking while looking through the menu, completely unaware of the man across from him ogling his daughter.

I glared at Jake and mouthed, "Stop that," but he just grinned at me and winked. I rolled my eyes and sat.

"They didn't need you at the station today?" Jake asked Charlie as he positioned himself more comfortably into the seat across from us. His irritation, while still masked enough that Charlie wouldn't notice, was plain as day to me.

"Not until later," Charlie answered with a smile. "Not much happens in this town, especially not before ten."

The morning wore on and I barely had to converse. Charlie and Jake spoke most of the time, mostly due to Charlie. Anytime Jake would try talking to me, and would seaway his conversation into anything other than friendly conversation, i.e. talking about when we used to date, how incredible I looked, or when he would bring up Edward, Charlie would quickly swoop in and change the subject to something only the two of them could talk about. I was cooking my father a wonderful dinner tonight.

It was strange as I watched my father being so protective and in such a stealthy way. I mean, he had always been protective about the guys I dated, or guys who would flirt with me around him, but never with Jake. He would always give him a free pass, it seemed. Apparently, not anymore. Jake looked almost more surprised by Charlie's behavior than I did.

When our food came, the conversation drifted into silence as we stuffed our faces. I was happy to see that my father's appetite had improved since I last saw him. That was the true test to see if my father really was doing better. Jake was just opening his mouth to speak, when my phone rang. I checked the ID and smiled widely.

"Sorry," I said, slipping from the booth with a little too much excitement. I meant to hide it better. "I have to take this. It will only be a minute." Jake glared at the phone in my hand, as I picked it up and walked away. "I miss you," I said into the receiver. A deep, almost grumbled chuckle came from the other end of the phone, and my smile faded a little. "You okay?"

"Just a little hung over," Edward said with a cracked voice. "Emmett was pushing shots on me last night, and since Jasper is newly married and under strict orders not to get hammered, I was on my own."

"Poor guy," I said, and was happy he couldn't see my smile. Edward drunk and hung-over seemed very out of character to me, and that made me laugh to myself. "Other than that, did you have a nice time?"

"Yeah. Being drunk really makes things seem a lot more fun." I laughed outright at that and I pictured Edward cringing away from the noise. I remembered that I really should be being nicer to him. Unbeknownst to him, he did save me from Jake trying to speak with me. "What are you up to? I hear traffic."

"Out to breakfast with dad and Jake," I said knowing the reaction he would have and try to hide.

Edward tried so hard to be as supportive as possible, but the problem was that I knew him too well. I could tell when he wasn't being completely honest and knew that he wasn't happy about me coming here on my own. Not only did he want to keep me from Jake, but he also wanted to be there for me. I could understand that, but the truth was I didn't need a shoulder to lean on. I was the shoulder right now and that was my main concern.

I knew Billy, and respected him but I was never very close to him. The last I had spoken to him was nearly more than a year before he died. That's not to say I'm not sad about his loss, but other people who really knew, spoke to, and cared about him were the ones I was worried about, namely Charlie. Charlie needed me, and Jake even kind of needed me, and I wanted to help them as much as possible right now.

"My headache just grew." Edward sighed into the phone. I wanted to reassure him, but he knew nothing was happening, especially with Charlie present. "How are they doing?"

"Dad's way better. He is eating close to normal, and he's talking about it and functioning fine."

"And Jake?"

"Don't know," I admitted, while I brushed some lint off my pants. It impressed me constantly that he bothered to even ask me about Jake's emotional state after what a commotion Jake has made in our lives. "Dad's been playing referee all morning, making sure Jake can't bring up anything Edward-sensitive. I want to bake the man a cake for it."

Silence answered me and my pulse flew. I went back over my words wondering if I said something wrong, but couldn't remember saying anything bad.

"Edward?" I asked. "Are you still there?"

"Yeah, sorry." He answered quickly. "I am just surprised. I mean I get along well with your father, but I always thought he would prefer you to be with Jake. I kind of want to bake him a cake as well."

"He told me last night he preferred me with you, actually," I admitted with a smile. As surprising as it was to me, having my father's complete approval of Edward meant a lot. "How about that?"

"Wow," Edward said with a chuckle. "Two cakes then."

I made the conversation shorter than I really wanted to and went back into the restaurant to find Jake looking more annoyed than I left him, and Charlie looking less then pleased. I sat down slowly, and stared between the two men.

"Everything okay you two?" I asked cautiously. Both gave me a snort and grunt in answer, neither looking up from their plates. I sat silent for a few more moments before I couldn't take it anymore. "Okay, what the hell is going on with you two?"

"Who was on the phone?" Jake asked in an irritated voice.

"Jake," Charlie said warningly. "That's none of your business."

"She took time out of the breakfast we had scheduled to answer it" Jake said icily. Charlie barely seemed to notice Jake's attitude other then emitting a small grunt of disapproval along with a mumble about respecting your elders.

"Hey!" I said too loudly to both of them. People sitting around us turned and stared, wondering what the commotion was all about. I gave them a _'mind your own damn business' _look and continued on with my scolding. "Cool it! Both of you!" I stared between the two. They both stayed silent, and refused to even look at each other. I sighed heavily and sat up straighter. "I don't know what the hell you two are arguing about, and quite frankly I don't care. I came up here to help prepare for, and attend your"—I pointed at Jake— "father's and your"—I pointed at Charlie—"best friends funeral. You guys arguing is just stupid, and I won't tolerate it."

"Bring out the big guns, why don't you?" Jake mumbled and sat back in his seat. He looked over at Charlie as though he was weighing the situation. Charlie stared back at him and sighed heavily.

"She's right," he conceded, but he didn't apologize.

Neither of them did. Instead the rest of breakfast had less conversation than before and Charlie had to leave early. I was stranded with Jake and I wasn't okay with that.

"So how is Edward?" Jake asked when the air was thick with silence. "That is who you were talking to, wasn't it?"

"Yes," I said watching him carefully. What was he doing? "He's fine. He got a little drunk last night with his brother, so he doesn't feel wonderful, but other than that he's dandy."

"I would be missin' you like crazy if I were him." He sighed and looked away from me as though he was embarrassed. I continued staring at him and suddenly felt incredibly bad for him. "He's lucky to have you Bells. Smarter than me too."

My head spun in shock at his words. "Excuse me?"

"Letting you go like I did was about the dumbest thing I've ever done."

"Jake . . .," I warned, but he silenced me.

"I'm not trying to get you back, unless you're offering." He stared at me in question, a small joking smile resting on his lips. He was only teasing me, unless I accepted. Then he was as serious as a bee sting. "I didn't think so. God knows I don't like him, but I think that's more due to jealousy than anything else."

"Thank you," I sighed. It was nice to know he was growing up. "Thank you for being nice about Edward, Jake. He really means a lot to me."

He nodded and glared at the table. "I know he does. Damn it! I know you love him and he loves you and you have this relationship, but I just can't seem to get over you." I sighed and leaned back in my seat staring at Jake disapprovingly. He stared back with big innocent eyes. "It's not for lack of trying! Trust me! I've tried _hard_. There aren't enough women around here though."

"Oh, yuck, Jake! You're gross."

"Desperate, but not gross." He smiled at me I couldn't help but smile back. "That Lauren broad is quite the handful in the bedroom, but man is she a bitch!"

"JAKE!" I reached across the table and covered is mouth with my own hands and looked around us to make sure no one else heard his crude mouth. Jake was bouncing with laughter as I brought my hand back. "Lauren? Gross. Just gross. Are you sure that was safe? I bet she has contracted something over the years."

His laughter increased and his breathing was becoming hard. He made loud gasping sounds as he tried to suck in air as he laughed, tears streaked down his face and all eyes were on us. My face was bright red when I stood, grabbed my jacket, and pulled Jake out of the booth to take him outside.

When we got outside the cold air didn't seem to cool down his hysterics like I'd hoped it would. Instead he leaned against the wall of the building while bending at the waist as he continued to laugh. I stood glaring with my arms crossed waiting for him to simmer down.

"Sorry," Jake said through a gasp and began sucking in air through his mouth, trying to calm his laughing fit. "Sorry, Bells. I didn't mean to embarrass you. Damn your cheeks get so pink still."

I slapped my hand to my face, covering my cheeks, trying to hide the new tinge of pink that was appearing. "Jacob Black, you big jerk!"

He rolled his eyes and stood up straight. His height was astonishing when he stood up with his shoulder back and his back straight. I couldn't fathom how he managed to fit in a bed, let alone have activities with another person in one.

He tugged his shirt down self-consciously when he saw me staring, a small smirk spreading his lips apart. I shook my head and looked away. I wasn't staring because of that, but voicing that would only make me more suspicious. I left it alone and let him think what he wanted. There was no arguing these things with Jake anyways.

"So now what do you want to do?" he asked looking around and clapping his hands together. It was a nervous gesture and I realized I made him that way. Jake Black being nervous was almost humorous, but right now I was annoyed, and planned on staying that way. I bit back my smile. "Well?"

"_I _am going home," I said raising my eyebrows, feeling very haughty.

"Ah, come on Bella." He pulled out his puppy dog eyes again and I looked away. No way was I getting guilted into yet another thing. "I promise to be good, and I won't even get bitchy if your dude calls you. I will be all polite and quiet and all that good crap."

He gestured with his hands making an X over his heart and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his childish behavior. I didn't want to hang out with him. I didn't want to see him anymore then we had to see each other.

I loved Jake in the most platonic of ways imaginable. When he hurt me he did it without meaning too. Even while my heart was broken and I thought I hated him I didn't want him completely out of my life. I always imagined him being there as a friend. The problem was he didn't love me in a platonic way. He didn't try to hide those feelings either.

I couldn't imagine how uncomfortable Edward already was with this situation, and I refused to make this any worse for him. A relationship means compromise. Edward compromised big time by letting me come here alone in my rusty old truck to attend my ex-boyfriend's father's funeral and now it was my turn.

Jake getting hurt was the lesser of the two evils in my book.

"Thanks for breakfast, Jake," I said pursing my lips. His face fell when he realized his charm wasn't going to work. "I need to get back to the house and get some stuff figured out. Besides I promised to cook Charlie dinner tonight and I need to run by the store and do a few more errands. I'll just catch you at the funeral tomorrow."

He nodded, "Yeah, okay." His voice was soft and hurt and my heart broke for him, but I held strong. "Can I at least give you a ride home?"

"Do you still have your bike?"

"Sure do!" he said, happily twinkling the keys in front of him proudly. "She's a real beauty. You haven't ridden a bike in years, I bet."

"I'll walk," I said happily. "It's only a few blocks and you are a scary driver."

"So, I'm just supposed to see you at the funeral and that's it?" His voice grew colder now. He wasn't happy. "Why did you even come back to town for this, Bella? Why are you even here?"

"To help my father through the loss of a friend."

"And what about me?"

I drew in a breath and blew it out heavily. "You're hurting and need comfort, and you live and are surrounded by a whole community that cares about you. My father doesn't live on the reservation. He doesn't have that constant sense of understanding."

"You're the only one who understands," he said pleadingly.

"I actually can't fathom or understand any of what you're going through." I admitted. "I can't imagine the pain you feel, and I will not pretend to. The only person even close was my grandmother, but I was so young and I didn't know her that well. I have never lost someone I was that close . . . to."

Immediately I knew I was lying. I hadn't meant to, but I had. When Edward and I lost the baby, no matter how tiny it was, it hurt like hell. I didn't know it, but that pain was life shattering. It broke me in ways I never thought possible. I couldn't at least sympathize with Jake, if just in a small, strange way. A different pain, but a damn painful pain. I couldn't tell him about that though. I couldn't tell him or anyone else in this town about that. My parents were never going to know about that. Ever.

"You are the only one who has made me laugh this whole time, Bells," Jake sighed, his eyes intense. "You are the only person who I can really talk to. Those phone calls are the only thing that kept me going this last week. You coming here is the only thing that kept me getting up and taking care of things. Don't cut me off. Please. I am promising to be good. I am promising to leave you be and let you go. I just need your help to get through this."

"I will help you," I said holding back the tears trying to flow out of my eyes and down my cheeks. "Just not today."

I turned and started walking down the street. It was hard. I didn't like hurting people and I wanted so bad to believe Jake was turning over a new leaf. I wanted so bad to believe he meant he could cool it and just be my friend, but it was too late now. I couldn't risk it.

I heard his bike rumble to life when I was a block away and listened as the rumbles disappeared into the distance.

It was for the best.

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**(A.N. REMBER TO REVIEW! I know someone will have **_**something **_**to say…)**


	17. New ME

I was leaving today, after the funeral.

I had originally planned on staying until at least tomorrow, but I just couldn't stand being away from Edward anymore or in such close proximity to Jake. I felt bad for him and his loss, and wanted to be there for my dad but my presence wouldn't be needed after tonight.

After Jake and my talk yesterday, and the emotions and memories of the loss I suffered just a few months before got stirred up I could barely hold myself together. When I got home I took a shower and had a long cry. It happened every now and then where I would get knocked backwards with the memory and just had to let it out. Usually I had Edward there with me to hold me, and tell me it was alright but now I was in a place where no one knew what had happened and looking down while in the shower and seeing that stupid little scar tore me up more.

Because, though Edward could look at the tiny scar and have it be a reminder of a great hurdle him and I survived together, all it did for me was remind me of what I lost and what I probably wouldn't be able to give Edward ever. It was a two sided knife and both sides hurt like hell.

I was so torn up last night that I very nearly told Charlie everything. I nearly spilled the beans. Then when I talked myself out of that I picked up the phone to call Esme and Carlisle. They knew and I know Esme would talk to me, but thankfully Edward called before I even dialed a number. He had helped but at the same time only made me miss him more.

Charlie knew something was bothering me but knew well enough to leave me be other then a pat on a back and a quick, "Are you alright?" I had just nodded giving a quick 'Fine," and he left me to myself. I served him up dinner, and went to bed early.

I grabbed my packed bags and took them down to the truck. I would drive my truck to the service and reception then leave straight from there. It seemed like the best plan, and left me with as little time as possible for Jake to try to get alone time with me.

It was crowded and a little chilly. I air tasted of salt from the ocean laying just off to the side and down the sharp cliff. The waves battered against the rocks bellow with vigor as though they were mourning the loss of a beloved friend with the rest of us.

The whole tribe plus about half the people from Forks were in attendance, making the outside service absolutely necessary. I wrapped my coat more tightly around me and fidgeted to my other foot happy that today was one of the few days it didn't rain in Forks.

Charlie sat at the front alone with Jake and his sister. I stood close behind him with my hand ready for an impromptu hug whenever needed. Some of the women in the crowd were already crying, one in particular was being so loud that that preacher presiding over the service had to speak extra loud to be heard over the fuss. It was sad, and I was numb to it.

I couldn't bring myself to cry, not when I had known a pain so much greater then what I was feeling now. Jake and his sister had a reason to cry. Charlie had a reason to cry. My crying would just seem silly especially since none of them but Jakes sister was crying and she was being really grown up about it. The only reason I even knew she was crying at all was because I was paying attention. I saw as she lifted the small tissue up and dabbed at her eyes.

Jake was like stone. His eyes were wide and unfocused. He sat stiff and completely silent. He didn't react when Sue Clearwater, who was standing behind him, squeezed his shoulder in comfort, and he didn't so much as glance my way. I wasn't even sure he was aware of his surroundings. He looked utterly alone in that moment.

That made me want to cry more then anything.

My dad didn't cry either, but his eyes were rimmed in red from holding back all those unshed tears. Him and Jake made quite the pair and looked very much a like as they sat side by side mourning their loss. My father was an old softy, so he gave more of his emotions away, but Jake was never one to cry.

I hated funerals.

I mean, you have to look nice to go to a funeral. That implies makeup. Funerals pretty much guarantee crying which will cause make up to smear so not only are you feeling crappy about losing someone close to you, but you look like hell.

A tribesmen went to stand next to the man giving the sermon taking his place and holding the small box that contained Billy's ashes. His skin was dark, and tanned, looking similar to leather with its age. He was wearing normal clothes but his hair was long and think, streaked in gray. He looked Native American but not in the hokey sense you see in movies.

He began a deep chant, his voice carried through the crowd and hushed everyone having hysterics. It was chilling. It felt like only the tribe should be there at that moment.

Still Jake didn't so much as look up or blink. He was lost in his thoughts, so lost that the things going on around him passed by without his notice. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, if anything. He wasn't okay, that much was obvious, but after my speech yesterday it hardly seemed like it was my place to help him through it.

My mind went blank as I thought about what my place in helping Jake could be. I couldn't think of how I could possibly help without giving him the wrong impression. Jake took everything I did as suggestive. He thought my being nice to him was me coming on to him and I couldn't risk it. But looking at his sunken face, at his eyes that stared off at nothing I couldn't help but want to help him through this, even just for the day.

As though sensing my mood, a light sprinkle began. No one seemed to notice, so I stood still letting my hair soak up the moisture. Thankfully the mans chant were coming to a close and soon we could scatter the ashes. Then we could head back to the hall booked for the reception.

Soon the small box containing what was now Billy was taken over to the edge of the cliff to be thrown into the breath and carried away by the breeze. The three sitting in front stood, including Jake but he looked like a robot, just following rules. He didn't notice anything still, his simply stared ahead of him.

Jake didn't even react to the moisture falling in larger droplets now. He simply stood there, still staring at nothing as he got soaked and his fathers ashes got sent off to sea. I couldn't take it anymore.

I took my jacket off and walked quietly over to him. He wasn't dressed up by any stretch of the imagination. He had a t-shirt and some jeans on. I assumed that it was Jakes way of pretending this wasn't his fathers funeral. As I got closer to him, I could see the goose flesh rasing on his arm. He was cold but he was so numb he didn't seem to notice. I wrapped my jacket around him as far as the small thing would fit around his massive body and finally got him to react.

His head jerked back to look at me, his mouth set in a line and his eyes began to glass over with tears. He swallowed hard and I hugged my arms around his waist.

His arm came around me tightly, but it didn't feel intimate in any way other then a comfort. I felt as his breathing quickened when the ashes were finally sprinkled and the small, almost silent sobs that escaped him. If anyone noticed they pretended otherwise. I was glad for that.

I stayed with Jake while everyone left. He stayed stock still just staring off the cliff as though he could still see ashes floating away. It was hard to watch and I thought that maybe I should leave him alone, but when I tried pulling myself away he pulled me tighter against him.

"Don't leave yet, Bells." His voice was tight and a little tired sounding. "Just give me a few more minutes to absorb this."

"Don't you want to be alone, Jake?"

He shook his head and squeezed my shoulder with his hand. "Not yet."

I nodded and stayed there. I let him keep his arm around me but retracted my own arms. Edward probably wouldn't be thrilled with this but he would understand. This was the least romantic place and situation in the world, and no way was this going to misconstrued as something other then me helping my friend. I simply wouldn't let it.

After what felt much longer than it actually was Jake turned and started walking us back towards the cars. Charlie had already left with the rest of the attendants, but he made sure first that I was okay to be left alone with Jake. With as quiet as Jake was being, I didn't see a problem. I hardly think Jake was in any state to make a pass at me.

As we walked back to the car I was shivering. Jake had given me back my coat almost immediately after I tried warming him with it. It barely covered his arm, so I understood. I was happy to have it but this damn icy rain combined with the wind was sure to give me a cold.

"Did you need a ride to the receptin hall?" I asked through my clattering teeth. Jake looked down at me, his lips almost smiling, and shook his head.

"I was gonna take the Rabbit." He said finally. "Thanks though." I shrugged and started walking towards my truck.

When I got to it I was glad to slide into the cab. It wasn't warm yet but the heater was never something that had problems in my truck. It worked like new and I was looking forward to thawing out on the short drive.

I stuck the keys into the ignition and turned them, but I wasn't greeted by the usual roar that my truck was known for. It wade a clicking noise, followed by a whirring sound and then nothing.

I tried again.

After the third time and a few beatings on the stearing wheel a knock sounded at my window before the door was pulled open letting a fresh batch of cold air into the cab.

"Sounds like this old thing finally took a crap on you."

"Lovely phrasing." I grunted attempted to turn the key again. Nothing. Not even a sputter. I looked up at Jake with hopeful eyes. "Fix it."

He shook his head and finally, after what had felt like forever, he smiled. It was big, and it wasn't what I was used to, but it was a step in the right direction. "It doesn't sound like something I can fix."

"Yes you can." I said trying to convince him and myself. I was in denial. I didn't want my old truck to die. I wanted it to live. "Come on Dr. Frankenstein! Jolt this baby with some lightning and make it LIVE! I'll even pull the lever and let you call me Igor!"

"Sorry Bells." He shrugged and leaned against the door. His hair was wet by now and sticking to his face and forehead. "It seems we're attending to funerals today."

"Oh, come on Jake." I whined. "Wake my baby up. She is just sleeping." I patted the dash board and petted the steering wheel. "She's an old bat and needed a nap but now it's time to WAKE UP!" I yelled and beat the steering wheel roughly as I said the final words. But it was no use. No amount of beating and abuse would wake up my old truck.

"Come 'on. I'll drive you to the hall." I sighed and grabbed my bags that were all piled in the front seat, handing the largest out to Jake. He stared at me thena t the bags I was reaching for, then down at the bag in his hand. He didn't look pleased, and not in the sad nearly about to cry sort of way he had looked earlier. This was more of 'what the hell' kind of look. "Were you planning on leaving just now?"

I looked up at him as he stared accusingly down at the bag I had handed him. I wondered if I should take it away from him so he would chuck it across the lot or something then berated myself for think that at all, then said, "After the reception."

He nodded looking a little offended. Okay, not a little, but a lot. He looked hurt like I had just kicked him in the boy parts and laughed about it or kicked his puppy or something. I couldn't fathom his anger about my plans to leave tonight instead of in the morning.

"Were you gonna just take off with out saying goodbye?"

"What are you talking about! Of course I was going to say goodbye, but not yet." I looked at him with the kindest eyes I could. "I was going to say goodbye, Jake."

"Yeah, obviously." He said sourly. "You were going to come up and blind side me with a goodbye while I am sitting there listening to a bunch of people talk about how sorry they are that my father died. Real nice Bella."

"I don't have to tell you my plans." I said angrily and jumped out of the truck, pushing Jake roughly aside as I slammed the door. I started to stomp towards Jakes car but then turned and kicked my stupid broken truck before storming off towards his car. It made me feel a little better even if the pore done in truck didn't deserve the abuse. "You can be such an ASS sometimes!"

"I'm not an ass." Jake said sounding surprised. "I wasn't the one who was going to leave without so much as a farewell."

"You are suck a freakin jerk sometimes! I was going to say goodbye but not anymore. In fact I think I will leave _right now_!"

"And what do you plan on leaving in, exactly?"

Cocky bastard. I glared at him only then remembering that I didn't have a way to leave right now. Damn truck. Stupid Jake! I was way beyond pissed at him right now, and I could almost not tell you why. His assumption that I wasn't going to say goodbye wasn't that far off. I intended on saying a quick goodbye when I wanted to leave, but I was leaving not only to get back to Edward but also to distance myself from Jake. Maybe I was mad about getting caught in my cowardly escape plan. I didn't care. I was still mad!

I pulled out my cell phone.

"Who are you calling?" Jake asked as he started his car. "Bells." He said tauntingly, poking my side trying to lighten the mood and get me to smile. Tickling was always his tactic to get me to not be mad at him anymore, but his charm and tickling didn't work on me anymore. I didn't flinch, instead opting to just glare at him from the corner of my eye. He pursed his lips at his failed attempt before trying again. "Oh come on. I didn't mean to piss you off so much but you shouldn't be leaving without saying goodbye. That would just be fucked up!"

"Don't you cuss at me, Jacob Black." I fumed with the phone still stuck to my ear. It went to voicemail so I dialed the second speed dial without leaving a message and listened as it started playing the ringback tone.

"I wasn't cussing _at you_." Jake sighed out exasperated, giving up on questioning who I was calling. I barely listened to him. "I was just cussing. Sorry. I know you don't like when I lay down the F bomb. It just kind of slipped out."

I didn't answer as I listened to the ringing until finally I heard the voice that would make everything better.

"Hello love." Edward said happily. "How was the funeral?"

"Can you drive to Forks and pick me up?"


	18. Higher Ground

The drive was short and quiet. Jake drove like a bat out of hell, giving up on conversation after the first few moments. He was none to happy about my talk with Edward and was really pissed to hear about him coming to Forks to pick me up.

I didn't care.

I pictured my reunion with Edward like my salvation. I imagined him hugging me to him, and kissing me. I imagined laying in bed with him and falling asleep with him. These few days may seem short to others but for me with the state my emotions were in, it felt like centuries since I was with him.

I was almost ashamed of my need for my boyfriend, especially when with my family. Charlie deserved my undivided attention at least for these few days. He deserved to get to see his daughter without having to accommodate for her boyfriend as well. I got that, but damn it, it didn't make the separation easier.

I chalked it all up to my messed up and ragged state of mind. Jake and my little spat the day before drug up not so old scars, and brought them right there to the surface. Taking a shower that night, changing this morning, it was all I could do not to notice that stupid little scar that could very well be a constant and permanent reminder that Edward and I may never have _everything _we wanted out of life. That stupid little silvery scar broke my heart and without Edward there to help me see past it, to help me look optimistically into the future I wasn't doing to well.

All those thoughts jabbed at my conscious as we drove quietly. My own thoughts would be my downfall, and suddenly I was happy my old truck broke down so I wouldn't have to drive all alone back to Seattle. I was happy Edward would be there to talk to and keep my mind away from dark places. I was just happy I would get to see Edward within a few hours.

Charlie knew I was not pleased when I walked in and he was ready to go over and give Jake a piece of his mind, regardless of the setting. Apparently attending your fathers funeral was no excuse to be rude to Charlie Swan's daughter, and damn it, it would not be tolerated.

I put my hand up and stopped my dad in his tracks, an amused smirk pulling at my lips as I thought of how it would look to have my father telling Jake off with Jake standing there towering over him like a tree towers over a bush.

"Dad, it's fine."

"Did he try to get fresh with you Bells?" His face was gravely serious which made the small look of shock and tiny giggle seem very inappropriate.

"Where did you learn that term?" I asked in astonishment. He continued as if he hadn't heard me.

"Cause in the restaurant, yesterday, I gave him a piece of my mind about that. I made sure he knew you were off limits and that your life was your business, not his." He puffed out his chest like a proud man coming home with a fresh kill for dinner. "I told him that Edward was good for you and that I wouldn't have him trying to confuse you."

I shook my head to get back on track and tried in vain to knock the smile of my face. "He didn't try to get _fresh _with me." I reassured him and he deflated visibly. "But thanks, dad. That means a lot."

His cheek tinged the slightest shade of pink and he turned away. We were never good at feelings. "Then what happened?""My truck broke down and Jake had to drive me over here." I explained jabbing my thumb in the general direction of where my truck was sitting in a rusted heap of useless metal. "Jake got a little upset about me leaving tonight. He didn't think I was gonna say goodbye to him before I left. Then he got extra mad when I called Edward to have him come get me."

Charlie nodded looking annoyingly unsurprised. "I knew that old truck was gonna take a crap on you some day soon." He said with a quick grunt. "I'm glad it broke down here and not half way home. You never know what kind of people are walking out on those streets, and it's not like those cell phones all you kids have get reception _everywhere_. And with it raining like it is…"

I had to laugh at his commentary on my road perils that sounded suspiciously like what I had told Edward would happen to me if my truck broke down. "Well thankfully all it cost me was a cold shoulder from Jake." I shrugged to show it wasn't really something I was worried or upset about but Charlie looked at me doubtfully. I patted his shoulder to reassure him that all was well, and headed off towards the refreshments and food.

It was nearly two hours later when Edward called to say he was close, and to ask for directions to where I was at. It was the most fun I had had all night. Sitting in a room full of people recounting the great times they had with a man that you only knew through another person wasn't exactly riveting, and since Jake and I weren't talking I didn't have any real friends to speak of.

I would catch Jake looking my way a good portion of the night but I pretended not to notice. It wasn't difficult. I didn't want to argue and as much as I hated leaving things with Jake on such a rough spot, I came to terms with it. I couldn't fathom a time over the last year that we hadn't left things on a sour note.

"I'll be there in about twenty minutes." Edward said and I couldn't help but wonder just how fast he had to have driven to get here as quickly as he did. I decided not to comment.

It took me another few moments of debating whether I really needed my bags or not before I worked up the courage to go over towards the danger zone. The small crowd gathering around him made it worse. They all probably thought I was just a mean bitch who hit's the poor boy who just lost his father while he was down.

"Jake, I need to get in your car." I said walking up into the small crowd around him. Jake didn't look pleased to be swarmed by so many people and no one seemed to notice. I almost felt bad for him but then remembered I was pissed at him. "Can I have your keys."

"I'll just walk you out." He said hopping up from his seat and walking quickly towards the door like there was a fire under his heals.

"No Jake." I ran after him and had to keep a light jog to keep up with his long quick strides. "I can get it myself."

"No way are you leaving me in here to be tortured by tons of swarming mourners apologizing for my loss." He said heatedly. "Why should they be sorry anyway, the idiots. They didn't kill him. They didn't stop his heart. It's hardly their fault so apologizing is just idiotic."

"They are just trying to be nice Jake." I sighed out and attempted to grab his keys from him. He didn't notice my attempt but still swept them away from me as he threw them in the air and clapped his hand back down on them roughly.

"Nice? Nice. No, I would say they are not thinking." I could understand what he was saying even if I thought he was handling it all wrong. I wouldn't want a bunch of people around me when I was dealing with something like this, and I certainly wouldn't want someone telling me they were sorry. It was like pity and neither Jake or I enjoyed being pitied. "Besides I wanted to talk to you."

I looked up at him as he stopped in front of his car. He was staring down at me with apologetic eyes. "Jake, not now, okay?"

"Then when, Bells. Lets be serious here." He leaned back against the car door and threw the keys in the air again. I jumped and caught them. He looked at me in shock, and I tried acting like I wasn't impressed with myself though in reality I felt kind of like doing a touchdown dance. "Nice catch."

"Thanks." I said as if it was nothing and started walking to the drivers side door since there was a giant Quileute leaning against the other door. "Now what were you saying?"

"Right. I was just saying that," He paused and put his hand on the door when I tried opening it. I hadn't even heard him come over here. "I'm sorry Bella. I overreacted but I know that you aren't planning on talking to me anymore after this unless we run into each other when you come into town once or twice a year. I know that you were only talking to me because my dad died."

"Oh Jake that's not entirely true." I said pitifully, even though it was pretty spot on.

"I get it. I'm not mad. It's the one good thing that came out of this whole thing." I stared up at him sadly and now I was the one leaning against the car door. I looked down at the pavement so I didn't see when Jake moved and put an arms on either side of my head, moving his body closer to me. I looked up slowly, swallowed hard and instantly knew Jake wasn't in his grieving stage anymore. His face was close to mine as he whispered. "I don't want this to be over, Bells. I don't want you out of my life."

"Jake." I said warningly trying to worm my way out of his hold. "Jake, back up a bit."

He lifted his head a little, but otherwise didn't move. I figured right now, it would have to do. Pushing was getting me nowhere.

"Bella please don't make it so I never see or hear from you." His fingers lifted a stray piece of hair that hadn't been swept back into my ponytail and tucked it behind my ear. "Please don't take yourself completely out of my life."

"Your not helping you case right now." I warned and pushed on his chest again. He grabbed my hand gently and brought it up to his lips, kissing it softly. "Jake stop."

"Just kiss me once more if this is the last time I will see you." He said leaning closer.

"This is hardly the last time we will see each other."

"Still." He leaned a little closer. His breath came out and brushed against my face smelling faintly of alcohol but he wasn't drunk. Thank god for small miracles.

"I'm with Edward, Jake." I said pinning myself closer to the car. The metal of the door gave nothing against my efforts.

"He paused just an inch away from my face and breathed out heavily. "Your not married to the guy. You are permanently attached to him yet."

"I'm attached enough."

"Hardly." His voice was breathy. I didn't like that. "You two haven't experienced anything together. You aren't even married! After dating you this long there has to be a reason he hasn't tried tying you to him permanently. Think about it Bells. You have nothing keeping you with him."

"We love each other, and that's all that matters." I growled. He was hitting pretty close to home now and in an uncomfortable proximity. My anger was flaring it's ugly head and not the petty kind of anger I felt towards him earlier. This was all consuming loathing.

"Love isn't always enough."

"It is with us."

"Obviously it's not." He was quiet, his voice barely a whisper as though he was trying to convince himself more then me. "It can't be enough."

"I don't have to justify my relationship to you!" I said, my voice getting louder and louder. His head jerked up at my tone and he stared at me straight in my eyes. He looked hurt, and torn about something.

"What's to say he wouldn't leave you when times got hard, Bells." He said backing away a little. "When things get rough, if they get rough, how do you know he won't just pick up and leave?"

"Because he's not you."

"Low blow. I guess I deserved it, but still pretty low." He acknowledged and moved on quickly. "At least I know what it is to lose you. You know I would be there for you if things got rough though. You know I'm always there. You don't know that about him."

"Back away from me, Jake." I said warningly.

"We have history! Years of history!" His voice raised into almost a yell, but he kept it contained so he wouldn't attract to much attention. He looked around him to make sure we were still be decently discreet in our dispute before he turned back to me and leaned just a little closer which with the already close proximity was way to close. "Our history may have some scars, and rough spots but it's ours. We have been through way more then you and him. That has to mean something."

"You don't know what you're talking about." I ground out looking down away from him. "You don't know what we've been through. Now back up."

"Right, I'm sure that all the flowers and easy money have made life real difficult for you two lovebirds." He sneered. He was getting angry, but I couldn't be sure if his anger was pointed at me or at his inability to sway me back to him. Either way, I was not amused. "You'll see Bells. When something bad actually happens, you'll know I was right. When things get rough, you'll understand why I did this. I'm trying to save you some heartache."

I snapped.

Blood pumped through my veins and my pulse sounded in my ears. I saw nothing but red as Jake told me about how easy my life has been. He knew nothing about me or my relationship, and as much as I tried I couldn't just keep quiet while he sat there and berated me. My throat clenched in a painful way as I yelled.

"Things have already gotten rough." I snapped and pushed him as hard as I could. He stumbled back in shock. It was the surprise of the push that had actually moved him away from me otherwise I wouldn't have been able to move him regardless of how much force I put behind my shove. "Things have already gotten so hard I could barely breath through the pain! Don't presume to know anything about my relationship with Edward you prick! You know nothing!" I was yelling loudly, and the few scattered people who were smoking outside turned to stare at us but I hardly noticed. I felt the warm streaks of my traitor tears streak down my cheeks as I yelled more. Anger always made me cry, and boy was I _angry_. "I may not be married to him but damn it I should have something damn permanent with him. I SHOULD! But because of me and my stupid body we may never have another chance at it! Because of my flawed body! When I lost that and had my chances cut in half he stuck with me. He stayed with me while I cried myself to sleep for weeks. He stayed with me when I pushed him away. He loved me through it all and you were here living your life like normal! He was there for me through everything!"

Jake's eyes were wide with shock as he stared from my face to my stomach and back to my face. He got the gist of what I had been saying, even if I hadn't said it flat out. He stared at me as I realized I just spilled the beans about something that I had no intention of telling anyone in Forks about, least of all Jake. Not only had I told him but there were people around me. They had to have heard me, and as the sobs racked my body as the whole thing weighed me back down as though the wound was ripped open again. It all felt just as fresh as if it had happened all over again.

"Bells, I didn't know." Jake said sadly. "I didn't know. I would have been there for you."

I started sliding down the car as my sobs took over. Before I hit the ground arms hugged around me, catching my fall.

"Shhh, love." Edwards arms tightened around me as he lowered both of us to the ground gently and he pulled me into him. I hadn't know he was there, but as soon as he touched me and I breathed in that wonderful scent I relaxed, if just infinitesimally. "I'm here love. Bella, look at me." I stared up at his lovely green eyes and sniffled as I tried to reign in my tears. His hand cupped my cheeks and his thumbed swept away a few tears that leaked from my eyes. "Are you alright?"

I nodded before I crushed my lips to his. He returned the kiss but broke away quickly and hugged me against his chest and hugged myself to him tightly. "I'm sorry I told him Edward. I didn't mean to tell him, I just cracked. I was so angry.""It's alright."

"No it's not." I said staring up into his eyes again. "It isn't just my secret to tell, and I shouldn't have told."

"It's fine, and regardless of who business it is it's already been done." He said sadly. "I'm so sorry I didn't get here sooner Bella. I'm sorry your hurting."

"It always hurts."

"I know that all to well, love."


	19. Chin Held High

**(A.N. BE PROUD! One week, and look it is even posted to the right story! I am improving. Sorry again about last chapter mix up. I hope everyone got the opportunity to read the real chapter to this story. I confused quite a few of you who haven't read my other story, which you really should because it is wonderful. **

**In other news. The new Richelle Mead book came out early, which I was very excited about. My boyfriend took me to the bookstore as a I'm sorry after I had to put up with his family and there it was on the shelf. Angels descended singing in all high notes. It was lovely. Anyways it's the new book to the Dark Swan series, second in the installment, and it was WONDERFUL! Truly she is way better then another author we all know. Much better stories. You should all read it, it is called Thorn Queen. **

**LOVE MY BETA! YOU DO TO! She got this back to me within two days! **

**So that's all for now. Playlist is already up. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters.**

"Bella?" My dad was crouched down beside Edward and me. He looked at me with worry etched thickly across his face, making him look years older than he actually was. I was giving the poor man gray hairs, all while coming off as a complete psycho in front of the tiny town he lived in. "What happened?"

I drew in a deep breath and blew it out heavily, then tried to smile weakly to make him feel better. It didn't work. Edward helped me to stand and I couldn't help how embarrassed I was. The whole wake saw my breakdown. None of them knew what was wrong with me, so to them it just looked like the crazy Swan daughter having hysterics. I would let them think that all they want. I wasn't about to give them my almost valid excuse.

"Bella?" Charlie prodded. "What's going on? Are you hurt?"

"I think maybe you should tell him, love," Edward whispered, behind me, trying to be quiet. His voice was strained just slightly, but I didn't have time to evaluate what was really wrong with him. Charlie heard what Edward had said. He stared from me to Edward looking more worried by the second. But I shook my head as my lips quivered.

"I'm sorry, dad," I said, and stared up at him, ashamed. "I can't tell you here. I don't know if I can tell you at all."

"Just tell me if you're hurt," he compromised. "Let me know you're okay so your old man doesn't freak out any more."

"I'm not hurt," I promised. It was true. Physically I was fit as a fiddle, at least in most respects. My bum hurt a little from falling to the pavement, and my legs were a little cramped 'cause when Edward hugged me they got pushed into an awkward position, but other than that, nothing major was wrong. "Sorry for freaking you out, dad."

"Why don't you guys stay at my place tonight?" he said, straightening up. He was talking mostly to Edward at this point. "I would feel better if you didn't leave on this note, and it's already pretty late."

I felt Edward nod behind me. "That would be great, Charlie."

"Alright, well then you two head back to the house. I have to make a few more rounds before I can head out." I nodded and walked over to Edward's car after he laid his hand on my back and directed me towards it. I kept my face hidden as much as possible from the small crowd that had formed.

I stared out the window as Edward ran back over and got my bags out of Jake's car. I had given him Jake's keys which I still had from grabbing them from the air. I watched as he pulled the bags from the back seat and shut the door roughly.

He didn't so much as look Jake's way as he kept his face in a hard line and handed the keys back to Charlie, to pass back to Jake. It seemed childish, but it was better than the two of them getting into it. Jake was sitting on the curve staring down at the asphalt with big eyes. He looked like he was seeing things far away.

Edward and I didn't talk much on our way back to Charlie's, and it made the short drive back seem like it took an hour. Edward wasn't happy, but I couldn't tell if it was at me, or at Jake, or just in general. I hated that. I hated that regardless of who he was mad at, it was my fault. I hated that we would have to have a serious talk before we went to bed especially when laying in bed and falling asleep next to Edward sounding so good at the moment.

Edward pulled in front of the house, and without any preamble, he got out of the car, grabbed my bags out of the trunk, and came over to offer me help out of the car since I had already opened the door before he could get to it. He still didn't speak as he followed me up to the door and waited while I grabbed the spare key from the hedge and unlocked the door.

Edward walked straight in, and up to my bedroom to drop off my bags. I considered following him, but then realized Charlie was going to want to talk when he got back in what would probably be less than an hour. It was going to suck to rehash old scars anymore then I already had tonight, but Charlie deserved to know. I didn't care if the rest of the town thought I was nuts, but I didn't want my own dad thinking that.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed myself a glass of water, then sat at the small breakfast bar and waited for Edward to come back downstairs, if he was planning to at all. He stayed up there a lot longer than I had expected him to. He probably needed to think, to be by himself while he cooled down. I could give him that.

He walked into the kitchen and grabbed his own glass of water, refilling mine, before leaning his elbows on the counter across from me, and staring me in the eyes. I stared back, sadly.

"I missed you," I said weakly. His lips twitched lightly and he smiled a little, but it wasn't enough. He was still upset. I just wasn't quite sure what about. "I'm sorry I spilled the beans about our personal life."

"I don't care about that, Bella," he sighed. His posture relaxed a little, and only then I realized just how tense the atmosphere around us was getting. "You can tell whoever you need to about what happened. I knew it was going to boil over eventually when you refused to talk to anyone about it."

"What's wrong then?" I asked ignoring the last part of his rant. I reached across the counter and grabbed a hold of his hand. "Why are you so upset?"

He pursed his lips together tightly and began playing with my hand. "Why were you and Jake so close together?" He took another deep breath still not meeting my eyes. "Why were you pressed up against his car like that?"

My mouth hung open and I mentally chided myself. I wanted to slap my head and say, 'Duh.' He took my reaction wrong and pulled his hand away from mine, straightening. He nodded like he understood. He looked pained and it broke my heart.

"It wasn't like that, Edward," I sighed and tried reaching out to him again. He wouldn't look at me and wouldn't let me touch him. It killed me. He swallowed hard and I swear his eyes were getting watery. "Edward?"

"I should have known," he said and looked away from me. He was hiding his emotions from me. "I knew something was up when you were so adamant about me not coming with you at all. Thinking it and seeing it is way different." His hand gave the fridge a passing smack as he hissed a quick, "Damn it!"

I stood up and walked around the counter so I was in the kitchen with him. He didn't turn to look back at me. He just stood staring out the window.

"I needed the bags out of the car, but Jake and I had gotten in a fight on our way back from the funeral. He was mad I had called you. He didn't like that you were going to be in town, and he was mad that I was going to leave tonight without saying goodbye."

"That isn't explaining to me why your ex had you pressed against his car with your faces inches apart," he said acidly.

"Let me finish," I said getting annoyed. I waited until I was sure he would stay quiet before I continued. "I went to ask him for his keys after you had called and he wouldn't give them to me. He insisted on walking me out and stood pressed against the door of the car so I couldn't get in."

"This doesn't match up." He turned around and looked at me straight in the eyes. He had let a few tears fall. He truly believed I had betrayed him and what was worse is he believed he had actually witnessed my fictitious act of infidelity. "He wasn't the one against the car, Bella. You were."

"If you are just going to believe whatever the hell you want, then I won't finish!" I snapped. I hadn't done anything, and as unfortunate as the situation tonight was I wasn't okay with him blaming me for something I didn't do. "So either shut up and let me talk or leave me!"

He was mad now. Confused but mad. His nostrils flared as he stared at me then started walking towards the door. My heart nearly stopped as I ran after him. I grabbed his arm and tried pulling him back to me, but he just yanked it from my grasp walking out the door.

"Edward, stop!" I said, trying to keep the clump in my throat from distorting my voice while I stood on the front porch. I wouldn't cry because it wouldn't be fair. He wouldn't walk away from me if I cried. He would forgive me for almost anything when I cried, and I didn't want him to forgive me because of a few tears. I wanted him to listen to me and then decide that he wasn't mad. "Let me explain."

"Do you think I want details?" he said turned back at me. The wind picked up a little blowing his hair around lightly. At least the rain had stopped. "I don't! Knowing he touched is enough to make my insides turn."

"I can't believe you think I could do that to you," I choked out, and the waterworks started regardless of my efforts to hold them back. He looked away from me trying to keep his resolve even through my tears. But both of our attention was pulled away when a car came to stop in the driveway.

"Son of a bitch," Edward hissed through his teeth when he turned and saw the small car that was part of our argument sitting in the driveway with Jake getting out of it.

Jake got out and started walking towards us, looking only at me. That sent Edward over the edge. He stalked over to Jake and got as close to his face as he could. Jake just held his hands up and looked away from Edward's gaze.

"I'm not here to fight with you," Jake said calmly staring at the ground to keep his own temper in check.

"Then why the fuck are you here?" Edward roared shoving Jake back against his car. The vehicle wobbled a little as if the hinges on it were crappy and Jake winced just slightly. Edward had pushed him hard. Edward didn't cuss and using that particular word combined with his little bought of violence just showed how absolutely past pissed he was. It scared me.

Edward grabbed Jake's shirt into his balled up fist and had him pressed against the car and I could tell the strain it was putting on Jake to stay calm. I thanked him silently for that, but then remembered that he shouldn't even be here.

"I came to apologize." Jake said through gritted teeth. "Now get off of me."

I walked over to the two of them and started pulling Edward away from Jake. He tensed when I touched him and stared down at me like I had just broken his heart all over again.

This was bad and getting worse by the second.

"Jake, get out of here," I said calmly, keeping my eyes on only Edward. I stared straight into his eyes hoping that my undivided attention would keep him here without any more violence.

"Bells, I'm sorry. I hadn't realized you had been through all of that," Jake started, and I held my hand up to silence him.

"Just go, Jake," I said keeping my eyes firmly on Edward. "We can talk later."

Wrong thing to say. Those words made a newly, somewhat calm Edward pissed all over again. He broke away from me, walked the two steps back to Jake and punched him in the face.

This altercation had been a long time coming but still, Edward's violence shocked me. At the moment, I wasn't sure Jake necessarily deserved, though from Edward's eyes with what he thought had happened, I would have punched Jake too.

Edward just wasn't a violent person though. He always was defensive of me, and would talk about wanting to hurt anybody who hurt me, but I had always thought it was just talk. Sure Edward was strong and fit, but I never knew that he actually knew how to punch.

Jake retaliated with a poorly aimed punch of his own, ignoring the blood streaming down his face. He barely caught Edward's cheek and Edward seemed to not notice other than his head bouncing slightly to the side on impact, before he advanced towards Jake again, his hands balled into tight fist ready to hit Jake again.

"Edward! Stop now!" I yelled and started yanking him away from Jake who was now bleeding heavily out of his nose. Edward shook his punching hand out. It must have hurt. He punched Jake _hard_. I hoped he hadn't broken his nose, but I knew it was more likely than not. Jake's eyes were blazing with anger as he stared back at Edward. "Jake, don't even think about it. Edward, go over there. Jake, get the hell out of here."

My voice was so stern and dead pan that they both backed away from each other. Jake got in his car looking livid and backed out of the driveway. I turned to glare at Edward but thought better of it. I walked over to him, and grabbed his hand to inspect the damage. He tried pulling it back but the glare I gave him made him think better of it.

"It looks like you broke a knuckle," I sighed. That was the worst of the damage, other than a little scrape here or there from the force of the punch, and a small amount of bruising. There was blood on his hand but it wasn't his own.

"It will heal," he said coldly.

"Yeah, well, I'm going to clean it up anyways," I said trying to bite back my annoyance. My tone held no room for argument.

"I think I'm just going to leave," Edward whispered. I clamped my hand around his hurt hand tightly, making him wince.

"You are going to stay here while I clean your hand," I said strictly. "And while I clean your hand you're going to listen to what I have to tell you. If you want to leave when I am finished, fine."

He didn't say anything but he did follow me in to the house. I sat him on the couch, and glared at him extra hard to assure he wouldn't take off while I got the first aid for his hand. When I was pretty sure he would stay put I stomped upstairs and grabbed everything I needed as quickly as I could.

He hadn't left and I hadn't realized how scared I was that he might until I let out a sigh of relief when I saw him still sitting on the couch. His head leaning back and his eyes were closed. He was opening and closing his hurt hand and wincing with each movement.

Regardless of this horrible situation, he was beautiful and that was only enhanced by how much I had missed him over the last few days. I hadn't even gotten a proper reunion kiss like I had been planning since I called him. Nothing was going as I had hoped.

He jumped when I grabbed his hand. His eyes shot open and stared sadly at me. He wasn't nearly as angry anymore. He just looked hurt, and a little embarrassed.

"Jake and I have only seen each other a grand total of three hours since I have gotten here. Maybe a little more, but I doubt it," I said as I wet a cotton swab with peroxide and started dabbing at the small scrapes, cleaning away the blood Jake had left on his hand. "When he walked me out to the car tonight he tried getting me to kiss him. I had gotten his keys from him and gone to the driver's side so I could my stuff out but he locked me against the car. I tried pushing him away and I told him no, but he wouldn't even let me open the door enough to get my bags. We didn't kiss. His proximity to me wasn't something I enjoyed or wanted, but I promise you we didn't kiss."

I wrapped his hand in an ace bandage so his knuckle wouldn't get moved around too much and then set it on his lap. He stared at it and shook his head back and forth. I leaned forward and rested my hand on his face. He flinched when I touched where Jake had gotten a swipe in. His cheek was bruising a little but it wasn't anything serious. I leaned forward and kissed it lightly. Edward sighed.

"Please believe that I wouldn't do that to you," I whispered closing my eyes and leaning my forehead against his. He reached up and wrapped his hand around my wrist. At first, I thought he meant to pull my hand away, but then his thumb starting stoking the inside of my wrist lightly. I hoped that meant he believed. "Please know that I love only you."

"Promise."

"That I love you?" I asked in surprise. "I swear it. I promise. I cross my heart. Give me a stack of bibles and we can make my promise official."

"Promise you didn't let him touch you," he explained. I opened my eyes and looked straight into his questing green orbs. "Promise me, Bella. Please."

"I didn't let him touch me," I said firmly. "He got pushy, and wouldn't let me away from the car, but he didn't touch me. I promise you he didn't touch me. I promise I was trying to push him away from me when he had me against the car. I promise I didn't mean to yell out our history to the town of Forks."

Edward nodded and looked down away from my eyes. "Thanks for bandaging my hand," he said pathetically.

"I'm sorry you thought I could do that to you, and I'm sorry that your hand is hurting because of me," I whispered, but Edward shut me up pretty quickly with a kiss.

It was so full of passion that I had to lean into him for support. He pulled me on top of him so my legs were on either side of his lap, and then held my face gently, but firmly between his hands. He was kissing me with so much ferocity that I knew just how seriously he thought he lost me earlier. I kissed back with just as much vigor.

A car door slammed outside followed quickly by the front door. I didn't have enough time to scramble off of Edward's lap before Charlie started yelling.

"Anyone mind telling me why the hell Jake came back to the wake with a broken and bloodied nose?" Charlie asked annoyed as soon as he opened the front door. When he came around the corner to find Edward and I in a very precarious position he sighed and lulled his head to the side. "Well this is exactly how every father wants to find their daughter when they get home."

I scooted the rest of the way off of Edward who then yanked me down next to him and put a pillow in his lap to cover something far more embarrassing from Charlie. I felt like we were in high school again.

"Sorry, dad," I mumbled, at the same time Edward said, "Sorry, Charlie."

Charlie just stared at us for a second before sitting down across from us. He made a point to not glance at the pillow in Edward's lap. I appreciated that. He was taking this much better then I imagined he would.

"Alright," he started. "Let's start with Edward."

"I punched Jake, sir," he said outright. "I'm sorry if it caused some kind of disturbance, but I'm not sorry I hit him." My mouth gaped at him when the words left his mouth. I hit his arm. "I'm not." He reiterated to me. "I'm glad I hit him. And from what you said he deserved it more than I thought."

Charlie's ears perked at that. "What did he do to you, Bella? Did he hurt you?"

"No, just got a little pushy and said some things," I said, trying to wave it off as though it was nothing. "He said something things that cut kind of close to home, is all."

"And that's why you were crying to bad outside by his car?" he asked trying to tactfully get to the bottom of my breakdown.

"Listen, dad," I said, leaning forward a bit, and staring him straight in the eyes. It was now or never . . . and Charlie deserved to know. I took a deep breath, and decided to just be blunt about it. "A few months ago, Edward and I lost a child."

**(A.N. Anyone super happy with me!? I thought a few of you might be. Edward is such a stud sometimes, and such a whiney b-word other times. But that's why we love him. SUCH DIVERSITY! Tell me what you think!)**


	20. Torture Me

**(A.N. So, this took awhile. I know. Sorry. School started up again, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five year mark, then decided we should get married and that seems to be taking up a lot of time. **

**Richelle Mead's new book to the Vampire Academy series just came out yesterday, the 25th****. Read it. Seriously. She is a wonderful author. Other then that enjoy and Review, Review, Review!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters.**

Charlie sat on the couch across from us, with his hands clasped, and his mouth pressed firmly shut. Every now and then, he would shake his head back and forth while I tried to get through, telling him about Edward and the horror that happened not even a year before.

Edward sat next to me, silent but for a few instances when I wasn't able to articulate or get out what I needed to. He held my hand, squeezing it affectionately when I got to some of the more painful parts of the story. His presence made it so much easier.

I wasn't sure what to expect for Charlie's reaction. Anger for keeping it from him? Sympathy for having to go through it? Pity for my now damaged body? Or hurt and guilt for not knowing his only daughter was going through something horrible.

Charlie and I were a lot alike in many little ways. One way that we most definitely were alike is how we liked to shoulder the blame for things that were not our fault. Charlie would blame himself for my silence. He would most likely blame his lack of being there up until my high school days for my unwillingness to talk to him. He might blame himself for not noticing that my voice was a little off when we spoke on the phone after the incident.

I didn't blame anyone really. Not even myself. My body malfunctioned, but that wasn't my fault. The condom we used was obviously sporting some tiny little holes, but who knows where those came from. I hadn't been taking my birth control regularly, which was my own fault. Still, this happened out of the craziest of odds. My getting pregnant alone was insane, but to have my body completely reject it was painful, both physically and mentally.

My mind circled with images of everything that happened. The doctors words, though crammed and jumbled at the time, came through clear and biting in my memory. Edward's eyes when the doctor told us what was wrong. Edward's hunched form when I woke after surgery, before I had any idea how serious it actually was. Then that gut-wrenching pain when I found out that I not only lost Edward's and my child, but quite possibly lost our only chance of having children at all.

I finished talking, and Edward had nothing else to explain. I had tears streaking my cheeks, and man, was I tired of crying. My eyes felt swollen and my throat felt raw. Talking hadn't helped that, but in a way telling my dad helped take a bit of the weight from my shoulders.

"Dad?" I said quietly, after swiping away a few tears and clearing my throat enough to speak. He had been quiet for the whole time, and then some. "Are you alright?"

"Am I alright?" Charlie asked looking up at me with confusion. His age was apparent just now, in fact, he looked much older then he actually was. His frown lines were prominent and those little lines around his eyes seemed to have deepened in this short time. I immediately regretted laying this on him. "Are _you_ alright, Bells? Does it hurt anymore? Of course, mentally it must eat you away, especially since you have no one to talk to about it. But. . . ."

"Edward has been a huge help," I corrected him instantly. Edward already had a kind of complex about me not really needing him in the situation. Where he got that idea I'll never know. He always beat himself up about not being able to help me heal from this, and Charlie saying that would send un-intended guilt toward Edward. Of course, Charlie wouldn't have meant to do that, but still I had an obligation to make sure Edward understood just how needed he was in my life. "He talks to me and calms me whenever I need him. Physically, though, no, it doesn't hurt anymore."

"I didn't mean to imply that he wasn't there, but I wish you could talk to me, you know?" he said, looking me straight in the eyes. They were getting watery. Another thing that I was undoubtedly like my father, was our issue with emotions. We could 'hmmm' and 'ahh' about any topic, but put us in a hard situation that we needed to discuss and we were blubbering fools. His effort and need for me to talk was a big step for him. I got the urge to reach over and wrap him in a hug, but instantly realized it would only serve to make him more uncomfortable. "I don't expect you to be able to completely lay it all out for me, but I would like to think that you could tell me things. I like to know how my only daughter is. I want to know if you're hurting, especially if you have to go to the hospital."

"I know." I sighed and looked away. His gaze made my nerves flare as the guilt sunk in. I knew I should have told him and my mother, but I just couldn't. Not at the time, and probably not now if it hadn't been forced on me. I wanted to kill Jake for the trouble he caused, but in a way I was thankful that he had gotten me to talk. Even if he was actually trying to get me to do something else. "I just didn't feel like talking about it, and I didn't want to worry you or mom. . . ."

"You haven't told your mother?"

"No."

He sat there quietly for a few seconds before he said, "You really didn't want to talk to anybody at all."

He said it as a statement, not a question. And it was true. Me keeping this a secret from even my mother was a pretty huge I guess. We usually talked about everything, but I literally hadn't wanted anyone to know. I wasn't sure if it was embarrassment, or if I just didn't want everyone's pity. All I knew is that telling people would rehash so much pain that I preferred to not explore. I had to tell Charlie so he would hear it from me and not one of the bystanders to Jake and my argument, but otherwise I probably wouldn't have told him. Now that I told him my mother had to know. She deserved to know.

"I'm sorry, dad," I sighed out feeling a little embarrassed that I kept this from him. "I just didn't want to have to explain it to anyone. Especially when the wound was fresh and I was still healing physically, and by the time it just was mental stuff, well it was kind of intruding on my life in Seattle. I hadn't thought about telling people, so much as staying above water so I could breathe."

"She was more of a suffer-in-silence type for most of it," Edward said, agreeing with a nod. "I had to get her to talk to me, and still she has a hard time with it."

Charlie just nodded, his curly hair in thin disarray. His eyes held the smallest hint of bags under them, and I realized not only was I laying something huge on him, I was also keeping him up after a very hard day. I mean, he just attended his best friend's funeral a few hours before, and now he had to listen to me. Plus, I guarantee Jacob will be at the station in the morning filing a complaint against Edward. Charlie's life had turned very stressful with me around.

There wasn't much to discuss after that so Edward and I went to bed, leaving Charlie leaning back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. I hoped I hadn't put too much unnecessary worry on Charlie. He hardly needed anything else to worry about. Before I followed Edward up the stairs, though, I stopped and hugged Charlie. It wasn't easy with the way he was leaning back against the couch, but I needed to hug him.

I am by no stretch of the imagination a person who enjoys physical contact. Hugs from friends and family along with unnecessary hand holding or arm latching with anyone but Edward are strictly prohibited in my book. When I'm sad, I don't crave a hug or kiss on the cheek. But seeing Charlie and the stress I caused, I felt I owed him that hug, and damn it, I kind of wanted a hug from my dad.

I made him jump. It made me smile and hug tighter when he hugged me back. I knew he needed the hug. The reassurance that I was still his little girl. I still needed my father's help no matter how old I got or what grown- up things I had to go through.

"Love you, dad."

He sighed, sounding happy as soon as I said that. "Love you too, Bells."

I swear when I leaned away he had a tear streaked down his face. I pretended not to notice and made my way up to my room and to a waiting Edward.

As I walked into the room, Edward in front of me, I was struck by a strange thought. I wondered if Charlie was a little weirded out about his only daughter sleeping in the same bed with her boyfriend under his roof.

Regardless of how old I was, I was willing to bet that he would prefer playing ignorant, even if Edward and I lived together. I'm sure in his mind we slept in separate bedrooms, that is until tonight when I laid to waste any question or doubt that we had slept together. Finding out that your daughter almost had a child is a pretty clear indication that they aren't as chaste as you would have hoped.

Edward cuddled into the small bed with me, laying close and wrapping his arm securely around me. He kissed down my neck whispering that he loved me as he went. As far as fights went, tonight was the worst we could have. Never had I thought we could be so close to losing each other, especially over a misunderstanding. His attention alone was enough to indicate that he was just as shaken up as I was about the whole thing.

Sleep came pretty quickly after Edward began humming the tune he had composed for me. I lulled off happily into an exhausted, restless sleep to the sound of my lullaby.

I had woken up more than a few times during the night both from bad dreams and cramped space. I don't care how much I enjoy snuggling up to Edward, it got hot and there was no room to move over and away from him. Sure the house wasn't particularly warm, but Edward's body heat alone made me feel like I was in a sauna. I nearly fell off the bed a few times, only to be saved by Edward's strong arms pulling me back into him in his sleep, and back into his sweat slickened body.

He slept through everything.

When I finally woke for good it was nearly ten. Edward wasn't in bed next to me, the door to my room was open just enough for the hall light to filter through the small opening and the light sound of voices filtered up to my ears. Apparently I was the last one up. That wasn't so unusual. Though I had hoped to wake early and make Charlie some consolatory breakfast.

I stood and stretched my arms high above my head before grabbing my toiletries from my bag and heading to the restroom to get decent enough to be in front of anyone.

"…wish she could talk to me." I stopped to easedrop. Sure it's bad, but I didn't care. I wanted to hear, damn it. "I suppose that's my own fault, huh? I never was someone she could come to. She always went to her mother. I figured it was female bonding of something."

"She barely spoke to me about it Charlie." Edward's voice was a little more hushed like he was actually trying to keep it down for my sake. Of course his efforts were in vain now that I was awake and blatantly listening to a conversation I wasn't supposed to even know about. "Alice had come over so many times and Bella wouldn't even acknowledge her for a week. After the physical pain of it, she seemed to shut down even more."

"Alice must have been sweating bullets the whole time worrying about her." Charlie said matter of factly. He knew Alice almost as well as the rest of us. At least as well as a parent can know their child's best friend. He loved Alice and of course he knew just how close Alice and I were. "I suppose if she couldn't even talk to Alice about it, I shouldn't feel so bad."

"She didn't even tell her,." Edward explained steadily. There was a clanging of pans sounding. I assumed Edward was cooking for Charlie. Charlie never declined someone willing to cook for him, even in his own home and after Charlie tried a little of Edward's breakfast making skills I understood why he was all too willing to let him cook for him again. "Alice came back over when we got back from the hospital. Bella had been sick. We thought she had the flu, and Alice was over helping with Bella after Bella kicked me out of our bedroom. She was embarrassed to get sick in front of me."

"She is loud when she up chucks." Charlie sighed out just loud enough for me to hear. I blushed.

"So Alice came over and took care of her for awhile and then later she brought a pregnancy test back over. I hadn't even put two and two together until Alice said something about it." He paused for a seconds. "So when she came back over to check on the test results she got quite the surprise. She stayed the night two nights, and laid with Bella most of those two days. I don't think Bella even realized she was there."

I hadn't known she was there.

This was news to me. Alice hadn't ever mentioned it, and Edward obviously hadn't either. I must have been out of it those first few days. Honestly I can't remember much. I completely shut down,. I slept a lot, only ate when Edward brought me food. If I thought really hard I remembered seeing Alice here and there, but I don't remember her constant pressense at any moment.

I stood up and went in the restroom not wanting to hear anymore and ready to get the funky morning breath taken care of. My hair was a mess so I bushed it and shoved it back into a messy bun. My eyes weren't red anymore but they felt swollen. They didn't look it, other then regular from just waking up, but still it wasn't a pleasant picture in the mirror. I tried not to stare to hard at my reflection as I hurriedly brushed and washed.

By the time I was walking down the stair Edward and Charlie where talking over two plates of food. Edward jumped up as soon as he saw me, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and started back over towards the pans ready to make me my own breakfast. I stopped him and smiled.

"I can fend for myself," I said mockingly. I walked over to his plate, took his fork and lobbed off a sizable chunk of his eggs, shoved it in my mouth and smiled. Charlie looked at me disapprovingly, while Edward just chuckled lightly under his breath. "That's good," I said around my bite of food. It was still kind of hot, and burned my toungue. I didn't let on to my pain. "I can use your height though," I said pointing to the second shelf that housed the pop tarts. "Please."

"I can make you something that's actually reasonably healthy," Edward chided, as he walked over and grabbed my the box of pop tarts. I watched with envy as he reached the box without even having to stand on his tippy toes.

"This is all the nutrients I need right now," I said, practically salivating at the not so good for me food that laid in front of me. I didn't bother with warming them. Instead I popped open the package and ate them cold. Edward watched me with amusement. He hated pop tarts. "I have been forcing healthy food on Charlie since I got here. I'm withering away to nothing."

I chose not to mention their not so private conversation I had heard earlier. I figured it was kind of a bonding experience for the two of them. I liked that just fine. Having the two of them get along and really like each other was always important to me.

Instead I kept the mood light, making a point to keep the jokes and witty banter coming and steering clear of any crazy talk about my health or mental well being. Certainly no brought up Jake or anything that could even possibly relate back to him. This was going to be a happy morning with Charlie. I wasn't going to leave back to Seattle with him worrying unnecessarily about me.

"This omelet Edward made me is damn good, and with all the greens, and reds in it, it has to be healthy,." Charlie said as he picked up one of the more colorful ingredients and held it up as evidence. "Now that's not to say that your cooking this wasn't great, Bells, but if you could cook healthy food that was this good, I might really trying sticking to that silly diet your trying to force on me."

Edward chuckled, looking triumphant and I smacked his arm playfully. He shrugged as if to say, 'I can't help that I'm this perfect' making me role my eyes. It was true though. I had grown up making meals for my mom and dad and more often than not they were as unhealthy as they got. Fried fish, four cheese lasagna, chicken parmesan. Pretty much the old adage always applied. 'If you fry it, it's bound to be good.' Not healthy, but affective. This past week was my first attempt at cooking truly healthy meals and I was still learning.

"I'll work on that," I said, with a smile. "But Edward can only cook breakfast. Lunch and dinner is out of his grasp, so until a miracle happens you have to stick with my mid par cooking."

"I'm just happy to have a home cooked meal. To have a home cooked meal everyday for nearly a week was more than a treat." Charlie shoveled in another bite of Edwards amazing omelet and turned towards Edward. "My girl knows how to cook, no doubt about it."

Charlie did have work that day and Edward and I were itching to get back into town. Not only was I desperate to get further away from Jake, but also I needed some serious Edward time. We needed to talk a little more. Straighten things out. Sure we were weren't mad or upset with each other anymore but a talk was necessary.

Not only that, but I had work to get to at five. I would be tired and it sounded completely unappealing, but I had taken more time off then I should ever be allowed. I would get fired soon if I didn't start showing up.

But tonight, tonight would be about Edward and me.

**(A.N. Tell me what you think…Press the damn button!)**


	21. Revelation

_**It's going to seem like you got two new postings, and in a way you did, but not in the way you think. **_

_**The original Chapter 17 got skipped over somehow so I just posted it and put it in it's rightful place. It's the funeral, and it's decent. Go have a read and tell me what you think on either this and chapter 21. I would appreciate your input! **_

**(A.N. This took a record breaking amount of time to get out. I have no good excuse though I do have a few lame ones. First, I got married. My husband had to have surgery so he has been on leave and at home for three months hogging the computer and otherwise occupying my time and that is not a complaint. Plus school, and my roommate/best friend has decided to back out on a few promises made to me and move in with her boyfriend of three months which leaves my husband and myself kind of stuck in a rut. It's been a stressful couple of months.**

**Either way I'm sorry this took so long to get out. I'm in desperate need of ideas so if you have a particular direction you want this story to go tell me about it and I will try to work in some of the better ideas. Also I recommend you all read 'Scar Tissue' the autobiography of the front man of the RHCP, Anthony Keidis. It's pretty decent. **

**Alright. Enjoy and REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!)**

**Disclaimer: Not my characters.**

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"It just seems like you're driving slow." I complained as a car passed us. I had been pestering since we left. He was being incredibly patient. "I swear that old lady who just passed was wearing bifocals."

"I'm going above the posted speed limit, and that woman who just past was actually a man probably younger then both of us."

"Well that's unfortunate." I said staring blankly at the car that seemed to tauntingly speed up into the distance. "Maybe you should let me drive."

"Pulling over, getting out, and switching seats will only make this drive last longer." Edward was all business. We had yet to talk about anything important and I swear the tension stirring in the air was slowing down time and making our drive back to Seattle ten times longer then it should have been. "You usually drive slower then me anyways."

"I bet I could drive faster then you right now." I egged on. I wanted to get home with plenty of time for me to do nothing but laze until work that night or at least take a shower. "Pull over and let me drive, then you'll see."

Edward didn't say anything more. He just smirked and lightly shook his head. It's not that we were upset or mad or anything negative at each other. We were just feeling awkward about everything that had happened that weekend.

I mean, who wants to get into a heavy conversation about ex's and obligation, and nearly breaking up over something that didn't happen. I didn't, certainly not in the confined space of a car while Edward was driving. Not only was it completely unappealing, but it just wasn't safe. We could wait to talk when we got home. Or maybe even a week or two. I wasn't in any hurry.

It was a big emotional stress ball of a weekend. Between the funeral, Jake, and my and Edward's big blow out, not to mention the lovely punch Edward landed Jake with, this weekend was way more eventful then I would have imagined. In fact, all I had imagined was a quick, somewhat sad trip to help my father through a difficult time. Billy's death and funeral was what I came to Forks for. Instead I was bombarded with my ex-boyfriend's unrelenting need to profess his love to me while I stupidly pretended he was just hurt and needed a friend. Apparently I was way more naïve than I ever thought.

Overall, I'd say this weekend sucked!

I looked back over at Edward as he reached behind my seat before plopping a paper bag down in my lap. I looked at the bag for a few moments, then back up at Edward, then back at the bag.

He was an angel.

"When did you get this?" I asked in awe. In all of the hubbub I hadn't thought to get snacks for the trip. I was board out of my mind by now and my stomach was starting to ache with insistent hunger pains. Something about driving long distances made me think I was starving.

"While you were in the restroom at the last gas station we stopped at." He said while watching me from the corner of his eye. This was one of those _'had me at hello' _moments where I couldn't help but swoon. I mean, through all the tension, the stress, and my overall not so wonderful mood he still remembered to feed me. Like I said before, he was an angel. "See if I got anything you like."

I dug through the bag a little more eagerly then was ladylike and low and behold there lay all my favorite junk food, plus a pre-made sandwich and some tea.

"Seriously, you are the perfect man." I gushed while I reached in and pulled out some chips and tea. His chuckling laughter filled the car and any form of stress I had melted away as I smiled back at him. Popping a chip into my mouth I continued to look through the bag of snacks and continued to be in awe at not only how well Edward knew me and my eating habits but also that he thought I was capable of eating this much. "That's a lot of food."

"I thought you would want variety." He said reaching in the bag himself and grabbing out the one thing that I wasn't about to eat. He unwrapped his newly acquired power bar and took a bite. "I wasn't sure what you were in the mood for so I just got a little of everything."

"Including a gross protein bar for yourself." I said as I chucked another chip into my mouth and chased it with a swig of tea. "If I was a lesser woman I would feel uncomfortable eating all this unhealthy food while you nibble daintily on a power bar, but thankfully I have no qualms with it."

"I don't do anything daintily, thank you very much, and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable…" He threw is bitten on power bar back into the bag of goodies and reached in for a chip before I could stop him. He bit down on the chip with a smile on his face.

"Hey! I said I _wasn't _uncomfortable!" I giggled, failing at my attempt to sound stern.

"You only children…" Edward sighed. "Always so greedy. Can't even stand having one single chip taken. What happened to sharing?"

"Taken, not asked for." I tsked, happy to be back into our playful banter I so missed over this trip, especially over the passed few days. Just seeing him smile that same warm smile nearly made me melt. "Now if you would have just asked…"

"Bella, my sweet, wonderful, loving, amazing girlfriend, would you be so kind as to give me a chip?" His bottom lip jutted out just a little, and his eyes turned all puppy dog when he chanced a looked away from the road towards me. "Please."

I grabbed a chip out of the bag and gently placed it in his awaiting mouth. The talk could wait a few more days.

* * *

It smelled like home when I walked through the door to our apartment. That unique scent that I had become desensitized to before circulated through the apartment combining both Edward and my scent and making something absolutely soothing. It was warm, with only one lone lamp on in the living room.

I sat down with a sigh, enjoying just being back home. Home is where your heart is, many say, so it only made sense that my home was where Edward and I made it together. Where Edward was, was my home. Losing him would have been a huge downfall in my life.

I opened my eyes to find Edward staring down at me with that smile that warmed every part of my being. It was that smile that could get me through some of my darkest times, and he smiled that way at me now.

I pulled him on the couch next to me, and crawled on top of him, hugging my arms tightly around his neck. Somehow, though we had been together for a more then twenty four hours it seemed like we were apart. Like he was far away from me. I breathed him in and let my mind relax while Edward began kissing a trail down my neck and over my now bare shoulder.

And as I leaned my head back, enjoying the sensation of his lips on my body I couldn't help but think about all the things we needed to talk about. No matter how much I tried to push away all those thoughts, they sat there lingering at the forefront of my mind distracting me as Edward laid on some of his best work. So, as his hands slowly started grazing against my stomach, lifting my shirt in the process my head won.

I gently grabbed my shirt and held it down while Edward looked up at me with a face that was distraught with confusion. After the horrible fight, and seeing his face when he thought I betrayed him, made seeing him anything less then happy a painful sight. So much so that I almost gave in to my aching heart and let him have me. And though it would have been amazing, as it always is with Edward, I wouldn't have been there fully. I wouldn't have been able to give him everything he was giving me.

I smiled consolingly at him as I moved his hands the rest of the way out of my shirt and rested my forehead against his. "I need to shower before work. I smell like I have been in a car for the last few hours." It was an excuse and the truth all in one.

"Can I join you?"

"Of course, but it's literally going to be a five to ten minute shower, partially consisting of me shaving my legs." The look wavered a little into the smile he gives me when he doesn't want me to know he's hurt. It made me ache. It made me want to take him right then and there to show him how much I really loved him. Instead I leaned down and kissed him slowly, deepening the kiss as he opened his mouth to mine.

He had a five a clock shadow forming that rubbed roughly against my skin but it was barely a distraction against his kissing. I wrapped my hand around his neck and gently grabbed his hair, pulling ever so slightly towards me. He reacted by grabbing my hips and grinding me into him.

That was my queue.

I pulled away leaving him drawing heavy breaths in and out. Then I slowly stood, snuck one more small peck in before winking and walking off towards the bathroom to take my shower. He sat staring as I put a little extra swing in my hips as I walked away.

It may have seemed mean. It may have seemed cruel, hell it may have seemed like I was just being a bitch and if it were anyone else they probably would have preserved it just that way but to Edward I just showed my passion for him in two minutes as apposed to an hour. It was my way of showing him that my rejection wasn't because I didn't want to, because god knows that wasn't the case, but because I didn't have time _at the moment_. I would make the time, hopefully tonight, _after _we talked. Either way, it was my way of consoling him.

It's hard enough for a man to be rejected, especially after their girlfriends loyalty had just come into questions. I didn't want any questions as to why I didn't want to be with him at the moment to fester in his mind. I didn't want him to think something completely untrue. This was my only way of doing that, other then just telling him like someone a little more mature might do. But, right now, being mature meant having a very uncomfortable conversion so I took the less admirable route.

I locked the bathroom door behind me, barring Edward from trying to sneak in and hop in the shower with me. There would be no way I could say no to him if he did that. I let the steam from the shower fill the bathroom before I hopped in. I lingered under the warm water a little longer then I had to and enjoyed the heavy water pressure as it messaged away some of my tight muscles.

My mind still remained thinking about what we had to talk about. Edward has always been so amazing about everything and though I was naïve and stupid about Jake's advances, Edward should have known better. He should have known I would never cheat on him. He was far to special to me. Far to dear to me heart. Hurting him hurt me, and losing him would be losing a piece of me. It would shatter me into pieces that wouldn't be able to be put back together.

Cheating was always something I abhorred. It is a disgraceful, dishonest, cowardly thing to do. Never in my life have I been capable of doing such a thing, especially not to Edward. He needed to explain where this doubt came from, and if it was my fault that it was there. I needed to apologize for letting such a doubt form. I couldn't sleep with him until I knew exactly what it was that I did to make him think I was capable of cheating.

I got ready for work slowly, dreading smelling like coffee beans when I got home. Usually I didn't mind my job but it was beginning to feel stagnant. My bad mood and overall boredom with my just over minimum wage job were making me want to curl up on the bed and sleep. But that would leave me home with Edward, and I wouldn't have any good excuse for not giving myself to him. Of course he would always understand if I just didn't want. He would never hold it against me. But as I said before, with everything that has happened, it just wouldn't work that way right now.

The night lagged on, and I sat staring at the clock as our two customers sat on a small couch chatting about her boyfriend dumping her, while the other listened on with fake attention. Her eyes had glazed over about five minutes into the topic, yet the other girl was so rapped up in her story that she didn't notice her friend staring blankly into the distance. Her complaining made me want to throw something at her. The guy sounded like a jerk yet here she was blabbing about him, wasting air on him.

My mood didn't improve very much until closing. Seeing Edward there, waiting to pick me up usually would have warmed my spirit, but tonight it just reminded me that my good old truck was officially dead. I would have to go out and buy a new car, and try at the same time to keep Edward from buying it for me. He was nothing if not giving in the most persistent of ways.

Edward caught onto my mood and let me be. Between everything that has happened, and everything that was going to happen I had a bleak outlook on the rest of the night. I wasn't sure if I would rather hold out talking to Edward, to save what may very well turn into an argument until a few days from now, or if I want to just get it done with. Stewing in the dread was only making me stressed. Pile that on top of finding time to buy a new vehicle and getting past my issues with my job and I felt like screaming.

We got all the way back to the apartment without saying a word to each other. Edward held my hand as we walked up the stairs, and through the hall only letting go to unlock the door. He ushered me in ahead of him and waited while I set my purse down and hung my jacket in the hallway closet.

It smelled good in here. Really good. "Have you been cooking?" I asked, lifting my nose into the air and walking in the direction the smell was coming from. There laid out neatly on plates was dinner with candles lit and everything. "What did you do?"

"I let the food get a little cold, I know. But it was that or kill the surprise." He explained and he led me to my seat, pulled it out, and pushed it in while I sat. "And the candles were just hazardous. But again, I sacrificed fire safety for the surprise."

"It looks wonderful." I said and touched the food with my index finger. "And it's still warm." I smiled up at him, and licked the food from my finger. "It's good."

"I had limited time to work with, so this is all I could do." I stared down at the huge meal sitting in front of me in shock.

"All you could do? Edward this is a lot. I can barely believe you managed it."

"I needed to do _something_."

"No you didn't. Why would you need to do something?" I breathed in the food again and my stomach rumbled. "I'm certainly happy you did it. My god! I thought you could only cook breakfast foods."

"Usually, but I have a few other tricks up my sleeves." Smiling he sat down. "Eat. Before it gets even colder."

I grabbed my fork and dug in. There wasn't much conversation through the meal because apparently both of our appetites were up. That or we were both trying desperately to avoid any intense or heavy conversations that may occur.

"What did you do all day?" I asked finally, finishing my last bite and putting my napkin on the table. I had been stuffed long before cleaning my plate, but I continued on and finished, all in my immature attempt to avoid what needed to be done. "Stupid question. You made me this incredible dinner. That had to have taken up all of your time."

"Yeah. That's pretty much it." He said smiling back at me. His eyes shifted away from mine then, and I knew he was trying to work up the nerve to bring it up. Finally, with a sigh of defeat, he did. "I'm sorry, Bella."

I looked up at him, a little taken aback. He went straight to the point and it wasn't the point I thought. "I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about this." I admitted with a sigh. "I don't want to fight anymore. I want to be happy, and here with you. I don't want you angry at me or vise versa."

"Then we won't fight, but we do need to talk." He said sternly, and moved his chair closer to me. "I am so beyond sorry, Bella. I can't begin to explain…"

"Don't apologize. Why would you apologize? It was both of us being stupid."

"I wouldn't say stupid, necessarily. Just, not in our right minds." He smirked at me, lifted his hand up and rubbed his fingers along my cheek. "I don't know what came over me. I don't know why I could possibly think you were cheating on me. I had no doubts in my mind about you being faithful until I drove up and saw him so close to you. And when I saw that, how close he was to you, something in my mind snapped and all logic went out the window. I knew you would never do that to me, but when I saw you two, I just thought all my fears had come true. That somehow that bastard tricked you into it."

"Nothing happened. I didn't want him there. I hated having him so close." I explained again. I was trying to stay calm, trying to explain and reiterate that fact but it was hard. I took a deep calming breath before I continued. "It sucks that you thought, even for a moment, that I was capable of doing that to you. I hate that I made you think that. I should have known better. I'm always so naïve about Jake and his intentions."

"Yes, you are. But your naivety is something I love about you. It's just part of who you are." Edward leaned his forehead against mine and smiled bitterly. "Jake took advantage of that part of you."

"Yup, he did and I was naïve about that too! I still feel stupid for letting him do that." I looked back at Edward and stared hard into his eyes. "You have to believe I didn't and would never do anything to hurt you. I would never cheat on you. I swear."

"I believe that fully." He said with a sad smile. "I just got a little blinded by rage for a moment, but I'm back and thinking clearly again."

"That blind rage of your is violent…" I smiled a little when I said it. It was bad, but picturing Edward punching Jake in the face was sort of incredible. He was usually so calm, and even tempered. Never violent.

"You think he'll sue me?" He asked, unconcerned.

"Nope. He doesn't want to look like a girly man." I said with full confidence. "He will tell some elaborate story about how he kicked your ass and you only got the one punch in and everyone will think he protected me and Charlie against the evil Edward Cullen. I'm sure the whole reservation thinks you're in intensive care right now, barely hanging on to life."

Edward pursed his lips and drew in his eyebrows. "I'm not sure I like that." He admitted. "Maybe we should take another trip to Forks and make sure the whole reservation sees me. You know, so they aren't being misled."

"How about we tell Charlie to rebuke any lies he hears?" I giggled. "Did I tell you how sexy you looked in your fit of rage. I mean, it was kind of scary, but your muscles really get defined when you're slugging someone."

"Sexy?" He cocked his brow at me in shock. I nodded, bit my lip and his smirk appeared. "I bet we can get them looking just as defined right now, if you wanted to."

"Lead the way, stud."

* * *

**(A.N. Well, I hope you liked it. I was a little out of it when I wrote most of this so bare with me. My BETA is swamped with her schooling. The woman is brilliant! So my paper may be messy. Anyone wanting to help me check these things write me. Oh! And anyone who saw New Moon in theaters tell me what you think! I thought it was better then Twilight, but that doesn't take much, does it? Thanks for reading and thanks even more for REVIEWING!)**

**_Remember to take a look at the newly put in Chapter 17. It's the funeral scene that somehow got misplaced!_  
**


	22. Author's Note

Authors Note:

I know it's been a ridiculously long time since I have written a chapter. I'm sorry.

I know how annoying this is. Between school, work, and personal life I simply haven't had to time to sit and write. Within a six month period of time I have four weddings, including my own, that I am involved in and helping plan.

Writing has taken a serious back burner to everything else in my life so much so that I got excited when I got to write two ten page papers for two separate classes. I miss it too, guys, and I know that none of this is an excuse, but it is what it is.

I plan on getting back to writing soon, but I have been planning the same thing for awhile. I can't give you a date that I will post again by, I simply have no way of knowing when I'll have the time or inspiration.

I appreciate your patience and apologize for the inconvenience.

-CGarman


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